


Unique in All the World

by Arionrhod, McKay



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-05-24
Packaged: 2018-11-04 16:43:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 50,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10994877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arionrhod/pseuds/Arionrhod, https://archiveofourown.org/users/McKay/pseuds/McKay
Summary: Severus has a plan to woo and win Remus Lupin, but it comes with great risk.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2006.

_"I cannot play with you," the fox said. "I am not tamed."_

_"Ah! Please excuse me," said the little prince. But, after some thought, he added: "What does that mean, 'tame'?"_

_"You do not live here," said the fox. "What is it that you are looking for?"_

_"I am looking for men," said the little prince. "What does that mean, 'tame'?"_

_"Men," said the fox. "They have guns, and they hunt. It is very disturbing. They also raise chickens. These are their only interests. Are you looking for chickens?"_

_"No," said the little prince. "I am looking for friends. What does that mean, 'tame'?"_

_"It is an act too often neglected," said the fox. It means to establish ties."_

_"'To establish ties'?"_

_"Just that," said the fox. "To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world..."  
\-- From The Little Prince, by Antoine de Saint-Exupery _

 

The morning after the Ministry of Magic's official party to celebrate the defeat of Voldemort and the end of the war, Remus woke in the comfortable bed in his new flat, and he was immediately aware of two things which were very different from when he had last opened his eyes. The first was that his head was in imminent danger of exploding from the mind-blowing intensity of his post-revelry hangover, and the second was that he wasn't alone in the bed.

The latter circumstance would have been interesting for many reasons if it weren't for the former. Even given his pounding headache, Remus was able to spare a brief thought for the memories of heated skin and searing pleasure which he dimly associated with the form now snuggled up against his shoulder, one arm flung across his waist and face obscured by unkempt black hair. Remus hadn't had someone to cuddle with, much less do anything else with, since Tonks had taken up with Percy and moved out months before. Not that he missed _her_ , not really - his greatest regret over their failed relationship was how little regret he felt when she left - but he did miss physical intimacy, missed having someone who wanted to touch him and caress him rather than shying away, as most people did, from physical contact with a werewolf. 

The man - Dennis? Darius? Remus couldn't be certain - was someone he had seen a couple of times at the Ministry. The man had smiled at him rather coyly and mumbled his name before hurrying away when Remus had tried to introduce himself, but Remus hadn't been offended since it seemed to be innate shyness rather than discomfort. As Remus recalled, however, he hadn't been shy the night before, much to their mutual pleasure. Perhaps alcohol had given him courage, just as it had lowered Remus' inhibitions against taking someone he barely knew to bed. But no matter what the motive was behind their unexpected liaison, the outcome had been entirely satisfactory.

Perhaps it would even be satisfactory again, if Remus could make it to the loo and down a hangover potion before his head burst or his stomach attempted to turn itself inside-out. Wincing, Remus tried to ease himself away from the warm body clinging to him in an appealing way, and he wondered if by some fortunate chance he had two hangover potions in the cabinet instead of only the one he remembered. Either way, he hoped that the light of day and lack of alcoholic bravery wouldn't make his new lover go fleeing from him with regret before Remus had a chance to find out if they were as compatible sober as they were drunk.

His lover stirred as the mattress shifted at Remus' movement, and a sleepy murmur that might have been a protest accompanied the tightening of the long arm flung around Remus, as if its owner wanted him to stay. That was encouraging, and only the desire not to start off what could be a pleasant morning after by vomiting kept Remus from putting off finding that hangover potion and snuggling up to Dennis/Darius/Darren for a while longer.

Reluctantly, he slid from beneath his lover's arm and swung his feet over the side of the bed, a soft groan escaping him as he pressed the heel of his palm against his forehead, trying to keep his throbbing brain from bursting through his skull -

\- and suddenly, the shrill, piercing shriek of what had to be a banshee filled the room, sending jagged icicles of pain shooting through Remus' head.

"YOU!"

The banshee had somehow managed to stop wailing and form words, which meant it couldn't be a banshee, especially since this particular banshee sounded familiar.

Clutching his head in both hands, Remus glanced over his shoulder, his eyes widening to House Elf proportions when he saw the last person he ever expected to find in his bed.

Severus Snape.

Severus, who was glaring at him and trying to cover himself all the way up to his chin - as if Remus hadn't seen him completely naked the night before. Memories came flooding back, and Remus groaned again. God, he hadn't just _seen_ Severus naked; he had _licked_ him all over like a starving man who'd just been given an all-day sucker.

"You - you cad! You beast!" Severus was spitting invective at him with all the affronted modesty of a Victorian maiden, and the noise made the ache in Remus' head move down until he felt as if his entire face might cave in as well. "You tricked me! You slipped something into my drink - you must have! I know damned well I didn't get drunk enough last night to fall into bed with _you_!"

The last syllable of Severus' rant seemed to echo endlessly about in the cavern of Remus' head, overloading his already overstimulated senses. With a strangled yelp, he surged up from the bed, dashing for the loo and slamming the door shut behind him.

Several minutes and one hangover potion later - there hadn't been a second one, but Remus wasn't feeling courteous after Severus' outburst - Remus felt well enough to brush his teeth. He stared at the closed bathroom door, part of him wishing that he had his wand and clothes so that he could Apparate away. With a snort of amusement, he wondered just how much the much-vaunted Gryffindor courage had come about simply by having acted too rashly to remember the necessary accouterments to affect a speedy escape from a dangerous situation. 

And if Remus had ever been in a potentially deadly set of circumstances in his life, this was certainly it.

Sighing, he retrieved a towel from the bar next to the shower and wrapped it about his waist. He wished that he at least had his dressing gown, but that was on the other side of the door where Severus was. At least this way, he wasn't totally naked; even if Severus had already seen - and touched - every bit of him, having an argument while naked wasn't something that Remus cared to experience.

"I guess I'd best face the music - or the screaming, rather," he murmured, and then he opened the door and stepped cautiously out into the bedroom. He repressed a sigh of regret as he saw that Severus was still in the bed; apparently, it had been quite real, and not some hangover-induced hallucination as he had half-hoped. At least Severus didn't seem to be pointing a wand at him, and maybe the nonsense Severus had been spouting about tricks and things in drinks would make more sense now that Remus' head wasn't about to explode. 

"Severus," he said warily, casting a quick glance toward the bedroom door in case a hasty retreat was needed. "Um... fancy meeting you here?"

"How dare you mock me!" Severus somehow managed to draw himself up in self-righteous indignation even while keeping the sheet pulled up to his chin, and under different circumstances, Remus might have found the situation amusing. "Don't play innocent with me, Lupin. You tricked me. There's no other explanation for what happened!" Narrowing his eyes, Severus shot Remus a venomous glare. "What was this, some kind of revenge for your old friends? One last joke at Snivellus' expense in honor of their memory?"

" _What_?"

Remus gaped at Severus, stunned and oddly hurt by the vicious accusation. Perhaps he shouldn't have been - this _was_ Severus Snape, one of the most paranoid human beings ever to walk the face of the earth. Severus also had a habit of holding on to a grudge until it expired of old age, and even then, he would have it stuffed and mounted on his mantle. 

Covering his wounded feelings with a shrug, Remus crossed his arms over his chest. He would have liked to snatch up his dressing gown from the chair across the room, but he didn't want to be seen as being overly defensive. 

"At the risk of hurting your feelings, Severus, I didn't even realize it was _you_ I was shagging. I have vague memories of bringing home someone whom I thought was a coworker from the Ministry, and I am just as surprised as you are to find out that we... were together. So even if I were the type to deal in petty acts of revenge" - the _like you_ was unspoken - "I couldn't have done so."

"A likely story," Severus snarled, clutching the sheets beneath his chin and continuing to glare balefully at Remus. "I don't believe a word of it. I only had one drink last night - a drink you _must_ have slipped something into, because I don't remember anything beyond you pawing at me. I told you no, but obviously, you persisted until whatever you gave me took effect, and then you dragged me here and had your way with me."

Remus clenched his jaw, silently counting to ten as he tried to hold on to his rapidly fraying temper. He _knew_ he hadn't done anything to Severus, so Severus was either deluded or making things up to cover his own embarrassment, or Remus' mind had been too fuddled by alcohol for him to be able to remember. Whatever the reason, though, it annoyed Remus to be unjustly accused, especially when there was nothing he could do to _prove_ his innocence...

"Wait!" Remus said, crossing to the bed with a determine stride and staring down at Severus with a look of triumph. "You're a Legilimens. You can look into my mind and see that I'm telling the truth! I don't know how I ended up in bed with you, Severus, but whatever happened, I didn't do anything wrong!"

Remus expected Severus to leap at the chance to rummage around in his head, but to his surprise, Severus grabbed his pillow and swung at him, suddenly turning into a wild, shrieking dervish and pummeling Remus mercilessly.

"Get away from me, you beast!" Severus punctuated each word with a blow, not seeming to care where it landed, and Remus threw his arms up, trying to shield himself to no avail. "I'm sure you would _love_ for me to open up my mind and make myself vulnerable to you when I'm hung-over and can't shield properly. It's all part of your plan to humiliate me, isn't it?"

"I'm not! I'm not!" Remus backed away quickly, giving Severus a troubled look. Severus seemed genuinely upset, perhaps even panicked. Remus knew he couldn't have slipped something in Severus' drink, but with a sudden hiss of indrawn breath, he admitted to himself that just because _he_ hadn't, that didn't mean that someone else might not have.

"Severus! Calm down, all right?" he said, making his voice as soothing as possible. "Look, I swear to you I didn't give you anything, and I don't want vengeance against you! But maybe someone else did? There were a lot of people at that party, and... well, no offense, there are a lot of people who might have wanted to do something to you. Please - just listen, all right? We can work this out. Really, was there any harm done? I know that I enjoyed, er, what we did. I seem to recall that you did, too."

Severus clutched the pillow against his chest like a shield and glowered at Remus over the top of it. "Of course there was harm done! I was ravished against my will! I told you - I don't remember what happened. I was ready to leave when you came over and draped yourself all over me. You said 'hey, baby - want to make me howl?', and that's all I remember until this morning. _If_ it was enjoyable, which I highly doubt, I have no memory of it. I damned well didn't give my consent!"

Remus couldn't have been more stunned if Severus had suddenly jumped up and started dancing a jig. He didn't want to believe it, but... dear _God_ , that horrible pick up line. How often had Sirius and James tormented him with having said that, the one and only time he had been stupid enough to have gone to a Muggle club with them? He had been so nervous, and they had been _watching_ after having dared him to go over and speak to some girl, and he had just blurted it out. He had been mortified, but the girl had giggled and told him he was cute.

Shivering, Remus wrapped his arms around himself, giving Severus a gaze from troubled golden eyes. Severus couldn't have imagined _that_ , couldn't have made it up or pulled it randomly out of the air. Remus knew he hadn't drugged Severus, but it seemed as though he actually had been the one to proposition him after someone else had set Severus up. 

"I..." he struggled to find words. "Severus. I swear to you, I didn't drug you. Even if I did pick you up, I never would have hurt you. I'm sorry if you are unhappy about this, but I don't know what to do to change it! Please, you have to believe me - I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to hurt anyone. The war is over. I just want to live my life in peace."

"You think I don't?" Severus hugged the pillow tighter and glanced away, and his shoulders slumped as if in defeat. "It has been difficult enough to reintegrate into society since the war ended and the truth about my allegiance was revealed without dealing with a humiliation such as this. You say you don't want to hurt me, but you have no idea what you have done." He looked up again, dark eyes blazing. "I was chaste before last night, Lupin. You took my virginity while I was in a drugged stupor."

Of all the shocks Remus had received, Severus' final words were what came close to making Remus break. He wasn't a bad man; he knew that, but to have done _that_ , with no thought, with no _care_ , utterly devastated him. He had always prided himself on not having done anything to directly harm an innocent person, never having killed anyone or passed on his curse. But this was just as bad. To have taken something from Severus that he must have held dear, to not even _remember_ having done it, made him loathe himself in a way he hadn't in many years.

He sagged against the bedpost, reaching out to clutch it as his stomach lurched sickeningly, a sensation far, far worse than the hangover, because _this_ particular illness would never go away. "I'm sorry, Severus. I didn't know, and I am mortified that I did that to you. Please... can you ever forgive me? I..." Remus' voice broke, and he shivered, speaking in a pained whisper the words he knew were inadequate. "Sorry. I'm so very, very sorry." 

"I don't want your apologies." Severus looked at Remus with the kind of disgust one usually reserved for the remains of squished bugs on the bottom of one's shoe. "You owe me, Lupin," he said in a low, dangerous tone. "I'm going to see to it that you pay for what you've done."

A frisson of horror went down Remus' spine. He felt terrible for what he had done, but he was all too familiar with Severus' version of retaliation, and just how devastating it could be. Still, in this case, he probably deserved it.

"Of course, Severus," he said, resigned to his fate. He wondered if there was any call for werewolf instructors in Siberia or whatever end of the Earth Severus was going to hound him to. "Although it might surprise you to know that, for once, there is very little you can do to me to make me despise myself for this more than I already do."

The look on Severus' face didn't reassure Remus in the slightest, since he could practically see the "want to bet?' thought balloon over Severus' head. But Severus said nothing; he merely flung out his arm and pointed to the bedroom door. 

"Fine," Severus said curtly. "Now get out. I want to find my clothes, get dressed, and leave this place before anything else regrettable happens."

Remus paused, wanting to say more but not exactly knowing what he _could_ say. Finally he nodded, crossing to the chair and picking up his dressing gown. He shrugged into it, and then he moved toward the door.

Hand on the knob, he turned. "Severus, I..." He bit his lip. "I'm sorry. No just for what happened, but for giving you a reason to hate me even more than you already do."

With that, he walked out of the room, closing the door quietly behind him.

* * *

The wards alerted Severus that someone had entered his house in his absence, thus he wasn't surprised to find Narcissa in the parlor, lounging indolently in his favorite chair. As soon as she saw him, she rose to meet him, both hands outstretched. He clasped her hands and bent to let her kiss his cheeks, suffering the contact in silence; he suspected Narcissa was using him as a substitute for her lost social contacts, thus she treated him now as she had once treated them - and had been treated herself - and he didn't begrudge her for it. 

Narcissa had sacrificed much during the war, risking her life by defying Lucius in order to protect Draco, although she was little more appreciated now for her efforts than Severus was, and when it came right down to it, they were all each other had left now that Draco was living in Berlin. 

"I saw you leave with him last night," she said, squeezing his hands before releasing them. "You must tell me everything. Did it go as you planned?" 

"Surely you don't expect me to be remiss in my duties as a host?" Severus raised one eyebrow, careful to keep the amusement he felt off his face. 

He would tease and withhold information, and she would pout prettily; it was a little game, but he enjoyed playing it. Now that Narcissa's social circle was diminished - her husband dead and her former acquaintances dead, imprisoned, or shunning her - she wasn't privy to the regular diet of juicy gossip she craved, thus she had pounced on the opportunity Severus had presented her to help with his plan. 

"Wouldn't you like some tea?" he asked, the picture of innocence, and she waved impatiently as she returned to his chair and sat down, arranging her robes with fussy care. 

"No, thank you," she replied. "Now do sit down and tell me what happened." 

"If you insist." Severus allowed himself to smirk then, not bothering to hide the smug satisfaction he felt. He moved to stand in front of the hearth, letting the cozy flames warm him. "It went far better than I imagined," he said. "Remus fell for it completely. I even managed to convince him that I was a virgin, and he is suffering the agonies of remorse over having sullied my virtue without my consent even as we speak." 

"Oh, Severus, you _are_ cruel." Narcissa's tone was reproachful, but her eyes sparkled with mischievous amusement. 

"Gryffindor guilt and nobility are shockingly easy to manipulate." Severus ran one hand idly along the mantle, thinking about Remus' shock and horror; it was almost enough to make him feel guilty, but he squashed that notion quickly. "It's barely even a challenge." 

"Still, you have him where you want him," she said, watching Severus intently. "Do you intend to follow through with your plan?" 

He gave her a look that made it clear how foolish a question that was. "Of course I do. I don't intend to let this drop just because he's turned into the love child of Byron and Shelley over his lost honor." 

Narcissa laughed and gazed at him fondly. "I suppose you truly did surrender your alleged virtue?" 

"Twice," Severus replied, the corners of his mouth tugging upward at the memory. There was one thing he hadn't lied to Remus about, and that was the fact that he had only had one drink all evening. He wanted to keep his wits about him considering what he was about to do; fortunately, Remus had got himself pissed enough that Severus hadn't needed to resort to slipping a mild aphrodisiac into his drink. All Severus had to do was keep himself fortified with Polyjuice Potion and give Remus a few "come hither" glances across the crowded room, and things proceeded apace. 

He closed his eyes, reliving the memories of Remus' warm, solid body covering him; of Remus' teeth nipping at his flesh; of Remus' tongue mapping his body; of the sense of completion he felt as he spread his legs and welcomed Remus inside him. He had given himself over to their lovemaking in ways he never had before; not wearing his own face made it safe for him to let his inhibitions slip, and the fact that he held Remus in his arms at long last made it impossible for him to hold back, especially since there were no guarantees that it wouldn't be their first and last time if Severus' plan failed. 

_It can't fail_ , Severus thought with grim determination. Two wars, decades serving as the pawn of two demanding masters, and a life that was not truly his own to live - all that was over now. He had survived, and he had escaped prison thanks to the steps Albus had taken to prove Severus wasn't a traitor once it was safe for the truth to come out. Even the Ministry couldn't refute the evidence, no matter how much they wanted to pillory him, and for the first time since his schooldays, Severus Snape was a free man. 

His life had consisted of servitude and deprivation, but by God, that was going to change. Ever since he was fifteen years old, Severus had wanted only one thing: Remus Lupin. His heart had ached in despair, loving Remus desperately even as he tried to convince himself he ought to hate Remus. There were times when he had managed it, driven by pain and anger and jealousy to hate and to hurt the one he loved, but now that the war was over and he was free, he was determined to fight for Remus, to have _one thing_ he wanted in this lonely, miserable life of his, one thing that would make all the suffering worthwhile. 

He loved Remus Lupin, but he harbored no illusions about the possibility of Remus loving him in return, not after their tumultuous history, thus he had conceived of a plan that would give him the time and the opportunity he needed to court Remus properly. He hoped that if he had a chance to show Remus how he felt and that he wanted to make Remus happy, Remus would forgive him for his past mistakes and fall in love with him. 

He hoped. 

"How long until you spring the trap?" Narcissa asked, jolting him out of his reverie. 

"Three or four days," he said, opening his eyes and banishing the memories with reluctance. "Long enough for him to believe I've spent my time researching the matter." 

"And if he says no?" She raised a delicate blonde eyebrow. 

"He won't." Severus' tone echoed the confidence he felt on that score. "If you had seen him this morning, you would know. I can use his guilt to make him do anything right now."

"Anything?" she asked softly. "Even marry you?"

Severus turned and stared into the dancing flames, apprehension gnawing at the pit of his stomach as he thought about the risky game he was playing for stakes that meant the world to him. He rested his arm on the mantle and leaned his forehead against it, closing his eyes again and silently fortified his will to see this through.

"Yes," he said, his voice filled with quiet determination. "Even marry me."

* * *

" _Marry_ you? Have you _completely_ lost your mind?"

Remus' wide-eyed look of incredulity might have been comical in other circumstances, but as things stood, Severus hardly found it flattering, especially given the seriousness of his intentions. To say that Remus seemed shocked by the proposal was something of an understatement, given that he stood gaping at Severus with as much disbelief as though Severus had suddenly sprouted two heads, or shown up wearing a frilly pink smock and black patent Mary Janes. For a moment, it even appeared that Remus might be woozy with shock, although the pallor of his skin seemed to change abruptly as a rush of blood stained his cheeks a not-unattractive pink.

"Is this your idea of a joke, Severus?" he asked, obviously striving for the calmness of his normal tones, but failing. He even managed an uncomfortable chuckle. "You're paying me back for, er... the other night, right? Very funny. Er... yes. For a moment there, I actually thought you meant it."

"I do mean it." Severus folded his arms and mustered his most formidable glare. It wasn't easy when what he wanted to do was wind his arms around Remus and nuzzle those flushed cheeks until Remus was willing to be coaxed back into bed for a repeat of their one night together, only with Severus wearing his own face this time.

"I've done considerable research into marriage laws, and I've discovered that as someone whose virtue has been compromised against his will, I have the legal right to demand marriage in order to restore my lost honor."

Severus wasn't bluffing. Narcissa had instructed her solicitor to research marriage laws on Severus' behalf while Severus was formulating his plan, and there was in fact an old, obscure law in the books that allowed him to force Remus into marriage on the basis that "thee partie of thee first parte has been defyled under thee influence of spirits." There was more, but that was a significant part of the law, and it was enough for Severus to use to his advantage.

"I insist that you marry me, Lupin," he continued, tipping his chin up proudly. "I'll take you to court if I must, but I _will_ be compensated for the public humiliation and mental and emotional duress you have inflicted on me."

"Public humiliation? But - no one knows what happened but us! If you want me to swear never to say anything, Severus, I will. I'll even take an Unbreakable Vow to that effect!" 

A hint of something almost like panic wound its way through Remus' voice, and he lifted one hand to run it through his hair in agitation. "You still think I was trying to trick you, to take some kind of revenge, don't you? But... marrying you? You hate me, Severus - is this your way of trying to get revenge on _me_?" 

Severus drew himself up straight and tall, trying to ignore the sting Remus' obvious distress gave his pride. He knew Remus didn't like him, much less love him, and he reminded himself that this was to be expected. He had considerable obstacles to overcome if he wanted Remus to fall in love with him, and he couldn't falter, or he would fail.

"This isn't about revenge, Lupin," he said. "This is about you getting what you deserve after what you did to me. You took something valuable from me, something that gave me a magical advantage. It's gone now, thanks to you. You owe me, and this is the coin I have chosen for your repayment."

Remus' face went pale again, and he swallowed visibly. For a moment, Severus wondered if Remus were going to run away, screaming in terror, but then his brows descended in a sudden frown. 

"But that doesn't make any sense!" he said, his voice laced with confusion and worry. "How does forcing me to marry you make things right? You can barely stand the sight of me. You made it so that I had to resign from Hogwarts, you despised me for my friends, you thought I lied about Sirius. You have never shown me anything save contempt, even when you made the Wolfsbane Potion for me. How in the world does tying yourself to me for the rest of your life make up for what happened? Unless it is your desire to do it in order to punish me, to make me miserable for the rest of _my_ life."

Severus gritted his teeth, his mind racing as he tried to find a way to force Remus' hand without giving away his own. "I must live the rest of my life without the advantage chastity gave me. There are certain potions I will never be able to brew again," he said, thankful that what Remus knew about adept level brewing could fit in a thimble. "However, you can make it up to me by providing ingredients that are difficult and expensive to come by. Werewolf fur and saliva, for example, are quite expensive due to the danger involved in procuring them. You may also serve as a guinea pig while I work on improving the Wolfsbane Potion. I want constant access to your person-"

Which was, he thought, no less than the complete truth, only not quite in the way Remus might think he meant it. 

"-and marriage seems the best way of making certain I have it. As I said, it is also my legal right as your victim. I'm quite certain you don't want me going to the Ministry, especially while I bear these," he said, pulling down his collar and revealing a fading bruise on his throat that was unmistakably in the shape of teeth marks. "There are others, if you wish to see them."

Remus did flinch at that, his eyes fixed on the bite mark as though he could erase it by staring at it hard enough. After a few moments, however, he seemed to wilt, drawing in on himself and dropping his gaze to the floor. "You're right, Severus. It's my fault. I took your virginity, even if I didn't realize it at the time. I suppose I will just have to pay for my mistake."

He rose to his feet, crossing to the mantel and staring into the cold hearth. "When did you want to... do it?" he said, voice devoid of emotion. Turning his head, he looked at Severus with empty eyes. "I assume the bare minimum legalities to get the job done will suffice? Will I be allowed to keep my job at the Ministry afterward, or am I to be at your beck and call at all times as well?"

The emptiness in Remus' voice and eyes wrenched at Severus' conscience, and for a moment, he wanted to call the whole thing off. He wanted to gather Remus in his arms and promise to do anything to make Remus happy if only Remus would smile again. He wanted to give up his plan, but he knew Remus would only push him away. Remus' reactions proved that Severus wouldn't have succeeded if he had tried to pursue Remus the usual way; Remus wouldn't have given him a chance. If he wanted an opportunity to win Remus' heart, he had to follow through. In for a penny, in for a pound.

Steeling himself, he forced himself to sound stern. "Of course you may keep your job. I will be your spouse, not your owner. As for the wedding, I will make the arrangements unless there are specific things you want for the ceremony. This is our wedding, and I am amenable to whatever suggestions you might have."

"Whatever you wish, Severus," Remus replied quietly. His shoulders lifted in a slight shrug. "I have no particular thoughts about the ceremony. I never expected to marry anyone, so it's not something I've ever considered before. Just tell me when and where."

"Very well." Severus nodded tersely and clasped his hands behind his back to keep himself from reaching out to Remus. It was too soon, and he didn't want to risk Remus flinching away from him. "I will send you an owl when everything is in order. If there is anyone you wish to attend, send me a list."

Remus echoed Severus' nod, but distantly, as if his thoughts were a thousand miles away, before giving himself an abrupt shake. "All right. Was that everything you wished to discuss, Severus? If so, I believe I will say good night. I have work in the morning, and I need to go to bed." 

Severus repressed a shiver at the memory of Remus' bed, and he wished he could follow Remus to the bedroom for a repeat of that magical night. Soon, he thought. Perhaps one day soon, he would have the right. Perhaps one day soon, Remus would welcome him.

"I believe we have concluded our business," he said, mustering his iron will to keep his voice neutral. "You will hear from me soon. Until then, good night. You needn't bother showing me out." 

With that, he pivoted on his heel and marched for the door, wishing with every step that he didn't have to leave.

* * *

"To a long and happy life together. Congratulations, Severus - you did it!" 

Severus dutifully clinked his champagne glass against Narcissa's and took a sip; Narcissa only bought the finest champagne, after all, and it would be a shame to waste it, but he was distracted and, if he admitted the truth to himself, a little disheartened by Remus' obvious distress over the thought of marrying him. He knew Remus wouldn't suddenly fling his arms around Severus and confess that he had been harboring a secret love for Severus all these years too, but seeing the dull emptiness in Remus' eyes made him wonder if he stood any chance of winning Remus' heart at all. 

"Now then, have you given any thought to the wedding?" Narcissa asked, jolting him out of his dismal reverie. 

"I thought perhaps a simple civil ceremony at the Ministry-" He cut himself off when he realized Narcissa was staring at him, aghast, as if he had just suggested using a fish fork to eat salad. "What?" 

"Severus, you are marrying the man you have been in love with for most of your life," she said, speaking to him in the patient tone one might use to explain something to a small child. "This is the event that will launch your married life, and you can use it to make a statement to him." 

"What kind of statement?" he asked, frowning in puzzlement, and she threw up her hands. 

"Honestly, Severus, have you no romance in your soul?" 

"No." He gave her a Look that implied she was being dense to ask the question, even rhetorically. "That would be why I've been coming to you for help with this situation in the first place." 

"Clearly, I am needed even more than I imagined," she said, her expression reproachful, but he ignored it. "Very well - we shall plan your wedding together, and it will _not_ be some generic ceremony in a low level official's tatty little office." 

Red flags began springing up left and right, and Severus shook his head, his eyes widening in alarm. "Narcissa, we mustn't overwhelm the man. He has had enough of a shock as it is, and if I spring some kind of lavish society wedding on him, he's likely to bolt." 

_Or I will_ , he thought grimly. 

"Oh, very well." Narcissa's face crumpled in disappointment, and Severus had visions of narrowly escaping a ceremony involving rose petals falling in a continuous rain, explosions of flowers and ribbons, and possibly cupids. Seeming undaunted by Severus' limitations, she put down her champagne glass and summoned a quill and parchment and then gazed up at him brightly. "Who will be attending on your side?" 

"You," he replied, and after a moment's thought, he added, "And Draco, if he can spare the time off from work." 

Narcissa continued watching him expectantly, and Severus frowned at her, wondering what else she expected him to say. After a long silence had passed, she blinked, appearing startled. "Draco and I are the only guests you intend to invite?" 

"Who else is there?" Severus retorted, folding his arms and ignoring the little twinge of regret at the reminder of how much the circumstances of his life had cost him. "My family are dead, and none of my former colleagues and acquaintances want anything to do with me." 

"But the evidence-" 

"They don't care," he interrupted sharply. "I killed someone who meant far more to them than I ever did or could. The reasons why don't matter. They cannot - will not - forgive me for it." 

"Oh." Narcissa turned her gaze to the blank parchment for a moment, and when she looked up again, Severus saw what he privately deemed her polite smile, the one that was used to cover a reaction she didn't want to reveal, firmly in place. "Well, I will write to Draco immediately. What about Lupin? Does he have as small a guest list as you do?"

"I don't know." Severus decided this was a good time to down his champagne in one gulp and did so. "I imagine not unless his friends decide they have no desire to witness him marry me." He paused and stared into his empty glass, wishing for something stronger than champagne. "Or unless he decides not to invite anyone because he's ashamed. Our marriage may well become one more little secret he keeps hidden," he added, a trace of bitterness in his voice. 

"Are you having second thoughts?" Narcissa asked softly, watching him with concern. 

Severus sighed and raked one hand through his hair. "Yes. If you could have seen the way he looked at me - as if the thought of marrying me had sucked everything good out of his life." He laughed mirthlessly. "Instead of being his spouse, I shall be his own personal Dementor." 

"Severus, you must not give up hope so soon," she admonished, wagging her quill at him. "You _are_ forcing his hand, and likely, he is in shock. Once he has time to adjust and you begin to woo him properly, he will come around." 

"You're right." Severus set down his glass and turned to her, bracing up his resolve. "Right now, he thinks I hate him, and that this is some kind of retribution. Once we're married, and I have time to show him the truth, things will be different." 

"Exactly so." Narcissa smiled reassuringly. "Now then, since this will be a small affair, I have a wonderful place in mind. What do you think about an outdoor wedding in a lovely little private garden? I know of one that is available for weddings, and it would be a perfect setting." 

"Yes..." Severus rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "I think that would do nicely." 

"Good. Now we need to decide on decorations, your robes, the reception, the honeymoon-" 

"Honeymoon?" Severus glanced at her, startled. 

"Well, yes, of course," she said, her tone one of incredulity that he hadn't thought of it himself. "Severus, I _told_ you. This is the event that will set the course for your married life. If you want to sweep him off his feet, this is when you ought to begin. What better way than a romantic honeymoon? He works at the Ministry now, does he not? If you marry on a Friday, you can have a weekend honeymoon, and your new spouse can be back at work on Monday morning." 

"Yes, but where? A weekend getaway limits our options." 

"Paris is an option - oh! You could rent a cottage near Honfleur, or perhaps find a quaint inn at Dijon. A few glasses of the local wine ought to relax him," she said, giving Severus an arch look, and he felt the prickle of heat in his cheeks. 

"I'll bear that in mind," he said dryly. 

"Do let me know what you decide as soon as possible." Narcissa scribbled a few hasty notes, and then she rolled up her parchment. "I need a date for the wedding as well, and then I can begin making the arrangements." 

"I'll let you know what we decide." He paused, wanting to express his gratitude for her assistance, but words of that sort had never come easy for him. "Thank you," he said at last, and she smiled fondly, as if she understood. 

"Not at all. If I have any questions, I shall be in touch." And with that, she was gone, Disapparating in a crack of displaced air and leaving him alone to wonder exactly what he had got himself into and how it would all work out in the end.

* * *

"You're absolutely certain there is no way around it?" 

Remus wasn't certain that his desperation was evident in his voice until he saw the sympathy in Mr. Stone's gaze. The young barrister shook his head sadly, resting one hand lightly on top of a huge tome bound in ancient leather. 

"I'm afraid not, Mr. Lupin. The law is old, dating back even earlier than the Marriage Act of 1753, and oddly enough, it is one of the few statutes not invalidated by that Act. Mr. Snape is within his rights to demand that you marry him. I'm afraid that unless you revoke your citizenship and move to a different country, you will have to agree to the wedding or face imprisonment. Not only that, the offense would be of sufficient severity to disqualify you from employment by the Ministry even once your sentence was completed. Basically, the law was to prevent rakes from ruining innocent young girls by ruining them in turn - it is just unfortunate that you are the first person actually being subjected to it in over a hundred years."

The soft words were like a death knell, and Remus sighed as any hope of avoiding his predicament vanished. He rose to his feet, offering a hand to the barrister. "Thank you for trying, Mr. Stone," he said quietly, as the young man stood and returned his light clasp. "The law is the law, I suppose, and unfortunately, this isn't the first time I've been on the wrong side of statutes designed to 'protect' someone else at my expense."

Remus' words were light, but they held no humor as he spoke of the Werewolf Registration Laws, and Mr. Stone, who had been a first year at Hogwarts the year Remus had taken his NEWTs, winced in response. Stone had helped Remus then, as well - pro bono that time, although Remus was happy to be able to pay him for his time now - and had been the one to find the loophole which had allowed Remus to circumvent the legislation which had been designed to keep lycanthropes from holding positions in public service, and thus secure his current job.

"Indeed. I only wish I could have been as successful at finding a satisfactory workaround for you this time," came the quiet reply, and Remus smiled without humor before politely taking his leave.

The day was grey and chilly, and Remus huddled into the new robes he had purchased only the previous week. It seemed so long ago, now, when he had stood in Madam Malkin's being fitted in the deep blue fabric, proud and pleased to finally be able to afford something that hadn't been worn by someone else first. He had a good job, the debts that he had accumulated throughout the years had been paid off, and with the war finally over, Remus felt free - truly free - for the first time in his life. There was still the moon to contend with, of course, but even that couldn't dampen the joy Remus had felt at knowing that his life held more than bleak prospects and continuing poverty. It was in that spirit of celebration that Remus had ended up imbibing far too freely at the Ministry party, and thus had, through ignorance, managed to curtail his own liberty by ravishing Severus Snape.

Head down, Remus gazed at the pavement passing beneath the hem of his robes without seeing a single crack or pebble. He had no option, it seemed, but to do the honorable thing and submit to the marriage Severus was demanding. Flight to another country was simply not an option, nor was imprisonment; Remus' job was important, not just because he represented the interests of his fellow lycanthropes, but also because his job was the highest one in the Ministry to which a werewolf had ever risen. He represented not just himself, but all others of his kind, and he knew that the hopes of many - as well as the prejudices of others - were pinned on whether he succeeded or failed. It was a responsibility he had happily accepted, although he never could have imagined at the time just how dear his position would end up costing him.

It wasn't that he was against marriage, per se, although he certainly hadn't desired it with Tonks, and her affair with Percy was more of a relief than anything else, once he had gotten over the initial hurt of betrayal. Like anyone else, he had imagined that one day he would fall deeply and truly in love with someone, enough so that he would desire to spend the rest of his life with her - or him.

Even as old as he was, he hadn't entirely given up hope, which was why he had not wanted to settle for marriage with Tonks when he still had that small, secret hope for something deeper. But now even that vague dream was lost to him, swept away in a night which was little more to him than vague memories of slick, heated skin and a face he somehow hadn't recognized as belonging to a man who had hated him for most of his life.

His own feelings about Severus were complicated enough to defy easy classification. He remember telling Harry once, over a year ago, that he neither liked nor disliked Severus, and at the time, it had been true enough. His hatred had blossomed when Severus had killed Albus, and then it had died when the truth behind that act - and Albus' own instigation of it - had come out. Severus had been a pawn, one who had been used just as Remus himself had been, a man whose destiny had been subject to decisions he had made in his youth, the consequences of which had haunted him for years. Perhaps that was why he sometimes felt he understood Severus so well; in many ways, they had both spent years paying for a single error of judgment made when they were too young to consider just how long they would end up being haunted by it.

He had felt guilty for the things that occurred in their youth, but that guilt had been washed away by Severus' revelation of Remus' lycanthropy. He still felt grateful for Severus making the Wolfsbane potion, but that gratitude had worn thin in the face of Severus continued antipathy. In truth, he couldn't say exactly _how_ he felt about Severus before the night of the Ministry party, but as Remus knew all too well, feelings had nothing to do with lust, be it for blood as a wolf, or for flesh as a man.

Even now, his resentment for the position Severus had placed him in was tempered by his own guilt about having taken Severus' innocence. Severus' claim that Remus had slipped something into his drink was preposterous, of course, but Remus was honest enough to admit that he was capable of having slept with Severus if Severus had been already impaired through some other means. Severus was attractive in his own way, and if Remus' fuzzy recollections of that night were accurate, they had both enjoyed their physical union. A lifelong commitment, however, seemed a heavy price to pay for one night of carnal pleasure during which Remus had been so pissed that he couldn't even recognize the man he had been shagging.

Fairness, however, had very little to do with real life; it was a lesson Remus thought he had learned, but apparently, he hadn't done so quite enough. Once again, Severus was to be his taskmaster, and this time, it was more than Remus' job on the line - it was his entire future, which had days ago seemed so bright that Remus thought even being a werewolf wasn't so horrid any longer. 

If Severus still hated him, however, Remus was certain that he would be made to pay a price which would make his lycanthropy seem like a blessing by comparison.


	2. Chapter 2

The sign above the door read _Auberge_ , and Remus double checked the address with what he had written on the piece of parchment he held, frowning in confusion. They matched, so it seemed he had the right place, but somehow Remus hadn't expected Severus Snape to be the type to pick a French restaurant for a discussion about their upcoming nuptials.

Remus was proud that he was able to think the word without cringing outwardly, even if the small curl of uneasiness that had lodged itself in his stomach quivered in response. A part of him still held out hope that Severus would change his mind, or, better yet, announce that it was all a joke and that Remus was a complete fool for thinking that Severus would _really_ want to tie himself to a werewolf for the rest of his life. In this case, Remus would be more than happy to put up with Severus' mockery if it meant Remus wouldn't have to go through with the wedding. He didn't know what Severus' _real_ motivation was behind forcing him to submit to some archaic bit of legalese which probably predated Merlin, but one thing he was absolutely certain of was that it had nothing to do with the reasons Severus had given him.

Passersby were eying him oddly, and Remus fidgeted, smoothing down the jacket of his Muggle suit. It wasn't an expensive or even a particularly nice one, but it was all he had that was appropriate for a dinner in London. He liked to think the pale gray fabric looked good on him, and quite frankly, he needed all the confidence he could get. Drawing in a deep breath, Remus decided he couldn't avoid the inevitable, and he reached out to open the door and step inside.

It took a few moments for his eyes to adjust to the dimness of the interior, and by the time they had, the maitre d' was approaching, smiling in a condescending way that made Remus flush uncomfortably.

"May I 'elp you, Monsieur?" the man asked in an overdone French accent, and Remus resisted the urge to turn around and bolt.

"Yes," he replied, clasping his hands together to keep himself from fidgeting. "I am meeting a Mr. Snape here for dinner. Has he arrived?"

"Yes, 'e 'as. This way, s'il vous plait." 

The man's attitude had changed at the mention of Severus' name, becoming formal and polite, and Remus couldn't help the slight smile which curved his lips. Severus _was_ rather intimidating, as Remus well knew. When it wasn't directed at him, Remus could even find it amusing. 

He was led to a secluded table, and the smile faded as he caught sight of Severus. Unfortunately there was little he found amusing about being forced into marriage against his will, and he donned his mask of calm imperturbability as he came abreast of the table.

"Hello, Severus," he said evenly, sliding into the chair across from Severus' and calmly folding his hands in his lap.

Even in the atmospheric lighting of the restaurant, Remus could see that Severus had put some effort into his grooming, which was a surprise; he'd never thought Severus cared about his appearance, but tonight, Severus' hair appeared freshly washed, and his suit - black, of course - was of a fashionable cut, well-fitted and seemingly more expensive a garment than Remus would have guessed Severus owned. Frankly, he wouldn't have been surprised if Severus had shown up wearing something that looked straight out of the Forties.

It was probably a trick of the candlelight, but Remus thought he caught a flicker of - warmth? - in Severus' dark eyes, but it was quickly replaced, if it had been there at all, by a look of remote coolness that was more like what Remus expected. Severus licked his lips, and then he inclined his head politely. 

"Hello-" There was a slight hesitation. "-Remus."

If there had ever been a time Severus had called him by his given name before, Remus couldn't remember it. Somehow hearing it now, in Severus' silk-velvet tone, was more alarming than if Severus had greeted him with a sneer and a sarcastic comment, and he held on to his cool detachment with an iron grip.

Their waiter - who unctuously introduced himself as "Michel" - offered Remus a distraction by handing him an opened menu, and Remus accepted it, grateful to have something to do with his hands. He glanced down at it while his wineglass was filled from a bottle Severus had apparently ordered before his arrival, wondering if getting thoroughly pissed again would, by some miracle, undo the mess that his drunken lack of inhibitions had gotten him into.

With his luck, it would only make it worse.

When Michel had moved away, promising to return once they had perused the menu, Remus risked peeking at Severus again, searching his face for some indication of what Severus was thinking. As usual, however, Severus was unreadable, and Remus sighed, closing the menu and laying it on the table.

"I'll just have soup," he said quietly, wondering if the butterflies in his stomach would allow him even that. He cleared his throat, deciding to risk voicing what was foremost in his thoughts. "Severus... do you still intend to go through with this? Is there anything which could change your mind?" 

Severus glanced up from the menu, his expression registering surprise, as if he hadn't expected that question, but then he tipped his chin up, his features set with determination. "No, there is nothing that will change my mind," he said, his tone implacable.

Biting his lip, Remus looked down at the white linen covering the table, resisting the urge to groan in frustration. He hadn't expected it to be that easy, really, but he felt his hopes for an easy, painless resolution to the situation fading away to nothing. 

That didn't, mean, however, that he didn't have something else in mind. It was stupid and desperate, perhaps, but he had to do it. He was too much of a Gryffindor not to try. 

Raising his eyes to Severus', he tilted his head to one side. "Nothing at all?" he asked softly. "How about money? Name your price, Severus. Whatever it is, I'll find a way to pay it. Even if I have to sell those bits of myself you said you were interested in having. It might take some time, but I'll find a way." 

_Even if I have to ask Harry for a loan to cover it. My future is mortgaged either way, but at least money can eventually be paid back. Whatever price Severus is looking to extract from me is no doubt much more dear than mere gold._

Severus closed his menu and put it aside, and Remus could see the muscles working in Severus' jaw, as if he were clenching his teeth. "I don't want money," Severus said, his voice low and tight. He drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly, and he met Remus' gaze evenly. "I want you to marry me." 

Remus thought he saw Severus swallow hard before he spoke again. "It doesn't have to be awful," Severus said softly, and there was something in his thin face that almost looked like an appeal.

"Doesn't it?" Remus asked. He reached out a hand, fidgeting with the stem of his wineglass. "I don't understand you, Severus. I don't understand _this_." He paused, and then he shrugged, deciding he had nothing to lose. "To be honest, I am waiting for the axe to fall. I never thought that I would ever get married, but I suppose like anyone, I thought if I did, I could have the expectation of at least facing a future I thought could be happy." 

Severus reared back at that, and his features grew pinched and tight again. "I suppose I ought not be surprised at a Gryffindor spouting idealistic drivel, but I should have thought that at your age, you would have learnt some pragmatism. We are both nearly forty years old and still single, and neither of us have ever been considered marital prizes." He lifted his chin again, and it seemed as if his next words were difficult to speak. "We are intellectual equals with compatible interests, and I - respect you. I believe that is a solid enough foundation to build a successful marriage."

"You respect me?" 

Remus blinked, possibly as shocked by that admission as he had been by Severus' demand that Remus marry him. He gaped at Severus for a moment, and then he flushed, embarrassed by how much that simple admission from Severus meant to him. If it were true, if Severus really meant it, perhaps things wouldn't be as awful as Remus feared.

Picking up his glass, Remus took a sip of the wine to give himself a moment to recover. He placed it back on the table carefully, and then he cleared his throat. "You wanted to talk about the ceremony?" he asked, giving up on talking Severus out of the marriage. It was obviously a futile effort, and maybe - just maybe - if Remus cooperated, Severus would abandon his plans for vengeance. 

Severus nodded curtly, his demeanor turning businesslike, which was far more familiar to Remus. "Yes, I thought perhaps an outdoor wedding. I know of a private garden available for wedding. At this time of year, it ought to be in full bloom, and unless you have an extensive guest list, it ought to serve our needs quite well."

"A garden wedding? You're just full of surprises," Remus said, raising a brow. Then he frowned, giving a small shrug. "As far as guests... I don't know. Harry, maybe, but... Well, it's not like people are going to believe we've fallen madly in love with each other, not with our history."

Something occurred to him, and Remus smiled, his eyes glittering with genuine amusement. "Are you so set on this marriage that you're willing to take on Harry, Severus? How about Molly Weasley? And it only just occurred to me, but if there was any loophole in that law, Hermione Granger would be just the person to find it."

Severus drew himself up proudly. "It won't be the first time I've taken on Potter or Molly Weasley, and the day I am outwitted by that know-it-all Granger is the day I will have lost my mind entirely."

He glanced down then and reached out to toy with the edge of the menu. "Perhaps no one will believe that you - that we love one another, but the fact remains that this is likely to be the only wedding either of us have. We may as well not waste the opportunity."

Remus was tempted to retort that he didn't find it necessary to have any wedding at all, but something caused him to bite back the comment. Perhaps it was because he had been rejected so often in his life that he couldn't quite bring himself to do it to someone else, even someone who had hurt him badly in the past.

"Harry is really the only one I feel close to," Remus said with a quiet sigh. "He... well, I doubt he'll be happy about it, but he understands about honor and about doing what is right." _Even when it is difficult and possibly dangerous._ "Other than that, I suppose whatever you want is fine."

"There is nothing you want?" If Remus didn't know better, he might say Severus sounded hesitant. "Nothing that would make the ceremony - special?" Severus left off picking at the edges of the menu and lifted his gaze to meet Remus' again, his expression questioning.

Something about the look on Severus' face had Remus speaking before he thought. "I like the morning time, not long after sunrise," he said, and then he gave a slightly self-conscious shrug, wondering if Severus would mock him for it. "Morning is a time of renewal, the time of salvation, I suppose. I always feel like the dawn brings hope. Even after the moon, I know that the morning must come. Sometimes the only way I can face another night as a beast is knowing that the sun must rise again, and with it, I return."

Severus seemed to be listening intently, as if he were absorbing every word and taking mental notes, although Remus wasn't certain _why_ he was paying such close attention, and it was unsettling. He shifted uncomfortably, hoping Severus wasn't storing what he'd said away for future use against him.

"An early morning ceremony, then," Severus said. He paused, and then he moved his hand; for one wild moment, Remus thought Severus was going to touch him, but Severus only lifted his hand to signal their waiter. "Rather appropriate, considering we will begin a new life."

It almost seemed as though Severus were serious about that comment, but it only made Remus feel more unsettled rather than reassured. After all, if Severus were going to begin a new life, Remus couldn't imagine why Severus would have picked him to start it with. 

Michel approached the table, and Remus ordered the onion soup, declining any entree, which caused Michel to look at him in horror. Remus shrugged, looking down at his hands folded in his lap, waiting patiently while Severus ordered his own meal. He could read the implication in the man's eyes that he was too scrawny and could use a decent meal, but Remus didn't care. Remus was well aware that he was no prize specimen, and even though he was being forced into a marriage he had not anticipated and dreaded, he would keep as much of his own identity throughout the process as he could.

When they were alone once more, Remus returned his gaze to Severus, his expression somber. "After... do you intend that we actually live together? My place isn't much, but it's convenient to the Ministry, and I have made it a home for myself." He didn't hold out much hope that Severus would agree to separate residences, given his insistence in everything else about this marriage, but it was worth a try.

"Married couples generally do live together," Severus replied, raising one eyebrow. "I've no objection to moving, however. My house is just a place to live, and..." He gave a little shrug. "I realize this will be enough of an adjustment for you without displacing you from your home as well." 

He fell silent for a moment, watching Remus, and then he drew himself up again. "Contrary to what you might think, I am not setting out to make this as miserable an experience as possible for you," he said with some of his old, familiar hauteur.

It was no more than what Remus had expected, although he still wasn't entirely certain about Severus' altruism. He give a deep, silent sigh, resigning himself to the inevitable. He had tried and failed to find a way out of this marriage, and now he had better get used to the idea of Severus being in his life. Unless Severus did something unlikely and changed his mind, they would soon be wed. All Remus could do now was try to get through it as best as he could and hope Severus meant it when he claimed not to want to make Remus miserable.

"All right," he replied, giving a businesslike nod. "It appears we are getting married, then. I suppose all that is left to do is set a date and get the license - unless they waive the formalities in a case like this."

"I thought perhaps on a Friday, if you can get the time off," Severus said casually. "Saturday morning would do as well, since the ceremony will be early. Two weeks ought to suffice to make all the arrangements since we are keeping things simple." He pulled out a small notebook from his pocket and consulted it. "I also need your measurements for robes, and it would help to know if you have a preferred color scheme or favorite flower. If not, I'll decide on something myself." Closing the book, he tucked it away and gave Remus a sardonic look. "I assume you aren't interested in having a reception."

"Two weeks from Saturday, then," Remus replied slowly, feeling the reality of it winding itself even further into his soul. He gave himself a mental shake, forcing himself to concentrate on the details rather than being caught in a spiral of anxieties and regrets; no doubt there would be plenty of time for those when he was alone. "Madam Malkin has my measurements, since I just had new robes made for work. As far as colors, and flowers..." Remus paused, and then he shrugged, giving a grim smile. "I like blue, and for flowers, anything but aconite."

He hesitated over the question of a reception. Somehow a celebration of a marriage that neither of them would have freely chosen seemed like a farce. But Severus appeared to be taking all of this seriously, and so Remus shrugged, not wanting an argument. "Whatever you would like about the reception, Severus. I'll pay for it, of course." 

Severus appeared surprised at that, but he nodded. "Very well. I will pay for the wedding, and you may pay for the reception. That seems like a fair division of cost."

"All right." Remus couldn't think of anything more to add, and he was relieved when Michel arrived with their food. His stomach was in knots, but he picked up his spoon and slowly sipped at the rich broth. He glanced at Severus periodically, wondering if this was how it was to be for the rest of his life - silent meals, guarded silences, and a constant wondering about what it was that Severus really wanted from him.

Not surprisingly, that thought did nothing for his appetite.

* * *

"Right, Remus - and Voldemort is coming back from the dead to attend the wedding!"

Harry grinned as though it were a wonderful joke, his green eyes sparkling with mirth. The expression slowly faded into puzzlement, then concern, then a dawning horror as Remus sat there passively, hands clasped in his lap, body tense with suppressed emotion.

"Wait... you're not serious! You mean... you are _really_ getting married? To _SNAPE_?" 

Harry's voice rose in pitch, the name of his former professor - and, some said, arch nemesis after Voldemort - coming out almost as a squeak.

"Yes, I am," Remus replied, his voice low. He wasn't precisely calm about the entire situation himself, but then, he had had a little while to achieve a measure of, if not acceptance, then at least resignation to his fate. 

"But... _WHY_?"

This had been the question Remus had been dreading. He had considered not telling Harry about the marriage at all, but he couldn't do that. Harry was one of the few people who actually cared about Remus, and Remus couldn't bear to do something that Harry would find hurtful. Better that Harry thought Remus was crazy, rather than that Remus didn't care about his feelings.

"It's complicated," Remus replied, springing to his feet and starting to prowl restlessly around Harry's flat. It was a surprisingly modest place, considering Harry's fame, but Harry had once told him that all he wanted, now that the war was over, was to live like a normal person, not a "hero". Remus wondered how many people, given the same choice, would have shown that much maturity.

Sadly, that maturity seemed to be missing now. "Complicated?" Harry echoed the word disbelievingly. "He's hexed you, or blackmailed you, or _something_ , hasn't he, the evil git? I know he was exonerated, but he _did_ kill Albus - no matter what the excuse he should have found a way around it! And now you..."

Harry stopped suddenly, his face turning pale. "It's me, isn't it? He's doing this to you because of me. He can't get at me, not directly, so he's going to try to hurt the people I care about."

"Harry, this is most definitely not about you," Remus responded. He crossed to Harry, leaning down to grasp Harry's shoulders, looking deep into those green eyes which were so like Lily's. "Listen to me, all right? This is between Severus and myself. It has nothing to do with you, or with how Severus may or may not feel about you."

"I don't know..." Harry began, his gaze uncertain. "He hates me so much."

"Not more than he hates me."

The moment the words were out, Remus could have bitten his tongue. Harry's eyes went wide, and Remus straightened, releasing his shoulders.

"Hates you?" Harry said, rising to his feet as well. "Then why in the bloody hell are you getting married?"

Remus had hoped to get out of this without more than a cursory explanation, but apparently that was now off the table. Sighing, Remus ran his hand through his hair. "I have to, Harry - I wronged him, and this is the way he has chosen for me to make amends."

"That's ridiculous!" Harry exclaimed. "How could you have wronged _him_? And even if you did, it's no more than he deserved, after costing you your job, and the way he has treated you for years! I'll just go have a talk with the damned git - he'll know better than to fight with me over this!"

"No!" 

Remus was surprised by his own outburst, and he immediately laid a hand on Harry's shoulder to take the sting out of the word. "Harry, I know you mean well, but I can't let you do that, even if I thought it would work... which I don't. Severus has his mind made up, and that's all there is to it. And in this case, he's right."

"Right?" Harry spat, shaking his head in denial. "No, I can't believe that, Remus! What could you have possibly done that could have been so awful? And why would he choose marriage to you, when he hates you?"

 _I wish I knew_. 

Remus caught himself before blurting out the words, focussing instead on Harry's first question. "As to what I did... I slept with him when he was drunk. We both were, actually, but in this case, I was apparently the, er, aggressor. And he was a virgin. So I have to marry him."

Harry was gaping rather like a fish. "You - slept with him?" He blinked several times, and then he shuddered in revulsion. "God, Remus. I knew you were gay - I always was a little taken aback by you being with Tonks, to be honest - but _Snape_? If you were that desperate, you could have come to me!"

It was Remus' turn to gape, and then he he shook his head. Harry couldn't have meant _that_. "Yes, I slept with him. Honestly, I thought I had picked up this rather nice man from the Ministry, but I was so far in my cups I must have been mistaken. I woke up next to Severus, and... well, he has insisted that I marry him to make up for it."

"That's just wrong," Harry said, his lips twisting into a frown. "Can't you just say no?"

"I tried, but there is an obscure law which gives him the right. I went to a solicitor. Unfortunately, by Wizarding law, it's marriage or Azkaban."

They stared at each other for several moments, Remus somberly, Harry with obvious frustration. 

"I can't believe this - it's crazy!" Harry said finally, throwing his hands up in the air. "It would be better to leave England than this. I doubt the French would turn you over, if Snape had the brass bollocks to try to pursue it."

But Remus shook his head, sighing. "No, I can't do that, Harry. My work at the Ministry is too important. We've fought too long and hard to have werewolves finally recognized as people with rights. But with those rights come responsibilities. How would it look if I fled the authority that I've been trying so hard to be recognized by? I'd do more damage than you can believe to the very people I'm trying to help."

"God." That single word rather summed everything up, and Remus was just glad that Harry did recognize the importance of his work and didn't try to argue him out of it. Then Harry's expression turned cunning, and Remus wondered suddenly if he would have preferred Harry fighting with him over the issue.

"I think I know what to do," Harry said, giving Remus a smile that was so like James at his most wicked that Remus' breath caught. "You can't marry Snape if you're already married, right? So... you can marry me."

Remus sucked in a breath, feeling as though he had taken a bludger to the gut, and he stared at Harry in total disbelief, mouth working even though no sound would form - if he even knew what to say to that. Harry merely gazed back with a cherubic expression, looking so pleased with himself that Remus would have laughed had the situation not been so serious. 

Drawing in a deep breath, Remus finally found his voice - although his tone was strangled even to his own ears. "Harry, that is a generous offer, but... no. I can't possibly ask you to do something like that."

"But why?" Harry asked, seeming unfazed by Remus' refusal. "It'll work, you know it will. Oh, Snape's arse will be chapped, certainly, but he couldn't touch you, and he would know it. You'd be square with the Ministry and safe from Snape. I don't see any drawbacks."

Harry spoke with the passion, earnestness, and total thoughtlessness of youth. "You're forgetting one thing, Harry - you're not gay, and even though I love you, it's _not_ like a husband or a lover."

By the way that Harry's expression went from pleased to uncertain, Remus could tell that the younger man _hadn't_ thought about it. "I'm not gay, but I am, er, bi..." Harry responded, flushing slighting and dropping his eyes.

"Oh?" Remus looked at Harry in surprise. "You've slept with a man, then?"

"Er... not exactly," Harry replied, his blush deepening. "I've, er, thought about it, though. A lot." He drew in a deep breath, looking at Remus bravely. "Enough that I know we could make a go of it. It could work, Remus. You'd be safe."

Remus smiled. He was touched by Harry's offer, but he knew it wouldn't work. "Harry. Thank you very much. I am honored, truly. But I can't let you do this. It wouldn't be right or fair, not to either of us. I love you very much, but not like that. And you - you need to be free to live your own life, to find your own way and your own loves."

"But it's not fair to you, either!" Harry looked at Remus earnestly. "I think it would work, Remus..."

"No." Remus softened the word by squeezing Harry's shoulder and smiling at him fondly. "You're a wonderful friend, Harry, and I do appreciate the offer. I can't imagine anyone else who would do that much for me. But please, let it go. This is my mess, and I'll deal with it. All I ask is for your support and understanding."

Harry's lips assumed a faint pout, but he must have read Remus' immobility on the issue, because he subsided with a sigh. "All right. I support you, Remus, and I even understand - although I certainly wouldn't think less of you if you decided to run for your life, rather than tie yourself to that greasy git for the rest of your life. He must be up to something, you know. I can't believe that he merely wants to marry you because you took his virginity." Harry shuddered in revulsion. 

Remus shrugged, summoning up a small chuckle from a deep well of self-deprecating humor he didn't know he had. "Yes, well... maybe it will all work out for the best. I honestly never thought I'd get married, and Severus... well, he claims that he's tired of being alone, and he has no other prospects."

"That's for damned sure," Harry ground out, and then he sighed. "You be on your guard. And you can bet I'm going to keep an eye on the manipulative bastard. If he does anything to hurt you, I'm going to destroy him. After Voldemort, what's one more arrogant Slytherin bastard?"

It was nice to have Harry on his side, and Remus smiled more naturally. "Thanks, Harry. I'm sure Severus has given that due consideration. So... will you come to the wedding, then?"

"Oh, yes," Harry replied, his expression becoming grim. "If I can't stop it beforehand, you better believe I'll be there."

Seeing the look in Harry's eyes - the same one he had worn when defeating the Dark Lord - Remus shuddered. He knew that _he_ wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of that look, but if it ever did come to Severus Snape and Harry Potter going at it head to head, Remus just hoped he wasn't caught in the middle. In fact, he'd prefer to not even be in the same country, because no doubt the fallout from _that_ battle would make the defeat of Voldemort seem tame in comparison.

* * *

The only thing that surprised Severus about McGonagall and Potter showing up on his doorstep was that they hadn't done it sooner. 

He supposed Remus hadn't told anyone about the impending nuptials until it became apparent they were unavoidable, but after their dinner together, Remus must have realized Severus wasn't going to relent. Severus was prepared for a Gryffindor onslaught; indeed, he had expected Molly Weasley rather than Minerva McGonagall to be leading the charge. If memory served, Molly had pushed Remus and Tonks together, but perhaps she had only been looking out for what Tonks wanted rather than what Remus wanted, or perhaps she had been more sympathetic to Tonks after their breakup because Tonks had taken up with her prodigal son and brought him back into the fold. 

Severus didn't know the details regarding the end of Remus' relationship with Tonks; at Hogwarts, he had been privy to the grapevine and had kept abreast of any news of Remus, but he was without access to news and gossip these days. Perhaps he would find out what happened eventually, but right now, he didn't care. What mattered now was that Remus was going to marry him, and an entire army of indignant Gryffindors would not sway him from his course. 

"I will spare us all the unnecessary small talk and obligatory query as to why you are here," Severus said, folding his arms as he stood in the doorway and making it clear he had no intention of inviting them into his home. "If you intend to bully me out of marrying Lupin, you will not succeed." 

Potter bristled, his hands clenching at his sides, but McGonagall was the one who stepped forward and spoke first, her voice stern and cold. "What do you want, Snape? Money? A job? I don't have as much influence as Albus did, but perhaps I can pull a few strings and get you reinstated at Hogwarts." 

"You think I want to go back to teaching lazy adolescents who care about nothing but Quidditch and snogging?" Severus sneered and shook his head. "No, thank you. Six years of teaching Potter and his idiotic friends were enough to put me off the profession forever." 

Severus gloated at the way Potter's face turned white and then red, and if McGonagall hadn't clamped a hand on his shoulder, the boy might have gone for his wand. 

"I've no need of money or a job anyway," Severus added, and Potter could remain silent no longer. 

"You're going to take Remus' money, is that it? You heard he's got a job now, so you're going to force him to marry you so you can take advantage of him!" 

"I don't need Lupin's money," Severus replied, fixing Potter with a look of distaste. "Albus left me a tidy sum in his will." 

Both McGonagall and Potter seemed taken aback by that revelation, and Severus smirked. 

"Oh, you didn't know that?" he purred silkily. "Why, yes. In addition to leaving more than enough evidence to prove I wasn't a traitor to him or the Order, he also left me enough money to ensure that I would be able to live comfortably if I survived the war." 

Privately, Severus was grateful, although he thought it was no less than he deserved considering what Albus had asked of him. He had sacrificed much that he could never get back, but at least Albus had tried to give him something in return. Money wouldn't restore his tarnished name and reputation or remove the distrust and antipathy with which he was universally regarded, and it wouldn't remove the blood from his hands, but it allowed him to be independent, and that meant a great deal to Severus after spending most of his life in shackles. 

"Naturally, I grew bored with a life of leisure, and I started up my own small business as well, selling potions by owl order," he continued. "It may never make me rich, but I've no need to marry for money." 

"Then what can we do to convince you to change your mind?" McGonagall asked, her stern expression shifting into something softer, more imploring as she stretched out one hand. "Please, Snape - Severus - there must be something. If you want to punish someone, choose me. Remus has had a difficult enough time of it. He doesn't deserve this." 

"This isn't about punishment!" Severus snapped. 

Typical Gryffindors. They circled around their own with fierce protectiveness, and if a Slytherin got too close, they turned into a ravenous mob. But this was one time he had the upper hand, and he intended to keep it. 

"Then what is it about?" McGonagall rounded on him, pushing the issue, but it was no less than he expected. "What do you want?"

"I want to marry Lupin." 

"But _why_? You don't even like him-" 

"My reasons are none of your concern!" Severus drew himself up proudly, infusing as much icy hauteur into his voice as he could muster. "This matter is between me and Lupin, and your interference will not sway me." 

"You bastard." Potter's eyes flashed with unmitigated loathing as he stepped forward, fists clenched. "This isn't about Remus. This is about punishing my father and Sirius. They're dead, so you're making Remus suffer instead!" He gnashed his teeth, shaking with the force of his outrage. "The thought of you touching him makes me sick. You don't deserve him!" 

"Perhaps not," Severus replied with cold disdain. "But I will have him as my spouse, and there is nothing anyone can do or say to change that fact. Good day." 

With that, he stepped back and slammed the door in their astonished faces, and then he turned and slumped against it, sagging wearily now that he was alone and there was no one else to see. 

Doubtless the rest of Remus' friends were of the same opinion as Potter and McGonagall, all of them horrified that Remus had to sacrifice himself to the foul, loathsome Slytherin murderer. Severus didn't care what they thought of him, and he could snap his fingers under their noses without a qualm, but Remus had always seemed to care about what others thought, especially his friends, and their contempt might prove to be yet another obstacle in Severus' path to winning Remus' affections. 

Pushing himself away from the door, he headed to the kitchen to make himself a cup of tea. If he were honest, he had to admit that seeing McGonagall regard him with such dislike was difficult. Once upon a time, they had been friendly with one another; their Houses were rivals, and they had gloated at each other every time the House Cup traded hands, but he had respected her, even liked her, starchy old harridan that she was, and he had thought perhaps she had held him in some positive regard, too. 

So many losses, big and small. But if the day ever came that Remus Lupin loved him, he would consider it all worthwhile.

* * *

On the day Remus Lupin was to be married, the pale morning light promised clear skies and a warm, bright day to follow. The garden where the ceremony was to take place was in full bloom, and the flowers were dew-kissed, already rising up to greet the sun as it stretched out its tendrils of warmth and light along the horizon. Of course, Remus thought it would be far more appropriate for the day to be dark and gloomy, black clouds hanging over them, and their vows punctuated by the rumble of thunder. 

There was an ivy-covered arch under which an official from the Ministry stood, blinking sleepily, and the guests had already arrived and seated themselves, although there wasn't a large turnout for either of them. Harry and Minerva had come for Remus, and Narcissa and Draco Malfoy had come for Severus. Thankfully, the chairs had been set up in two distinct sections - one for Remus' side and one for Severus' side - and the lines had been clearly drawn. Minerva and Narcissa were ignoring each other, while Harry and Draco were shooting each other looks of covert hostility.

Severus had sent Remus' robes the night before: deep sapphire blue embellished with gold thread and made with a stylish cut. Remus had to admit, albeit grudgingly, that he liked Severus' choice, although he was surprised; he hadn't expected Severus to display such fashion consciousness, but he supposed Madam Malkin was more responsible for that than Severus was. 

A string quartet was playing from behind a hedge, obscured from sight by the greenery, but playing loudly enough that their music - Vivaldi, if Remus' guess was correct - added to the peaceful atmosphere in an unobtrusive way. A white runner carpet led up to the arch, and the small area was enhanced by candelabras burning white candles that seemed to be scentless, which was just as well since the flowers didn't need any competition anyway. 

All in all, Remus had to admit it was a lovely setting, and Severus had obviously put a great deal of thought and effort into the planning of the ceremony. Under different circumstances, he might have appreciated it, but as it was, he was exerting all his willpower not to turn and flee. 

The Ministry official caught sight of Remus and straightened, giving him a nod and beckoning him forward. For a moment Remus was seriously tempted to follow his instincts and run, but the guests had seen the official's gesture and turned around in their seats. 

Narcissa Malfoy looked smugly pleased, while Draco and Harry both had matching expressions of incredulity on their faces; obviously neither of them had expected him to show up, and in other circumstances Remus would have been amused by how similar they looked in that moment. Minerva's glance was sympathetic, and it was on her that Remus focused for a long moment. Minerva had taught him about being a Gryffindor, about not just being brave but being honorable, being true yourself and your principles even when it was difficult, and even if you didn't always succeed. Remus had wronged Severus, and this was the payment Severus demanded. It was up to Remus and his own honor to demand it from himself.

Drawing in a deep breath, Remus stiffened his spine and his resolve, and then he moved forward one slow step onto the white runner. Another step followed, and another, and he lifted his chin, looking at the official who would bind him to Severus for the rest of his life. His face held determination, and even if he was not quite as serene on the inside as he appeared to the others, it would be enough. He could do this.

Instinctively matching his steps to the rhythm of the music, Remus made his way past the watchers, stopping when he reached the official. The balding man, whom Remus vaguely recognized, probably having seen him somewhere in the Ministry, nodded once again, and Remus stepped to the right, and then he turned around to face the end of the runner, forcing himself not to clench his fingers into his sweating palms as he waited for Severus to appear.

He didn't have to wait long; in a matter of moments, Severus appeared, wearing robes in the same style as Remus', but his were dark green accented with silver. Thank God, because Remus thought he might have had a nervous breakdown if Severus had shown up wearing virginal white.

Severus' expression was somber as he proceeded down the aisle, but the habitual lines of anger were gone from his face, and he didn't look at the official or the guests; instead, his gaze was riveted on Remus. He looked straight at Remus the entire way, his dark eyes alert and watchful, but not glittering with hatred or malice. Instead, he seemed almost pensive, and Remus wondered what was going on inside Severus' head and if perhaps there was some hope that Severus might call off the wedding at the last minute.

Once they were both standing beneath the arch, the official cleared his throat and offered them a tentative smile. "The certificate?" he asked, and Severus nodded and produced the required paperwork from his pocket. The official peered at it and, apparently satisfied, tucked it away for the time being. "If you will join hands?"

Severus held out his hands immediately, but Remus froze, unable to do anything but stare down at Severus' outstretched hands. This was it. Severus wasn't going to back out. They were about to be married.

In the midst of his mental turmoil, he found himself fixated on Severus' hands. The stains on Severus' fingertips had somehow been removed, and his nails were clean and neatly trimmed. Funny that he'd never noticed how long Severus' fingers were until now, when they were reaching out to him. Severus' hands weren't shaking - which was more than Remus could say for his own - and they were warm and solid when Remus slid his fingers into Severus' palms, and Severus' grasp was firm.

Time seemed to freeze for Remus between one breath and the next, as he wondered once again what he had gotten himself into. He looked from their joined hands up into Severus' face, staring at him as though he had never seen Severus before.

He had known Severus for almost thirty years, and yet in many ways, he hardly knew him at all. Petty childhood rivalry between Houses and friends had grown far too serious as they had gotten older, especially between Severus and Sirius. Remus was willing to admit that he shared blame for the things which had gone on, even if his fault was largely one of inaction. Even the incident in the Shrieking Shack - when things had gone too far, and Remus hadn't spoken to Sirius for weeks afterward - hadn't given Remus the ability to stand up to his friends and alienate them... not for Severus' benefit. It was a choice that had haunted his conscience, but not one that had driven him to action. He had stayed friends with Sirius, and Sirius had gone back to his normal ways, despising Severus while Remus kept his mouth shut, giving tacit if unwilling approval to Sirius' actions. 

Unlike Sirius, however, he had never _hated_ Severus, not even when Severus had taken revenge and told the Slytherins about Remus' lycanthropy. He had been angry, but always there had been the thought that Severus had made the Wolfsbane potion, which for the very first time in his life gave Remus peace during his transformations. He knew Severus hadn't made it out of any affection for him, rather had done so on Dumbledore's orders, and yet he _had_ done it, and done it well. Severus hadn't used Remus' vulnerability to slip in a poison or to play a juvenile prank on him; instead he had been professional about the entire business. Remus was grateful for that, and during that year, he had thought from time to time that perhaps he and Severus - two of the last survivors of their generation - might become friends.

Of course that hadn't worked out, and then there was the war and Severus' spying and his killing of Dumbledore that followed. Severus had been vindicated in the end, and Remus had felt something like relief knowing that Severus hadn't been a traitor after all, but it still brought into focus the fact that Remus knew very little about the man whose chastity he had taken in a drunken, barely remembered night of lust, the man to whom he was about to be tied for the rest of his life not by choice, but by the chains of duty and honor. 

On some level, Remus _wanted_ to want this, wanted to feel as though perhaps subconsciously he had sought Severus out to try to mend things between them. But all he felt was a stir from the wolf within, who raised its head in carnal interest at the memories of heated flesh and the searing pleasure of taking and possessing. Remus suppressed _that_ as quickly as possible, his hands tightening for a moment on Severus'. He had always known that Severus loathed and feared the wolf even more than Remus did himself, and Remus didn't want to give Severus any more reason to hate him, to seek vengeance upon him further for seeing the wolf rising with lust in Remus' eyes.

No, he didn't know Severus, not really, not even though he could barely remember a time in his life without Severus in it.

Then the official spoke again, beginning the ceremony, and Remus swallowed hard, his stomach tying itself in knots. "This place in which you are now met has been duly sanctioned according to law for the celebration of marriages," the official said solemnly. "Before you are joined in matrimony I must remind you of the solemn and binding character of the vows you are about to make. A marriage according to the law of this country is the union of one person with another voluntarily entered into for life for the exclusion of all others."

Turning to Severus, the official addressed him. "Repeat after me: I, Severus Snape, take you, Remus John Lupin, to be my lawfully wedded spouse."

Severus lifted his chin, and when he spoke, his voice was strong and steady. "I, Severus Snape, take you, Remus John Lupin, to be my lawfully wedded spouse." He paused, and then he added, "I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in joy as well as in sorrow. My commitment to you will endure until the end of my days." 

The words Severus added to the official vows caused Remus' eyes to widen in shock, adding to the strange feeling of surreality of the whole experience. He sensed rather than saw the official's surprise, and he had to resist the urge to blurt out a comment to the effect that this must obviously be an impostor - that there was no way that the real Severus Snape could possibly be uttering words about faithfulness, joy, and commitment. The idea that Severus might be under an Imperius occurred to him once again, but there was something in Severus' eyes, something that seemed to indicate that Severus actually _meant_ the impossible words which he uttered in that dark, silken voice.

"Very well," the official said, recovering with a smile from the unexpected addition. He turned to Remus, and nodded. "Repeat after me: I, Remus John Lupin, take you, Severus Snape, to be my lawfully wedded spouse."

Several impulses warred within Remus, and he had to resist the urge to look over his shoulder toward Minerva and Harry to see if they were finding all of this as unreal as he did. But Severus' eyes were on him, seeming to bore into him with a strange intensity, and Remus unwillingly lifted his gaze, feeling himself caught in the unfathomable depths of Severus' eyes. He wasn't quite certain why he didn't pull away and run, and why, instead, he found himself answering in a low, husky voice that barely sounded like his own.

"I, Remus John Lupin, take you, Severus Snape, to be my lawfully wedded spouse."

No embellishments, but then Remus was beyond thought. He looked at Severus somberly, wondering if Severus would be angry, or if the fact that Remus had repeated the words instead of fleeing would be enough to save him from the legendary Snapean temper.

But Severus didn't seem angry by Remus' omission, nor did he seem particularly surprised. The intensity of his gaze didn't waver as he watched Remus, his eyes never leaving Remus' for a moment, and Remus thought he saw what looked like a flicker of relief as Remus spoke his vow, but he brushed that thought aside, convinced he imagined it.

"Er." The official cleared his throat again and glanced uncertainly back and forth between them. "Do you have rings?"

"Yes." Severus tugged his hands free from Remus' and delved into his pocket to pull out a small velvet jewelry box, which he opened, revealing two plain gold bands, and then handed to the official. Removing one from the box, he reached for Remus' hand again and slid the ring on Remus' finger, and Remus felt a tingle of magical energy as the ring adjusted its size to fit him. "With this ring, I thee wed," Severus murmured, rubbing his thumb back and forth across the smooth, cool ring.

The simple ring felt heavy and solid on his finger, and Remus swallowed at the finality of the symbol. Or the near-finality, he realized, as the official pressed the other ring into the palm of his right hand and gestured toward Severus.

Reaching out slowly, almost reluctantly, Remus took Severus' left hand in his. Severus' fingers were long, slender, elegant, and Remus felt suddenly clumsy and fumble-fingered as his hands trembled, and he almost dropped the golden band before sliding it into place.

There was expectation in Severus eyes, and Remus drew a breath. "With this ring, I thee wed." 

The official nodded in satisfaction. "By the power vested in me by the Ministry of magic, I now pronounce you legally wed. You may kiss your spouse."

That was it, then... they were officially married. Remus couldn't look away from Severus, wondering wildly if Severus would suddenly smirk in triumph, or perhaps stomp off in victory. He didn't know what to expect, really, and he waited, heart in his throat, for whatever unexpected thing Severus would do next. 

Instead of gloating over his victory, however, Severus stunned Remus anew by bending to kiss him; it was a brief, unthreatening kiss, barely lasting long enough for Remus to register that Severus' thin lips were warm and dry.

Then it was suddenly over, and Severus took Remus' arm, leading him back down the aisle. Remus was vaguely aware of the gazes of his friends, of Draco's smirk, and of the sight of Narcissa Malfoy raising a spotless, lace-trimmed handkerchief to dab delicately at the corners of her eyes. But it was all distant, almost as though he were watching it from a far place, watching it happen to someone else. The only reality was the feeling of Severus' hand on his arm, the only thing anchoring him and telling him it wasn't all some bizarre, deranged dream.

Once they were out of sight of the guests, Severus stopped and turned to face him. "I've made arrangements for the reception. Nothing elaborate, just some champagne and a cake." His expression turned lofty as he added, "I give my word I won't shove cake in your face."

"A relief to know," Remus murmured. He shook his head, but it wasn't a denial, rather an attempt to alleviate his sudden feeling of lightheadedness. With a start he realized that he hadn't eaten in more than a day; no doubt that was adding to the odd way he had been feeling. Or perhaps he was in shock; either way, there was nothing for it but to keep on with this... whatever it was. At the moment, Remus felt rather like a character in a play, one who hadn't studied his lines and didn't know his cues. But it seemed he had no choice.

"Shall we, then?" he asked, holding out his arm to Severus. "We can't have stale cake, you know. It would ruin the whole day."

Severus' eyebrows climbed at that, surprise blooming in his dark eyes, and Remus felt a small surge of satisfaction at not being the only one off-balance for a change. 

"Yes, let's." Severus rested his hand in the crook of Remus' elbow, making Remus acutely aware of his proximity and warmth, and together, they headed off to their wedding reception.


	3. Chapter 3

The reception was an awkward event, and Severus didn't mind cutting it short. Narcissa and McGonagall had spent most of the time circling each other warily, and Severus could practically see their respective tails lashing a warning. Draco had distanced himself from the group, affecting bored insouciance with the entire thing, and Potter had done nothing but glare daggers at Severus the whole time. If looks could kill, Severus would have been a sticky patch on the floor, but whether it was out of deference to Remus, McGonagall or both, Potter hadn't caused a scene.

Narcissa had given a toast to the newlyweds, which had been met with indifference at best and outright hostility at worst. After that, they had sliced the cake, which mostly went untouched, and brought the uncomfortable gathering to an end.

Perhaps it might have been different if the wedding couple themselves hadn't been so stiff and awkward, but Severus had taken as much of a risk as he dared by adding his own vows to the ceremony, vows that he meant whether Remus realized it or not. He wished things had been different - that their wedding had been a joyous celebration instead of having all the happiness and enthusiasm of a funeral. But he had tried to make it a memorable occasion, and perhaps one day, that would mean something to Remus.

A plain carriage awaited them in the street; Narcissa had wanted to decorate it, but Severus had refused to allow so much as a "just married" banner on the back. Before Severus could approach it, however, Draco clasped his arm and drew him aside.

"Are you sure you know what you're doing?" Draco asked in a low, urgent voice. "Mother told me the story - the _real_ story. You know Potter and his cronies are going to make things miserable for you. They'll try to get Lupin free of you by any means possible. You know that, don't you?"

"They can try," Severus growled, casting a dire look at the back of Potter's head. "Don't worry, Draco. I've been battling Gryffindors since before you were born. Even if they try to interfere, it doesn't matter. Remus is my spouse now, and there is nothing they can do about it."

"Nothing except poison Lupin's mind," Draco said grimly, and Severus gave a harsh bark of laughter.

"As if that would be anything new. No, you needn't worry." He rested his hand on Draco's shoulder and squeezed it. "I know what I'm doing."

Draco nodded, his expression still troubled, but he seemed to accept Severus' confidence reassurances. He offered his hand, and Severus shook it firmly, and then Draco stood aside, and Severus went to offer quick thanks to Narcissa.

"I hope everything goes well for you," she murmured as she clasped his hand and pressed her cheek against his.

"So do I," he said with a mirthless smile, and then he stepped back and glanced at Remus, who was talking to his friends. "Shall we go?" he asked, resisting the urge to hold out his hand to Remus.

Remus nodded with what seemed like reluctance and slowly followed Severus to the carriage; there were no cheers or well wishes, only silence from their guests as they climbed in, and Severus kept his gaze trained resolutely ahead, not wanting to see the lack of support and enthusiasm. Their married life wasn't getting off to an auspicious start, but perhaps things would become easier once they were alone.

With a sigh, he settled back against the plush seat, and once they were underway, he turned his head to look out the window at the scenery rushing by. He hadn't mentioned anything about the honeymoon to Remus, wanting it to be a - hopefully pleasant - surprise, but he knew he wouldn't be able to keep it a secret once the driver headed for the coast rather than London, and he braced himself for the inevitable questions and hoped Remus wouldn't object too strenuously to the idea.

There was a small sigh, and Severus looked over at the other seat. Remus was gazing out the window at the early morning sun, his face pensive, the bright light showing lines of strain around his mouth and eyes, gleaming on the silver streaks of hair where it was brushed back from his temples. Seeming to become aware of Severus' gaze, Remus turned his head, and their eyes met - Remus' were wary.

"Where are we going?" he asked quietly, inclining his head toward the window. "Your house, I suppose?"

"No," Severus replied, keeping his voice even and neutral to cover his apprehension over Remus' reaction to the idea of a honeymoon. "I thought we might spend the weekend in Paris. The arrangements have been made, and it's all paid for."

It was, in fact, Narcissa's wedding gift, although Severus wasn't planning on divulging that bit of information. She had made reservations for them, although he prayed she hadn't decided to amuse herself and book them the honeymoon suite.

Remus' eyes widened, and for several long moments, he simply stared at Severus, seeming dumbfounded by the announcement. Then he seemed to recover himself, and the wary expression came back, doubled, as though Remus thought Severus planned to murder him and dump the body in a foreign country. 

"But... why?" Remus asked slowly. "Do you have something you need to do there?"

Severus shifted awkwardly, glancing sidelong at Remus. "No. A wedding is generally followed by a honeymoon. We both have work to attend to next week, but we have the weekend free. It seems sensible to start off our married life in the proper way."

"Proper way?" Remus appeared nonplussed by the comment, and then he fell silent, dropping his gaze to where his hands were clenched in his lap. After a long moment, he seemed to gather himself, and then he drew a deep breath and looked up to meet Severus' eyes once again.

"You seem sincere, Severus. I want to believe that you aren't trying to trick me or something, but... I have to admit this is all very surreal to me." Remus paused for a moment, then sighed and shrugged. "I don't wish to make you angry with me, but I just don't know how to act around you. I don't know what it is that you _want_ from me. If it's not vengeance you're after, I just can't think of what it is. I've not felt so lost in many years."

The last words were spoken softly, and Severus wasn't certain that Remus was even aware of having spoken them out loud.

Severus clasped his hands together tightly in his lap as he watched Remus and tried to figure out what to say. He couldn't tell Remus the truth; it was too soon, and Remus wouldn't believe him. The best he could do was try to maintain a plausible cover until the time was right - if it ever was.

"This isn't revenge or a trick," he said at last. "We are married, yet we know little about one another on a personal level. I thought it might make adjusting to married life easier if we had some time away together to get to know one another." He paused, groping for a neutral topic. "For example, you could tell me what you do at the Ministry."

Remus bit his lip, mulling over Severus' words for nearly a minute. Amber eyes searched Severus' face, but then, finally, Remus nodded and relaxed back into the cushioned seat.

"All right, if you're willing to try, then so am I," he said quietly, offering a faint trace of a smile. "My work at the Ministry is with the new Bureau of Werewolf Affairs - a new office under the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. They finally took my kind out of either the 'Beast' or 'Being' categories entirely and gave us our own classification. Wise of them, since technically we are both - a Being twenty-nine days of the month, and a Beast on the thirtieth. We're also complicated by the fact that some of the werewolves are Muggle, not wizard. For them, it's even more difficult, because the Ministry has thought even less of them than of the rest of us."

Severus breathed a silent sigh of relief that Remus was willing to talk to him; perhaps there was hope that his honeymoon idea wouldn't be a complete disaster. Besides, he was genuinely interested in Remus' life, and he wanted to learn everything he could.

"That was indeed wise of them. It was a long overdue change," he replied. "What exactly is your job? Have they begun distributing the Wolfsbane Potion, or do you need me to brew it for you?"

Again Remus looked startled, but there was an edge of pleasure to it this time. "I didn't think... but no, they aren't distributing it, not yet. There is a lack of money and a lack of qualified brewers. We are hoping to stockpile the potion, but you know how it gets if it isn't fresh. So we have a few hurdles to overcome before we can give widespread access to it to all werewolves, regardless of their financial state." He voice became wistful. "I want to make that happen, Severus. I think that the potion will be what makes the difference to the public in how lycanthropes are perceived and tolerated. Neither side will have to fear the other, and perhaps we can all finally get along in peace."

An attractive flush had stained Remus' cheeks as he spoke so passionately of his work, and, as if realizing he had been on a bit of a soapbox, Remus blushed a darker red and chuckled uncomfortably. "Sorry about that. I, er... I would appreciate it if you would brew the potion for me. I have it as a job benefit, but if you are willing, then someone else can have the dose they planned for me. If you don't mind, that is; I don't mean to be a burden to you."

"I wouldn't have offered if I hadn't wanted to do it," Severus replied, an edge of tartness creeping into his voice as he fought the urge to reach out and brush the backs of his fingers against Remus' flushed cheek to feel the warmth. He paused, considering the idea that had sprung to mind, and then he added, "I could brew doses for a few other werewolves. The ingredients aren't expensive; the main reason why brewers charge so much is the time and difficulty. I will be brewing it for you anyway, thus it won't be any great effort to brew a larger amount."

A genuine smile curved Remus' mouth - the first one Severus had seen since the night they had slept together. This one was meant for him, not for the man whose face he had borrowed, which made it all the more special. "Severus, that would be wonderful." Remus' voice was warm, and he seemed to thaw even more before Severus' eyes - apparently his work really mattered to him a great deal. "But I want you to have the money for the ingredients, at least; I no more want the Ministry to take advantage of your generosity than they have taken advantage of my kind for so many years. Fair is fair - that's what this is all about."

Severus wanted to bask in the warmth of that smile and of Remus' voice, both pleased and relieved that he had done something right, and he relaxed as well, sinking back against the cushions.

"If you like," he said, giving an insouciant shrug as if it was of little consequence to him - which it wasn't, really. He didn't need the Ministry's money; he would have done it without reimbursement. But the idea of making the Ministry pay him after everything he had been through following the war was tempting enough for him not to argue the point. "I don't need the money, but neither will I refuse it."

He thought of his time in prison and how he had been treated before the evidence clearing him of treason had surfaced, and his features darkened. "They owe me a little fairness."

Remus sobered at that and nodded. "What about you, Severus?" he asked, his voice holding genuine curiosity. "What have you been doing? What are your plans? If we're to be together, we should probably talk about the future."

"Potter didn't tell you?" Severus arched one eyebrow, his tone sardonic. "I don't suppose he would have, since it wasn't something he could use to slander me. Albus left me enough money for me to be comfortable, and I have been selling potions via owl post, thus I work from home. I will be able to contribute to our household expenses as well," he added in case Remus was, like Potter, concerned that Severus had avaricious motives.

"Harry and I didn't have a very, er, coherent discussion," Remus admitted sheepishly. He inclined his head, looking at Severus with interest. "But I'm glad that Albus did something to make it up to you. And potions via owl post? That's an interesting line of work. I'm sure you enjoy being your own boss, being able to set your own hours and choose your clients."

"Yes, I rather like the independence." Severus' mouth quirked upward slightly at the understatement. After decades of servitude, being able to control any part of his own life rather than having to follow someone else's dictates was a relief. "It pays well, and it gives me a challenge." He studied Remus for a moment. "Do you have any plans for the future other than continuing at the Ministry?"

There was silence for a moment, and Remus turned to look out the window, his expression becoming pensive again. "I'd like to return to teaching," he said, his voice wistful. He glanced back at Severus, shrugging as though he were embarrassed. "I know you didn't care for it, but I loved it. Being a professor again... that's my dream. But I'm realistic enough to know that it probably won't happen. If attitudes change, it's going to take years."

"You were a passable teacher," Severus admitted. As angry as he had been over the boggart incident and the fact that Remus had been careless enough to skip taking his potion to go haring off after his friends - he squelched the jealousy that bubbled and boiled within him at the mere thought of Black - Severus had to concede that Remus was a good teacher. He had connected with the students and was knowledgeable on the subject, and it was obvious he had enjoyed the job.

"I - regret what I did." Severus' voice was soft and deep, and he turned his gaze out the window so he wouldn't have to see censure in Remus' eyes. "As it turned out, you couldn't have kept the job anyway due to the curse, but still, I regret my part in it."

If Remus was surprised Severus didn't see the expression, but the tone of Remus' voice in answer was warm. "Thank you, Severus. You're right, I couldn't have kept the job, but I didn't know that at the time. But I appreciate the apology, and I accept it." There was a brief silence, and then Remus spoke again, amusement lacing his tone. "Passable? High praise, that. Any more along those lines and you'll turn my head."

If only that were true, Severus thought, biting his tongue to keep the words from slipping out. Instead, he forced himself to look away from the window and back at Remus again, turning the conversation to less somber topics than their tumultuous history. It was easy enough to get Remus to talk about his work and how things had changed for the werewolves since the end of the war, and from there, the conversation meandered to other things.

Severus was aware that they were playing a "getting to know you" game as if they were two strangers who had been set up on a blind date, but for all their years of being acquainted, there was much they didn't know about one another. He imagined Remus was aware of it, too, but he was simply grateful that the awkwardness had passed somewhat, and the silences, when they fell, were more or less companionable.

The journey to Paris was reasonably smooth; Severus took a potion for his stomach before they crossed the Channel, and he offered a dose to Remus, who declined, saying he didn't think he would need it. Another carriage met them at Calais to take them to the Wizard Quarter in Paris, and when they arrived, they found themselves at the entrance of the most posh hotel Severus had ever seen in the Wizarding world.

Surreptitiously, he pulled out his notebook and checked the itinerary Narcissa had given him to make certain they were in the right place, and he sighed when he realized they were. He had asked Narcissa for reservations somewhere nice, not at the damned Taj Mahal, but apparently, she had ignored his request and done as she pleased. Typical, he thought with an annoyed grimace.

Closing the notebook with a snap, he strode inside as if he stayed in such luxurious accommodations on a regular basis while a young man in a maroon uniform scurried to the carriage to fetch their luggage after opening the door for them with a flick of his wand. The ceiling of the foyer soared so high that Severus wondered if it was an illusion such as the Great Hall of Hogwarts had; he counted three chandeliers in addition to the endless row of gold sconces lining the walls, and the rugs beneath their feet were so plush that his boots sank at least three or four centimeters with each step.

"We're staying here?"

Severus paused at the soft words, glancing over at Remus and noticing that Remus had stuck close to him. There was a pensive expression on his face, and he looked around at the posh accommodations surreptitiously, as though he expected someone to appear and ask him to leave at any moment.

Then their eyes met, and Remus bit his lip, flushing slightly. "I'm sorry. It's very nice, really, but unemployed werewolves don't tend to stay in places like this. It's a bit, er, overwhelming." 

Severus didn't bother considering whether or not to admit Narcissa had made the arrangements; he didn't want to risk casting a pall over their holiday when things were going so well since he doubted Remus would be happy that she had paid for their honeymoon. Instead, he decided to bluff it out, and he paused before they reached the front desk, studying Remus with concern.

"If it's too much, we can go somewhere else," he said. "I thought it might be a pleasant change from what we're accustomed to, but there are other places we can stay." He drew in a deep breath and took a small risk. "This is the beginning of our married life, a brief time away from the rest of the world. I want it to be enjoyable, not intimidating."

Remus bit his lip again, and then he sighed and gave a tiny smile. "Well, when you put it that way, I would be churlish to refuse," he said. There still appeared to be some doubt in his eyes, but he straightened his spine and drew a deep breath. "All right. A new experience, then. I just hope they don't have rules against werewolves, or make derogatory comments about fleas in their sheets.'

"If they do, they will answer for it," Severus said, drawing himself up haughtily. "We are as good as any of their other patrons."

Relieved that Remus had agreed to stay, especially since Severus had never been to Paris and had no idea where _any_ other hotels were located, much less a more affordable one. He strode to the front desk with his head held high. The concierge didn't give him a second glance, merely checked him in and handed over the key to room 412, and Severus began to relax as they headed off to find their room.

As soon as he opened the door and stepped inside, Severus stopped in his tracks, his eyes widening as he took in the sight before him. Their "room" was actually a suite, and Severus walked slowly into the sitting room, peering at the delicate antique furniture. The far wall consisted of nothing but floor to ceiling windows looking out over the Seine, and Severus noticed a balcony with a table and a couple of chairs. Inside, a bottle of champagne was chilling on ice, and there were fresh flowers filling the room with their light perfume; a glance to the left offered a glimpse of the bedroom, but Severus hastily looked away.

"Oh, my," Remus murmured behind him, and Severus turned to find Remus staring around, obviously overwhelmed. He gravitated toward the window, staring out at the City of Lights in something like awe, hands and nose pressed to the glass like a little boy looking into a sweet shop, staring at what he had been told he could see but never touch. 

"It's so beautiful," he said huskily. "I never dreamed. It's so different from London, so..." Remus stopped, obviously at a loss for words, and glanced back at Severus over his shoulder. "Sorry. I just have never had a chance to travel. Much less in this kind of style." He gestured vaguely, indicating the room, and smiled again. "I'd never have marked you for such a hedonist, Severus. It's an interesting side to you."

Severus gave a one-shouldered shrug, shifting uncomfortably at the remark; he wasn't a hedonist, more like an ascetic. His life hadn't been conducive to luxury, and prior to this trip, his idea of hedonism was adding a little whiskey to his tea on cold nights. This room, the champagne - this was Narcissa, not Severus. He was misrepresenting himself, and he hoped Remus didn't start to like a Severus who didn't exist.

Then again, who was to say he didn't have any hedonistic tendencies, he thought as he reached out and lightly fingered the petals of a blood-red rose. He no longer suffered the same constraints, and gaining his freedom had almost been like being reborn. He could break free of the mold he had been forced into all these years and become more like the man he might have been. With any luck, that man would be someone Remus could love.

"I imagine we both have many surprises in store for each other," he said, glancing sidelong at Remus. Moving to stand beside and slightly behind Remus at the window, he paid more attention to Remus than to the view, taking pleasure in Remus' wonderment. "Would you like to go sight-seeing?" he asked quietly. "We have the rest of the day. I'm given to understand the city is particularly scenic at night."

"I'd like that very much," Remus replied immediately, his eyes full of delight. "Notre Dame, and the Louvre... You know, I've always thought that Da Vinci might have been a wizard, and Mona Lisa a witch. She has certainly seemed to cast a spell on people for centuries, hasn't she? I'm anxious to see her."

He paused for a moment, and then he turned and slowly, almost hesitantly, he reached out to touch Severus on the arm. "Thank you, Severus. This was an excellent idea, and I'm very glad to be here."

Severus stared down at his arm, amazed that Remus was touching him, and it seemed as if he could feel the heat of Remus' hand seeping through his clothes, warming him to the core. Remus was glad to be here, even if it was just with him, and he felt a small, cautious bloom of hope that perhaps his plan wouldn't fail miserably after all. 

Clearing his throat, he lifted his gaze to Remus' face again. "I'm very glad to be here, too."

There was a long moment of easy silence, and then Remus grinned. "Shall we go, then? Unpacking can wait for later." He moved his hand down Severus' arm, taking his hand, and tugging Severus toward the door. "Come on, then - let's go explore!"

* * *

They spent the first afternoon of their honeymoon sight-seeing, and that night, they dined at a small, cozy restaurant near their hotel. After dinner, they went back to the Eiffel Tower; Remus wanted to see it at night, and Severus had to admit it was a scenic view, a glittering tower of light against the night sky.

There were other couples strolling along with their arms around each other and their heads close together as they shared conversation and kisses, and Severus watched them with envy, wishing he had the right to embrace Remus that way and that they were enjoying a real honeymoon, soaking up the romantic atmosphere of the city before hurrying back to the hotel to make love.

Instead, they stopped off for a late dessert followed by a glass of wine, and it was after midnight before they got back to their room. An awkward silence fell until Severus broke the tension by suggesting that Remus take the bed. There was a chaise in the sitting room that would serve well enough for one night for Severus; Remus protested and offered to take the chaise himself, but Severus dismissed the offer with an irritated wave.

"The beds are worse in Azkaban," he said tersely, and that brought the conversation to an abrupt end.

Over breakfast the next morning, Severus suggested exploring the Wizarding quarter as well as the rest of the city mostly on foot, wandering the streets at their leisure and visiting whatever interesting sights fell in their path and caught their fancy. They could, he pointed out, find shops that weren't stuffed with tourist trash that way.

By the time they had to pack up and leave, Severus' legs were sore, he was tired, and he had bought far too many books and ingredients that were sold as costly imports at Slug & Jiggers, but Severus considered the honeymoon a success. They hadn't quarreled, and other than a few awkward moments, Remus had seemed to enjoy himself. At the least, Severus thought with amusement, Remus had come away from the weekend with a six month supply of sweets, although Severus had sizable bags of crystallized violet and Confits au Citron himself.

They returned to Remus' flat in London, and there was another uncomfortable moment while they both stood just inside the door, clutching their luggage and staring at each other. While they were away, it was easy to forget the reality of their marriage; they could have been two companions on holiday, not newlyweds, but now, back in the real world, it was impossible to ignore the fact that they would be sharing a home, a life - everything.

Severus wanted that more than anything, but the apprehension he saw in Remus' eyes reminded him that he had a long road ahead of him, and there was no guarantee the outcome would be the one he wanted.

"I'll take the guest bedroom if you have one," he said at last, and Remus' relief was almost palpable.

"Right." Remus nodded and turned to head upstairs, beckoning for Severus to follow. "It's just down from my - from the master bedroom. It's small," he added, his tone apologetic.

"It doesn't matter."

When Severus opened the door and stepped inside the guest bedroom, he found Remus was right: the room was quite small. It was also sparsely furnished, hosting a bed, a wardrobe, and a mirror on the wall, nothing more. The walls and floor were bare, and the blue and green patterned bedspread provided the only bit of color in the room. Severus didn't care about the decor; he was here, and he had the time he needed to win Remus' affections, and that was all that mattered to him.

After a day of walking and travel, neither of them had much energy to bother cooking a meal, and so they went out for dinner; Remus took him to a nearby restaurant that didn't look like much from the outside, but it had the best curried chicken Severus had ever tasted. When they returned to the flat, Remus bade him a quiet good night and escaped to his bedroom, and Severus went to the guest room - his room now - to unpack and get ready for bed.

Even as tired as he was, he couldn't sleep; he curled himself around a pillow, thinking of Remus so close by and yet seeming farther away than ever. It would take time, he thought, for Remus to grow accustomed to sharing the flat with him and even more time for Remus to trust him. He sighed and burrowed under the covers, trying to put aside the memories of the weight of Remus' hand on his arm and the light in Remus' eyes as he gazed out the window of their hotel.

At least things had got off to a good start. As long as he didn't do something colossally stupid and mess everything up down the road, he thought he might very well be able to convince Remus to give him a chance.

He rose early the next morning, partly because he had slept fitfully and been unable to go back to sleep when he woke at dawn, and partly because he had been an early riser of necessity for years, and he still hadn't broken the pattern imposed on him by long years of following the rhythm of Hogwarts. By the time Remus came downstairs, Severus had bathed, dressed, and rummaged around in the kitchen long enough to find what he needed to make tea, toast, bacon and eggs.

He set the table for two and put out some marmalade, and he had just put the food aside to keep warm until Remus came down and poured himself a cup of tea when Remus walked in, sniffing the air.

"It smells wonderful," Remus said, giving Severus an uncertain smile, before sliding into one of the seats and pouring his own cup of tea. "I'm not used to someone cooking for me. Thank you." He hesitated for a moment. "Since you cooked, I'll wash up?" he offered shyly. 

"I was up anyway," Severus said, shrugging as if it was of no consequence, but he felt a surge of triumph at Remus' words. Perhaps if he heeded Narcissa's advice and made himself useful by taking care of Remus, then Remus would learn to care for him. "If you want to wash up, that sounds like a fair division of labor."

He retrieved Remus' plate and served up a generous helping of eggs and bacon, and he brought it back to the table along with the plate of toast. He served himself and then sat down across from Remus, occupying himself with spreading marmalade on a piece of toast.

"I have no objection to doing my share of housekeeping," he added. "I have a more flexible schedule than you do."

Remus seemed to relax, and his smile became less hesitant. "I'm fine with that," he said, his tone teasing. "I have to admit, Severus, this is working out better than I anticipated. Which is a good thing, really; if you had married me for my domestic charms, I'm afraid you would have been sorely disappointed."

He raised a hand, gesturing at the kitchen, which, while clean enough, was not well organized or homey. "I'm still adjusting," he continued, his voice soft. "To having money, I mean. I still find it difficult to spend money, rather than save it. Hence the rather Spartan nature of the place."

"Ingrained habits are difficult to shake," Severus said, thinking about the other piece of advice Narcissa had given him.

Namely, that under no circumstances should he be himself. He had been affronted until she pointed out that his habitual shields of anger and scorn were not conducive to wooing anyone, much less someone who had little reason to like or trust him.

"You are going to have to let down your guard, Severus," she had warned him. "You cannot romance him and keep him at arm's length at the same time. It simply will not work. Either you put your fears aside and risk being vulnerable, or you give up the idea now. Love is not a safe venture."

That had been the most difficult truth for him to process, much less enact, but for Remus, he was willing to try, no matter how exposed it made him feel. 

"I'm hardly an expert at interior design myself," he added, finishing off a piece of bacon.

There was silence for a few moments as Remus made inroads into his breakfast, a thoughtful expression on his face. "I have no objection to you doing... things with the place," he commented, and then he gave Severus a lopsided smile. "You know, I know so little about you - about the _real_ you - that I don't even know what colors you like. Other than black, of course. I would assume Slytherin green isn't objectionable to you, but other than that, I have no idea. Here's an opportunity to surprise me - what's your favorite color?"

Severus glanced at him in surprise; the last thing he expected was for Remus to give him permission to decorate the flat, especially so soon. That it was followed by a question that implied Remus was curious about him made hope surge in his chest, and he gave Remus a very small but pleased smile.

"My favorite color is orange," he said, amused by Remus' startled look. Obviously that wasn't at all what Remus expected to hear. "You needn't worry. I don't like it to wear or decorate with. It's warm," he explained. "It reminds me of the setting sun." He lowered his gaze to his plate and pushed his eggs around with a bit of toast. "There have been times when I needed warmth, even if it was just remembering the colors of a sunset."

Remus' surprise faded into a look of empathy, and he nodded, and then he stared down at his plate. "Oddly enough, I understand. Not the sunset, but the sunrise." He lifted his gaze finally, but his eyes were unfocussed. "I like blue. The color of the sky on a clear day when there are no clouds, when it's so deep and rich that you almost think you could fall into it. When you can look up at the moon in the daylight and see the shadows of the craters. It's safe, that blue."

Severus nodded, mirroring Remus' expression of empathy; he could understand why Remus found safety in that color, preferring the clear blue of a perfect sky to the dark shadows of the night.

"You'll be safe from now on," he murmured, speaking more to himself than to Remus, speaking aloud his desire to protect Remus, to banish the shadows in Remus' eyes and bring safety and happiness to his life. And then it sank in what he had said aloud, and he drew himself upright. "With the potion, I mean."

There was an odd expression on Remus' face, but as Severus straightened, it faded. "Oh, right," he said, and then he smiled. "Thank you for brewing the potion, Severus; I know I've said it before, but I have to do it again. It means so much to me."

Remus turned his attention back to his plate, as though embarrassed with his own admission.

"It's nothing," Severus said gruffly. "It would be remiss of me not to when I have the time and the means, and you're my spouse."

"I am, aren't I?" Remus said, as if the idea were somehow new to him. But he didn't elaborate further, instead raising a brow at Severus. "Are you finished? As nice as this was, I need to get to work. If I'm to be a responsible married man, I need to make certain I pull my own weight, right?"

Nice? Severus raised an eyebrow right back at Remus. He couldn't remember anyone describing time spent with him as nice before. Perhaps that was a good sign. Or perhaps Remus was just being polite or rhetorical, Severus thought, firmly bringing himself back to reality. 

"Yes, I'm finished," he said, pushing his plate toward Remus. "What time will you be-" He hesitated over the word. "Home? I'll have dinner ready." 

Standing, Remus gathered the plates, turning to place them in the sink. He glanced over his shoulder. "Around six, I think. Is there anything you need me to pick up, or will you shop? I imagine you'll need to move things? Here, I mean. I don't have much that will do for two." His voice became somewhat husky, and he turned away to run water over the dishes. "Other than staying at Grimmauld Place during the war, I've lived alone for a very long time." 

Now that Remus had his back turned, Severus was free to look at him, and Severus took advantage of the opportunity, drinking in the sight of Remus' shoulders, the clean lines of his back tapering down to his narrow hips. It wasn't just physical attraction drawing Severus, however; the melancholy in Remus' voice made him want to _do_ something, although he wasn't certain what. His comforting skills were practically nil, but he found himself wanting to wind his arms around Remus and hold him, to reassure him that he would no longer be alone.

"Other than having Pettigrew foisted on me for a time, so have I," Severus replied. "One might think living at Hogwarts doesn't qualify as living alone, but for me, it did."

Remus was quiet as he finished rinsing and stacking the plates in the drainer, and then he picked up a tea towel from a hook over the sink and dried his hands. He hung it back up, and then he turned in place, leaning back against the sink and looking at Severus solemnly. "I can understand that. Even when Grimmauld Place was full of people, I felt very alone." 

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I imagine we'll have some adjustments to make to one another, but... well, just know that I'm trying, all right? I have no desire to make you angry at me, Severus, so please just remember that if I do irritate you, it's not intentional."

Severus clasped his hands in his lap, regarding Remus with an equally somber expression. "I'm not trying to irritate you either," he said. "I told you before that I don't think this has to be awful."

 _I don't want it to be,_ he thought, biting back the words before he spilled too much and either frightened Remus off for good or pushed Remus back into wariness. _Not for either of us._

"All right." Remus offered a tentative smile, and then he sighed, pushing himself away from the sink. "I need to leave now for work. You can Floo me at the Ministry, if you need to. Just try the Bureau of Werewolf Affairs, and they'll find me." 

He walked toward the door, pausing for a moment to look back at Severus once again. "Er... have a good day, then. I'll see you this evening."

With that he left, and after a moment, there was a faint greenish flash from the next room and the unmistakable sound of rushing air as Remus used the Floo.

* * *

"Well?" Narcissa was sipping her tea with all due semblance of calm, but Severus could see the expectant light in her eyes. 

Severus dropped two lumps of sugar into his cup, in no hurry to end her suspense. "Well what?" he drawled, the picture of innocence, and she pouted prettily at him across the table. 

It was one of the rare times they had met in public; when Severus contacted her that morning, she had invited him to meet her at the tea shop in Diagon Alley, saying she needed to stop in Madam Malkin's anyway, and she wanted to fortify herself first. Some of the other patrons had watched them with range of emotion from curiosity to coldness and disgust, and after sharing a knowing look, they had decided by silent, mutual consent to be brazen and claim a table by the window. There, they lounged with seeming obliviousness to the waves of disapproval and hostility buffeting against them. 

"Well, are you finding the married state to be as blissful as you hoped?" she asked. "You have yet to tell me about the honeymoon." 

"I wrote you," Severus reminded her. 

"A brief note that amounts to little more than saying you have returned home does not count," she said reproachfully. "I want to hear all the details. Or is your beloved werewolf keeping you too preoccupied to make time for old friends?" 

"I've been shockingly neglectful, I know." Severus took a sip of tea and then reached for a biscuit. "Although the reason why isn't as salacious as you might think." 

"Unfortunately for you, I imagine." 

"Indeed." Severus grimaced. They had been married for three weeks, and they hadn't shared so much as a kiss, but he thought things were going well nonetheless. "At any rate, I _have_ been busy. Remus gave me leave to decorate the flat since he hadn't done much of anything to it." 

"And I was not consulted?" Narcissa stared at him, wide-eyed. "Severus, what you know about interior design would fit into a thimble." 

"Thank you _very_ much for the vote of confidence." He shot an annoyed look at her. "I know I'm hardly an expert, but this is something I wanted to do myself. It's to be our home, after all, thus it ought to reflect our tastes. Besides, if I let you help, he would likely figure out I hadn't done it on my own."

"The decor might have had a feminine element at that," she replied, smiling into her cup. 

"Or you might have overcompensated, and we would have ended up living in something that resembled a hunting lodge," he retorted. "At any rate, that is what I've been doing of late." 

The flat looked quite different than it had when he first moved in - and better, if he did say so himself. He had started with the sitting room, since that was where they spent a great deal of time when they were home. It was full of light in the morning, and so Severus had painted the walls the closest shade of blue he could find to match the color Remus had described as his favorite, and he had painted the trim white, which he thought lightened the room nicely. He installed plenty of bookshelves and in addition to the scant pieces of furniture Remus had bought, he had restored some of the nicer antique pieces his mother had left him and brought those in, including a writing desk with lots of little cubby holes they could share. 

While searching for bookcases, he'd found an Oriental rug with an abstract pattern in various shades of blue, and he'd immediately bought it and put it in front of the hearth. Also near the hearth were two plush wingback chairs, one Remus had bought and one Severus brought from Spinners End, and a tea table sat between them. It looked quite cozy to Severus' eye, and he hoped one day he would sit in his chair with Remus beside him, two steaming cups of tea on the table between, both of them happy to be where they were. 

He hadn't done much to the kitchen other than buy more pots, pans and cooking utensils and remedy the appalling lack of herbs and spices. He made certain the larder was well-stocked, and he added a tablecloth to the kitchen table and - after consulting Remus on the pattern - bought a basic set of china and silverware so they could dine on plates that matched. 

Buoyed by the optimism that Remus' permission to decorate had given him, he had packed up his clothes, most of his books, and the few personal mementos he possessed and brought them back to the flat. He kept his workroom intact, including several texts he consulted on a regular basis since there wasn't room for him to set up his equipment in the flat; he continued to work out of his own house, leaving in the morning shortly after Remus and returning to the flat a couple of hours before Remus came home from work to tidy up the flat if needed and to prepare dinner. He was still staying in the guest room, and he hadn't done any redecorating in the master bedroom, waiting until Remus was ready to share it with Severus and make it theirs rather than his. 

"Things are going well, I hope?" Narcissa asked. 

"Reasonably well, yes." 

"What about the honeymoon? Did you enjoy the hotel?" 

"It was rather a lot more than we expected," he said dryly, but Narcissa didn't appear the least bit contrite. "Neither of us had ever been anywhere quite so expensive." 

"It was your honeymoon - a special occasion," Narcissa said, giving a dismissive wave as if the expense was of little consequence, and he knew that to her, whatever the room had cost was probably little more than pocket change. "Was it romantic?"

"No, not really." Severus rubbed his chin absently as he thought back to that weekend. "It was more like a prolonged first date. We were both careful, trying not to do or say the wrong thing, and Remus was wary of my intentions. He seemed to enjoy himself, however." 

"And you?" She arched a questioning eyebrow.

"I was with Remus," he said simply, and she nodded, her smile a knowing one. "He's trying, as am I. I've taken your advice and tried not to be too guarded or snappish with him, and I've tried to take care of him. I prepare meals for him, I clean the flat-" 

"It sounds as if you have become quite the perfect little housewife," she teased, and he scowled at her. 

"It's merely practical," he retorted. "I can determine my own working hours; he can't. If I make myself useful, perhaps he will grow accustomed to me." 

"Perhaps he will come to need you?" she asked pointedly, and he shrugged and nodded. 

"If I cannot be loved, being needed is acceptable." 

"Oh, Severus." She reached across the table and rested her hand lightly on his arm, gazing at him with a blend of sympathy and concern. "Be careful. The last thing you need is to be used again." 

His answering laughter was mirthless. "It's what I know best," he replied. 

"But will it be enough?" she asked, drawing her hand back. "Can you bear being used by him, of all people?"

Severus placed his cup in its saucer with deliberate care as he considered the question. "I don't know," he said at last. "However, I don't think it will be an issue. I don't believe he would deliberately use me. He's always grateful when I do things for him." He paused, remembering. "Surprised, too," he added. "He isn't accustomed to being taken care of. Besides, he does his fair share. If I cook, he washes up, for example. He isn't simply sitting back and letting me do all the work." 

"But what is he doing for you?" 

"Letting me get closer," Severus replied. "Giving me a place in his life. Perhaps eventually, he'll feel comfortable enough to allow intimacy." 

"And if not?"

Severus clasped his hands on the table and gazed down at them. "If not, then it's a sign of deeper problems. If he doesn't grow to trust me or care for me, then I'll let him go. I can live without him loving me as long as there is trust and kind regard, but without trust, we have nothing." 

"For your sake, I hope that is never the case," she said, regarding him with sympathy again. 

"For my sake, I hope not too," he said dryly. Picking up his cup again, he finished his tea, not caring that it was cold. "We shall see. At any rate, I must go. I left Remus' dose of Wolfsbane Potion simmering, and it should be nearly ready now." 

He rose to his feet, and Narcissa stood as well; she held out her hands to him once they had moved away from the table, and he clasped them. "Good luck," she said, squeezing his hands tightly. 

"Thank you," he replied. "I appreciate your help." 

"Not at all." 

She smiled warmly and released his hands before turning and exiting the tea shop, her head held high in spite of the looks from the patrons around them, and Severus followed in her wake, too caught up in his own thoughts to pay attention to any gawkers. The full moon was nigh, and he suspected it could be a turning point for his relationship with Remus, depending on how things went. 

He was apprehensive about facing that side of Remus again; even with the Wolfsbane Potion helping Remus retain his human mind, Severus would be confronting some old, ingrained fears. If he could get through that night without showing his fear, perhaps Remus would be more comfortable with him, perhaps even grow to trust him a little more. 

He had hope, and for now, that was enough.


	4. Chapter 4

It was not quite four o'clock when Remus let himself back into the flat, removing his outer robes and hanging them in the tiny hall closet before stepping into the sitting room. The place was strangely still, and something felt wrong, but it took Remus several moments to identify what it was - for once, Severus wasn't home.

Crossing to the sofa, Remus sank down, looking around the room almost as though he hadn't seen it before - which, in some ways, he hadn't. True, he had noticed that things seemed a little different almost every time he came home from work, but now, alone in the flat for the first time in weeks, it struck him more forcefully. His home had changed, just as his life had changed, now that Severus was a part of it.

The walls were an azure blue, almost indigo, a soothing color that Remus liked a great deal. The white trim was reminiscent of clouds, and the entire room had a restful feel. Two chairs now occupied the space where Remus' solitary one had once stood, a tea table nestled cozily between them. The rug on the floor blended perfectly with the color scheme, and Remus bent down to trace the lush design with a finger tip.

The whole place was definitely different than it had been before. Different and, he had to admit, better. As was his life.

That thought caught Remus by surprise, and he leaned back against the sofa cushions, closing his eyes as he turned it over in his mind. He never would have expected it to have been this way but, strangely enough, Severus hadn't intruded upon his life. True, it was different sharing a home with someone, but at least thus far it had been amazingly pleasant. The fact that it was Severus Snape making it so was, however, the biggest shock of all.

It had been so long since anyone had taken care of Remus that he had almost forgotten what it was like. He did his share of the work, but still, it was nice to come home to cooked meals and intelligent conversation. Severus was a surprisingly calm companion, given the famous Snape temper, and Remus had to admit that Severus was holding true to his promise of not wanting to make Remus unhappy. Remus still wasn't entire certain what Severus _did_ want, but Remus certainly hadn't suffered in the interim.

 _Maybe he just wants someone to take care of,_ Remus thought, opening his eyes once more. _It's obvious that he is trying to please me. Perhaps I should just relax and accept it; whatever is driving Severus, it doesn't appear that he means me any harm._

The clock struck four with a melodic chime, and Remus sighed, rising to his feet and heading into the kitchen to make tea. The full moon would be rising in a few hours, and he knew from long experience not to try to eat anything beforehand. Tea, on the other hand, was a different story.

It wasn't long before he heard the sound of footsteps in the corridor, and Severus appeared in the doorway, brushing soot off his clothes. He glanced at Remus in surprise.

"You're home early," he remarked, crossing the room and setting a small, covered cauldron on the stove. "I'm behind my time, too. I had a rush order to fill this morning and got a late start on your dose of the Wolfsbane for today. Are you ready for it now, or do you want to wait until after dinner? I can have something ready shortly."

"Yes, I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but the Ministry lets me leave early on the day of the full moon," Remus said, smiling wryly at Severus and wrinkling his nose slightly at the smell of the aconite. He felt a bit guilty about having forgotten to inform Severus of his altered schedule, but in some ways, he still wasn't used to thinking in terms of "them". 

Remus added a second tea cup to the tray he had been preparing, and then he tapped the pot to heat the water. Then he looked up at Severus, flushing a bit. It embarrassed him to talk about his curse in front of Severus, even though Severus was making him the Wolfsbane. Severus had every reason to hate the wolf, after all, and even though Remus hoped it was all behind them now, he still had clear memories of some of the things Severus had said about his curse. 

"Actually, I don't eat before a change. I find that approaching it with an empty stomach is easier. But please, you go ahead and fix yourself something. I'll take the Wolfsbane after I finish my tea, and then head to my room."

"All right, then." Severus fetched a mug and a ladle before uncovering the cauldron and filling the mug to the brim. He carried it to the table, but instead of sitting across from Remus as he usually did, he sat in the adjacent chair. 

"Is there anything I can do for you?" he asked as he set the mug on the table between them. He glanced away momentarily, as if to hide the flash of apprehension and concern blended in his dark eyes. "I realize you usually manage alone, but that isn't necessary any longer."

Remus was surprised at Severus' offer, especially since the concern must mean that Severus was wary of meeting the wolf again. "Thank you, Severus, it's kind of you to offer," he replied, smiling and reaching out to lay his hand briefly atop one of Severus'. "But I know how you feel about that part of me. You've seen the wolf twice, and neither time has exactly been pleasant, has it? I don't want you to have to go through anything like that again. I've managed on my own for years, and I can continue to do so rather than make you uncomfortable."

Likely it was a trick of the light, but it almost seemed as if a flush rose in Severus' face at the touch of Remus' hand, but the haughty look he turned on Remus and the accompanying acerbic tone were anything but bashful.

"I have no intention of hiding myself away once a month for the rest of our lives," Severus retorted tartly. "Nor do I have any intention of making you do so. This is a part of you and your life. Therefore, it is part of our married life, and I must face it."

Severus drew in a breath and let it out slowly, and Remus thought he felt the fleeting brush of Severus' thumb against the side of his hand. "Besides," Severus continued in a less irritated tone. "It will be good for me to put the old ghosts to rest once and for all."

Remus looked at Severus, surprise and doubt warring within him. It seemed Severus was taking the "rest of their lives" part seriously, and, he had to admit, there was logic to what Severus was saying. He fought down his own impulse to talk Severus out of this, telling himself sternly that Severus was a grown man who could make up his own mind and set his own boundaries. Part of it, he knew, was his own desire to keep things as pleasant between them as they had been. Up until now, he had almost been able to convince himself that perhaps they could get on well enough, despite his initial doubts. But if Severus reacted badly to his change...

"If you're sure," he said uncertainly, searching Severus' face for any trace of revulsion. He couldn't find any, and so he finally shrugged, blowing out a breath and forcing himself to relax. Then something occurred to him, and he felt the heat creeping back into his cheeks. "I, er, have to strip, you know.. If that bothers you, I can go out and come back in after I've changed."

Severus sat up straight, his expression shifting into something unreadable, and he swallowed hard. "I think that would be best," he said stiffly.

Remus gave an internal wince, and then he nodded. Apparently Severus still hadn't entirely forgiven or forgotten the fact that Remus had taken his virginity. He moved his hand, picking up the mug of Wolfsbane potion and draining it in one long gulp, shuddering and gasping as he returned the mug to the table.

"Thank you," he murmured, voice rough from the sting of the powerful potion. He hastily downed the last of his tea, sighing in relief as it soothed his throat. 

Unsure what else to say, Remus stared down at his empty cup, the tea leaves at the bottom seeming almost to be in the shape of a heart. He gave a brief snort, and then he pushed the cup away; if there was one subject he had been worse in at school than Potions, it was Divination.

"Well... I suppose I'll go into the sitting room and read for a while," he said, pushing back his chair and rising to his feet. He looked down at Severus for a moment, wondering why he felt the sudden impulse to run his hand over the silky locks of dark hair. Perhaps it was just that the lack of human contact was something he felt particularly keenly just before the change, but whatever the reason, he was certain that Severus would shun the gesture. "You can go ahead and eat, and you don't have to worry about me."

"Very well." Severus rested his clasped hands on the table, his fingers tightening until Remus could see his knuckles turning white. "Perhaps it would be best if I remain here until after the transformation is complete to give you privacy before and during."

"All right," Remus replied softly, wondering at his own feeling of disappointment. He moved toward the doorway, turning back to look at Severus for a moment. "Oh... and don't be surprised or alarmed by anything you hear. It's not exactly a, er, painless process."

"No, I don't imagine it would be," Severus said, his voice sounding subdued. "Perhaps there's something that could be done about that. I'll look into it."

"Thank you. If you could do that, you'd have not only my gratitude, but that of lycanthropes everywhere." 

With a final, brief smile, Remus stepped into the parlor, crossing to the bookshelves and perusing the titles. The shelves had been another of Severus' additions, and Remus had to admit they were far better than the way he had been stacking books on every available surface. He settled on a book of mythology, and then he sank down onto the sofa, hoping to lose himself in the stories instead of dreading what he knew was coming.

The time passed quickly, less because of the book, however, than because Remus amused himself listening to the faint sounds Severus made in the kitchen. He tried to guess what Severus was doing just by the noises accompanying his movements. It was a silly game, perhaps, but a strangely homey one, and Remus enjoyed it, at least enough so that all too soon he felt the familiar pull of moonrise.

Putting aside his book, Remus moved up to his bedroom, leaving the door cracked so that he could open it after the change. He had learned long ago that closed doors and paws were not a happy mixture. He shed his clothes, laying them neatly over the back of a chair, and then he lay down on the bed, one arm thrown over his eyes as he waited for the change.

Years of transformations didn't make it any easier, and, in some ways, the Wolfsbane Potion made it worse, since Remus kept his awareness during the entire process, rather than losing himself and the agony to the beast. But it was worth it to keep his mind, and he rolled to one side, burying his face in the pillow to muffle the sounds of his pain as his body twisted and broke and remade itself into something else entirely. 

The process seemed to go on forever, as it always did, but finally he lay, furry and panting upon the coverlet. His mind was intact, but slower somehow, the instincts of the wolf and the changes in his brain and senses tending to make his human self seem less substantial. Remus had come to think of himself as "Moony" in this form - Remus, still, but a different Remus, not just physically but mentally and emotionally as well. 

It took several minutes after the change before he felt energetic enough to raise up onto all four paws, and then he jumped down from the bed and shook himself, damp fur tingling in the cool air. He lifted his nose and sniffed, catching a whiff of cinnamon and spice that he associated with Severus. His tail wagged slightly, but he ignored it, instead trotting to the door and slipping his nose into the crack to push it open. He padded silently out of the room and down the stairs, and then he stopped in the doorway of the parlor, hesitating as he looked for Severus and wondering what kind of reception he would receive.

Remus found Severus sitting in his chair by the hearth; Severus' head snapped up as the click of claws on the floor alerted him to Remus' approach, and Severus' eyes grew wide and round, his fingers clenching on the arms of the chair. His face had gone pale, and Remus caught a whiff of fear in his scent, but Severus didn't move or draw his wand or yell at Remus to go away, merely watched him as if waiting to see what he would do next.

What Remus decided to do was to make himself as non-threatening as possible. He entered the room slowly, stopping well away from Severus, and wagged his plumed tail gently, tongue lolling out of his mouth. He caught sight of the Evening Prophet, where he had dumped it on the sofa table when he came inside, and he walked over and scooped the paper up in his mouth, and then he walked slowly - very slowly - toward Severus, tail wagging encouragingly. It was up to him to make the first move, and he knew it, but he was ready to run back up to his room and leave Severus in peace if Severus expressed any discomfort with his presence.

Severus blinked, appearing startled by having a werewolf deliver a newspaper to him, but he reached out and gingerly took the paper from Remus' jaws, being careful to avoid his teeth.

"Thank you," he said, placing the newspaper in his lap, and Remus could see the wariness in his expression gradually shifting to what seemed to be fascination.

It wasn't much of a surprise given Severus' lifelong interest in the Dark Arts and Dark Creatures, and Remus much preferred Severus being curious about him than afraid of him. Severus studied Remus in silence for several minutes, looking him over with narrowed eyes and a shrewd gaze as if soaking up all the details of his appearance.

And then Severus stretched out one hand, and he rested it on Remus' neck, burying his fingers in the coarse fur. There was still apprehension lingering in his eyes, but the scent of fear was gone, replaced by something much warmer and richer.

Remus had forgotten how good it felt to have fingers tangled in his fur, and the wolfish side of him was aching for a scratch. He gave Severus an appealing look from wide, amber eyes, and then he gave a little whimper deep in his throat as he leaned into Severus' fingers, hoping Severus would take the hint.

There was a moment's hesitation, and then Severus' long, slender fingers curved and dug deeper, scratching up Remus' neck to behind his ear. Severus' face was suffused with growing wonder as he scratched harder, as if he couldn't quite believe what he was doing.

 _Oh, bliss!_

Moony's eyes almost rolled back in his head in pleasure at the scratching, his tail wagging harder in joy at the sensation. Then Severus found _that_ spot, and one of his back legs twitched uncontrollably. He didn't care, though, if he looked like a total idiot, so long as Severus didn't stop scratching.

Remus heard something then that he'd never heard from Severus Snape before - a soft, deep chuckle. He had heard sounds of anger, derision - all manner of negative sounds - from Severus, but in all the years they had known one another, he didn't recall ever hearing Severus laugh, no more than he could recall seeing Severus smile.

But those thoughts fled from his mind as Severus lifted his other hand and began scratching both of Remus' ears at the same time.

Remus gave himself over to the pleasure, leaning into Severus' fingers, eyes closed in delight. A deep growl began to rumble in his chest, but it was a contented sound, not an angry one. He was certain that his wolf-self wore an dopey expression, but it didn't matter. Severus was accepting him in this form better than Remus had dared to hope, and he plopped his furry bottom down on the floor, leaning forward to rest his chin on Severus' knee and letting out a chuff of delight. His wolf-self wouldn't have minded climbing into Severus' lap, but Remus knew that would be going just a bit _too_ far.

Severus seemed to relax, although he mock-frowned as he wagged one finger at Remus. "You're shedding all over my clothes," he said, but the comfortable tone of his voice let Remus know he didn't really mind - that, and the slow sweep of Severus' hand along his side from head to tail. 

"This isn't so bad," he murmured. "I've had nightmares about that night in sixth year, but the potion makes such a difference."

Remus opened his eyes, looking at Severus somberly. There was a difference, and he knew it, but there wasn't much he could say, lacking the ability to verbalize. The way Severus was petting him was comforting, however, and with a sigh, Remus leaned all his weight against Severus' legs, deciding just to enjoy the experience. Severus wasn't afraid of him, and that was enough.

* * *

Severus rose shortly after sunrise the next morning, shrugged into his dressing gown, picked up his wand, and made his bleary-eyed way to Remus' room. The curtains were drawn, letting in none of the early morning light, but Severus could see well enough to note that the transformation was finished, and Remus was back in human form. He lay curled up on his side with his back to the door, and even though he was lying on top of the covers, Severus saw nothing that would bring a blush to a maiden's cheek save the curve of his backside.

Not that it mattered. Severus was intimately familiar with Remus' body after their first night together, and his reticence over seeing Remus naked the night before hadn't stemmed from embarrassment or modesty, but rather a desire not to make a fool of himself by revealing how much he desired Remus too soon. He wasn't at all certain his will power was prodigious enough to let him sit and watch dispassionately while Remus undressed in front of him.

Aiming his wand, he cast a cleaning charm on the bed as he crossed the room to get rid of any werewolf hair, dander, and residual sweat, and he cast another cleaning charm on Remus in hopes of making him a little more comfortable. He cast another charm to levitate Remus off the bed just enough to let him pull back the covers, and then he lowered Remus again carefully. Tucking away his wand, he drew the covers over Remus, noting the signs of exhaustion in Remus' face and every line of his body.

He knew he ought to walk out and leave Remus alone to sleep, but Remus looked so tired and vulnerable, and the sight made him ache with the desire to _do_ something - anything - to ease Remus' suffering. There were times when the silence he had to maintain became stifling, and he longed to throw caution to the wind and tell Remus the truth about why he had forced this marriage. He wanted to declare himself to Remus and try to make this marriage a real one, no matter whether the timing was right or not.

But he knew he had to proceed with care, lest he lose everything by springing the news before Remus was ready to hear it. The right time would come one day, and Severus would seize it when it did. In the meantime, he would make do with moments like this when he could simply love Remus without artifice or risk.

On impulse, he reached out and smoothed Remus' hair back from his face, sifting his fingers through the sweat-damp locks, and he ran the backs of his fingers along Remus' cheek, savoring the rasp of stubble against his skin.

Remus let out a deep sighing breath, but he didn't wake. He did, however, turn into the caress, nuzzling into Severus' palm as though eager for touch. The lines of fatigue between his brows seemed to smooth out, and his body relaxed. His lips parted on a faint sound, but then he seemed to quiet once more, his cheek firmly pressed against Severus' hand.

Severus gazed down at Remus, sleeping so peacefully, the warmth of Remus' cheek searing his palm. Perhaps it was a good sign that Remus accepted his touch, even if it was only in sleep; perhaps Remus was touch-starved enough to respond to anyone that way, but right now, it was Severus' caress that had made him relax, and that was progress.

It was also maddening - touching Remus, seeing Remus respond, and knowing he had to keep himself in check. He wanted to climb into bed and curl around Remus protectively, to hold him while he slept, but he didn't have that right, not yet, no matter how much he yearned for more. Bending down, he gave in to temptation and brushed his lips against Remus' forehead in a light but lingering kiss, closing his eyes and savoring the connection before pulling away and straightening with reluctance.

The kiss made Remus stir again, but it was several moments before he finally opened his eyes, staring up at Severus in sleepy confusion, the smudges under his golden eyes making them look huge in his pale face. He didn't appear upset, nothing more than a little surprised at finding Severus standing over him.

"Severus?" Remus' voice was deep and husky with exhaustion. "Is there something wrong?"

"No, nothing," Severus replied, resisting the temptation to touch Remus' cheek again. "I wanted to make certain you were warm." He hesitated, debating whether he ought to let Remus sleep for a while before offering the remedies he had prepared for the morning after. "I have a salve," he said at last. "It will help with any joint and muscle pain you might have, if you think that might help you sleep better."

Remus' eyes widened, but his lips turned up in a faint smile. "Thank you. That would be very nice, Severus. I appreciate you looking after me." 

With a grimace, Remus shifted, turning onto his back. He regarded Severus pensively for a short time, and then he seemed to reach a decision. "Could I trouble you for a glass of water while you're up? You don't have to wait on me, but if you wouldn't mind, I'd be very grateful."

It was the first time Remus had ever asked him for anything, and Severus nodded quickly, eager to take care of Remus in any way he would allow. "Of course. Would you like anything else? It isn't any trouble; I'm already up."

"No, just the water will be fine, thank you." Remus' reply had a tinge of puzzlement to it, and he searched Severus' face. "I, er, didn't alarm you last night, did I? You didn't seem to mind, but I hope I wasn't intruding too much on your personal space."

"No, I didn't mind. It was - healing," Severus said slowly, choosing his words with care. "It helped dispel the unpleasant memories somewhat, seeing that side of you in a different way. No growling or lunging for my throat. I don't regret facing the werewolf again under those circumstances."

Remus seemed to consider those words, and then he he nodded somberly. "I'm glad, then," he said slowly. "Since I suppose we'll be going through this for the rest of our lives, it's good that you were all right with it." He shifted back against the pillows, a grimace of pain crossing his features as he moved. 

At the reminder of Remus' distress, Severus moved away from the bed. "I'll get that salve," he said, turning and heading for the door.

It only took a few minutes to get a glass of water and the healing salve, and he returned as quickly as possible. Remus was sitting up against the pillows, and Severus handed him the glass, unscrewing the lid off the jar while Remus drank. When Remus had enough water, Severus took the glass and put it on the bedside table, and then he perched awkwardly on the edge of the bed, watching Remus closely, searching his face for any sign of distress or revulsion.

"I made this," he said, scooping out a dollop of the pale pink salve. "I thought you could use something stronger than the watered down rubbish they sell at the apothecary." 

Hesitantly, he reached out and picked up Remus' hand, massaging up the length of Remus' arm at a gradual pace, his long fingers digging deep into the sore muscles and working the salve into the aching joints. 

Remus seemed to relax into Severus' touch, the lines of pain and tension which marred his brow gradually diminishing as Severus' ministrations and the salve did their work. He smiled softly in gratitude. "That feels wonderful," he murmured, his head falling back against the headboard. "Do you sell that salve? You'd be a rich man if you did, it's amazing." 

"No, I just worked out the formula this month," Severus replied, refreshing the salve and moving both hands up to massage Remus' neck and shoulders, his touch growing stronger and surer now that it seemed Remus wasn't going to shy away from him. "I suppose I could add it to my inventory, especially if you think other werewolves might find it useful."

Remus' skin was warm and smooth beneath his hands, and he forced himself to focus on working out the knots he felt in the taut muscles in Remus' shoulders rather than the scent of his skin, so enticing that Severus wanted to rub his face against Remus' chest to get that delicious scent on himself. He wanted to wallow in it, cover himself in it, to deluge his senses with it until he was never without it again.

"I think they would, yes." Remus' response was drowsy, and when Severus looked up, he noticed that Remus' eyes had slid closed. His body had gone almost boneless, his skin flushed with warmth and healthy color rather than pale and cold. "Mmm... feels so nice. Thank you, Severus... no one has done anything like this for me in..." He paused for a moment, a wide yawn splitting his face. "Hmmm... maybe ever."

"Good," Severus murmured, reaching for Remus' other arm and offering it the same meticulous treatment. "You'll have this every month from now on. Your time of suffering alone is over. You have someone to take care of you."

It was perhaps a bit risky to say so much, but at the moment, Severus didn't care. Remus was relaxed and content because of him; he had managed to help, to make Remus feel better after a grueling ordeal. Perhaps it would show Remus the advantages of having him around; perhaps it would even offer Remus a glimpse of the happiness they could share together if Remus was willing to open his heart.

"Thank you," Remus said, his voice soft with gratitude. He opened his eyes, offering Severus a lazy smile. "This is wonderful - I feel absolutely spoilt." His shoulders shook slightly as he chuckled. "I never would have imagined this, Severus. I wonder if I'm still asleep and dreaming."

"You aren't." Severus finished working the salve into Remus' wrist but didn't release his hand, turning it over and stroking the palm gently. Remus' fingers were relaxed and loosely curled, and suddenly, the risk no longer mattered. All the mattered was that Remus was comfortable with him at this moment, trusting him, accepting his help, and he wanted to sustain the connection as long as possible. Lifting Remus' hand, he pressed a lingering kiss to the palm, closing his eyes as he breathed in Remus' warm scent.

"Severus?" Remus' voice was still soft, and Severus opened his eyes to find Remus looking at him, eyes wide and somber as they searched Severus' face. Whatever he saw there must have reassured him, however, because he relaxed once more, giving a small sigh. "Feels nice. Thank you for taking care of me. You're working as hard on this marriage as you said you would... and I appreciate it."

"I told you I wasn't trying to make you miserable," Severus said quietly, reaching out to comb his fingers through Remus' hair. "Perhaps one day, you'll believe me." 

There was more he wanted to say, more he wanted to confess, but now wasn't the time. He had taken enough of a risk already, and Remus was almost asleep anyway. He sat by Remus' side and stroked his hair until Remus' breathing shifted and his body went limp, signaling his escape into sleep. Even then, Severus didn't move, content to sit and watch Remus sleep, enjoying this moment of closeness and connection while he had it.

* * *

The full moon with Severus had gone well - better, in fact, than Remus could have ever hoped. He had been prepared for Severus to be wary, even angry, but the reality of Severus' acceptance and his help the morning after had surprised and delighted him, making Remus wonder if by some miracle this marriage might turn out to be a blessing in disguise. A part of him was still wary, but he found that he was starting to _want_ to believe that he could take Severus' assertions at face value, that there was nothing more to Severus' reasons for blackmailing Remus into marriage than what Severus told him. He was even ready to admit that he was attracted to Severus. There was something about Severus which pulled at him, and Remus could see - now - why he had apparently fallen into bed with Severus at the first opportunity. His subconscious must have known what he wanted all along, and perhaps, someday, their marriage could become one in fact as well as on paper.

Unfortunately, his optimistic mood didn't last for more than the first day past the full moon.

It started with his return to work the next morning, when he was given many unkind looks as he returned to the office. There were some actively hostile glares from people in the corridors, and his sharp hearing caught mutterings about "special treatment" for his allotted time off due to his condition. The fact that he had fought long and hard in the war, risking his life to spy among the werewolves was apparently unimportant in the face of the fact that he had received an "extra" day off that others hadn't. It was annoying and frustrating, and there wasn't a damned thing he could do about it.

From there, however, the day had gone from bad to worse. His boss had dumped a stack of scrolls on his desk concerning a movement among a segment of Wizard society to have the Wizengamot "remove" the werewolves who were not also Wizards - an oh-so-polite term for having them segregated out to what amounted to prison camps, deprived of Wolfsbane so that eventually they would all kill off each other during the full moons. The documents were coldly logical, totting up the costs of supporting these "unfortunate mistakes" and putting forth the additional proviso that the camps be paid for by the Muggle government, under their "secret" budget which included their Defense and Intelligence allotments. 

The war against Voldemort had been damned expensive, and Remus knew that there were factions of the Wizengamot who just might back the legislation, under the argument that the needs of the Wizarding World as a whole outweighed those of a relative handful of unfortunates who had contracted a curse which was an embarrassment to society. It was nothing more than victimizing the victims, and by the time Remus had read through all the scrolls, he was trembling with anger, a sick knot forming in his stomach at the thought that his society, no matter what hell Voldemort had put them through, simply _refused_ to learn from past mistakes.

Remus didn't realize he had worked for hours, not until someone spoke next to his desk. He looked up in surprise, and then he smiled slightly as he saw Harry there. 

"Hullo, Remus - I came by to see if you'd time to go out to lunch with me. What do you say, can you take a break?" Harry asked with a smile.

Remus looked down at the mess on his desk, and then he sighed and nodded. "I need to get away from this nasty bit of business for a while, actually. Thank you, I'd love it."

"Excellent! I know an wonderful little restaurant just around the corner. My treat." 

Harry's words were light, but there was something about his expression that troubled Remus. He didn't press, knowing that if Harry wanted to talk about it, he would - and presumably whatever it was was the real reason behind the impromptu invitation. All he had to do would be patient, and if worse came to worst, he could always subtly prod Harry into revealing what was bothering him. 

They chatted about inconsequential subjects on the way to the small sandwich shop, and then they discussed the menu for several moments before making their selections. Two frosty mugs of butterbeer and two sandwiches piled high with thick roast beef were secured, and then they they made their way to a table near the window, sitting down and beginning their repast in a comfortable silence.

"This is very good," Remus said appreciatively, surprised to find he was hungry after the tension of the morning.

"I agree," Harry said. He picked up his mug and took a long drink, and then he placed the vessel carefully back on the table, staring down into it as though it held the answers to the mysteries of the universe.

"You've something on your mind." It wasn't a question, and when Harry looked up, appearing startled, Remus smiled. "It's rather obvious, you know. I won't pry, but you know I'm always here, if you want to talk."

Harry swallowed, and then he sighed and leaned back, pushing the rest of his sandwich away. "I do have something on my mind. The thing is, it concerns you, too."

Remus' eyebrows rose, and he pushed down a momentary flare of panic, hoping that Harry wasn't about to bring up the thing about saving Remus again. Things with Severus were going well, and Remus was surprised to find that he didn't want to end the marriage. Not now.

"It does?" Remus voice sounded strangled to his own ears, and he forced himself to take a deep breath and relax. He would rather be boiled in oil than ask the question, but he steeled himself and did it anyway. "What is it, Harry?"

With a trouble sigh, Harry reached out to lay one hand on top of Remus'. "I thought about not telling you, but... you deserve to know. I saw Snape the other day, having tea with Narcissa Malfoy. They looked very cozy, Remus. Intimate, even, as though they were sharing secrets. And Snape... he looked entirely too pleased with himself."

"What?" Remus gasped, and then he bit his lip, cursing himself for how shrill the word came out. His stomach tied itself in knots. "You're sure? She was at the wedding, I remember, but I assumed it was because Draco brought her. I didn't know that she and Severus were friends."

Harry squeezed Remus' hand. "It looked rather more than friendly to me. I mean... Snape? Eating in a tea shop? They were right in the window, too, as brazen as you please. It was almost as though Snape wanted them to be seen together."

Remus' mind was in chaos, and his stomach in knots of tension. Narcissa Malfoy... she was Bellatrix's sister, had been in the Dark Lord's circle, even if she had - supposedly - turned on them to save Draco's life. But she had every reason to hate Remus, who had been partially responsible for Lucius' death, for her losing her position in society. What was she doing having lunch with Remus' husband... unless it all had something to do with why Severus had insisted on this marriage in the first place. Maybe Severus wasn't doing it merely to force Remus to pay for his sins against Severus himself. Severus had killed Dumbledore while under an Unbreakable Vow, after all - one he had willingly accepted from Narcissa Malfoy.

Shock and horror washed over Remus, and he pushed back his chair, staggering to his feet. "Sorry, Harry, I need to go. I - sorry."

Vaguely Remus heard Harry calling out to him, but he was out the door of the shop as though there were a hellhound at his heels. He needed to be alone; he needed to _think_ , to quell the instinctive paranoia that rose up in him. His feet carried him aimlessly through Diagon Alley, his eyes staring at but not seeing his surroundings as he tried to calm himself, tried to think of some rational explanation for Severus to have been with a woman who had every reason to wish Remus dead.

* * *

Remus stepped out of the Floo and into the sitting room, automatically brushing the soot from his robes. After his lunch with Harry, he had walked for hours, finding no answers, feeling as though his heart and mind were slowly being encased in a sheath of ice that became thicker and heavier with each step he took. By the time the sun had begun to go down, Remus was completely numb, unable to think or feel. He had gone from hope to despair, and he no longer cared what happened to him. He knew what Severus was capable of, and the bitterness of the betrayal was all the worse for the brief hope he had felt.

It had been tempting to not go home at all, but he knew from long experience that putting something unpleasant off didn't make it any easier to deal with. Best to confront Severus at once, to have it out now and get it over with. He'd rather know the truth about how Severus intended to take his revenge than dread it and wait for the axe to fall.

"Severus?" he called out, keeping his voice neutral. It wasn't too hard, since the shield of ice was still in place - and as thick as it felt, it would be enough to even withstand the heated fury of Severus Snape.

"In the kitchen!" 

As Remus moved across the room, he caught a whiff of roast beef wafting from the kitchen - one of his favorites - and he clenched his jaw against the surge of wistfulness the little sign of domesticity prompted within him. He made his way slowly to the kitchen and stopped short in the doorway, stunned by the sight before him.

The kitchen table was draped with a pristine white tablecloth, and it was set for two, complete with candles. The room was lit only by candlelight, in fact, giving it a warm, intimate atmosphere that felt stifling under the circumstances. A platter of roast beef, a bowl of steaming potatoes, and a loaf of bread were set out, and there was a single red rose across the plate at Remus' usual place at the table.

Remus tore his gaze away from the table and looked at Severus, swallowing hard. Then Severus turned, and Remus could see he was wearing a pair of silk pajamas that in the dim light could have been black or dark blue. The bottoms hung low on his hips, and he had left the shirt unbuttoned, revealing a narrow trail of dark hair from his navel to somewhere below the waistband of the pajama bottoms that Remus didn't want to think about.

"Happy anniversary," Severus said, his voice deep and warm, and there was something that looked almost like a smile playing at the corners of his thin lips as he sauntered toward Remus, holding two glasses of wine. "One month today," he added, offering one of the glasses to Remus.

A month already? Remus closed his eyes, willing the ice to stay in place, to protect him. He wasn't certain what was going through Severus' mind, what all of these romantic trappings were in aid of, but whatever it was, it couldn't be good. Not if Severus were involved with Narcissa Malfoy, as it seemed he was. This was all part of the plan, all part of the vengeance, and the fact that part of Remus wished that it wasn't an illusion only made it harder to bear.

"Happy?" Remus echoed, looking Severus directly in the eye, making no move to take the wine. "Are you happy, Severus? Is this marriage really what you want?"

Severus tilted his head, regarding Remus with a quizzical frown, and he pulled the offered glass back. "Yes, this is what I want. I've been honest about that since the beginning."

"Yes, you have been honest about _that_ ," Remus said, feeling as though he were listening to his own voice from far away, distancing himself from the situation. "Let me restate the question, then, to remove the ambiguity. Are you getting what you want out of the marriage, then? Are your plans proceeding all on schedule? Am I falling for all of your traps as you wished, being lulled into a sense of complacency, so that when you move to strike, my defenses will be entirely gone, leaving me vulnerable to whatever it is you have in store?"

Severus drew himself up straight, an inscrutable mask falling into place as he put the wine glasses aside, and the sight was a jarring contrast to the relaxed openness - or at least the closest thing to it that Severus was capable of - Remus had seen from him over the past month.

"I don't have any plans," Severus replied, a wary note creeping into his voice. "No plans and no traps. I've been honest with you about _that_ as well. I told you: this was never about punishment or retaliation. I don't know why you're dredging all that up again now."

Remus had been expecting Severus to avoid the subject, and so he steeled himself and laid everything out in the open. "Perhaps because I've known you were hiding something from the beginning. I'm not a stupid man, Severus, despite of the things you may have said about my intelligence in the past. I'm a master at hiding secrets too, as you know, and I have a sense about when it's being done to me. I thought that perhaps it might have nothing to do with me. But now I'm not so certain. Not when people are telling me tales about you and Narcissa Malfoy. Friends, aren't you? And after the war, after Lucius' death, she certainly has reason to wish me ill. Perhaps you're just helping out a friend?"

Severus reared back as if he had been slapped, his dark eyes flashing with ire. "Are you accusing me of conspiring with Narcissa?" he demanded, and now his voice was as hard and layered with ice as Remus felt. "What exactly do you think we meant to do?" Severus folded his arms and peered down his nose at Remus. "If I intended to hurt you or kill you, I've had a month to do it, but all I have done is try to make your life easier and better. How very diabolical of me," he added with a sneer.

"I don't know what I'm accusing you of," Remus replied, giving a shrug. "But I notice you don't deny that there _is_ a conspiracy." 

He gestured at the table, the plates, the rose, and finally at Severus himself. "I thought we were getting on well enough, but I certainly don't understand _this_. Not when six weeks ago, you woke up in my bed shrieking like a Victorian maiden that I had defiled you and demanding that I do whatever you wished to pay you back for what it cost you. You wanted access to me for potions, you said. After your fit of the vapors at finding that I had deflowered you, at being sullied by my touch, I find it very hard to believe that you suddenly have developed some sort of desire to have sex with me!"

Severus blanched at that, but he tipped his chin up proudly. "I've told you all along I didn't think our marriage had to be awful and that I've regarded it as a real commitment. I thought we were getting on well enough too, and this seemed like a natural progression." He paused as if hesitating over his next words. "I thought our one month anniversary merited some kind of special commemoration, especially since things seemed to have gone well."

Remus recoiled, remembering the things that Severus had said the morning they had woken up together, the accusations burning fresh in his mind, the pain of those memories melting away the ice, bringing forth his anger and feelings of paranoia. "Natural progression? You accused me of drugging you and raping you, Severus! Of stealing your virginity. You called me a beast - you accused me of using you for vengeance!" 

His voice rose as his pain and doubts, all brought forth by the conversation with Harry, got the better of him. "You can't make me believe that you _want_ me, after thinking me capable of something like _that_!" Remus said, his tone full of scorn. "You forced me into marriage - a marriage I didn't want, just to do what was right and honorable by you! Well I _don't_ trust you, and I don't want this!"

By the end of Remus' tirade, Severus' face was devoid of emotion, and he took a couple of steps back, one hand creeping up to clutch the lapels of his shirt closed. He stared at Remus, silent and still for endless moments, his eyes hooded and unreadable; whatever emotions Remus' words evoked were hidden beneath a stony surface, not a hint escaping to let Remus know whether he was about to be hexed to Hell and back or not.

Then Severus pivoted on his bare heel and marched out of the kitchen without a backward glance, leaving Remus alone in the darkened room, the rich scents of the roast beef, wine, and candles making his knotted up stomach rebel.

With a sigh, Remus drew his wand, banishing the candles and the meal. Part of his mind rebelled at the waste, but he knew he would never be able to eat the leftovers, not with the bitterness of the argument clinging to them. The removal of the food didn't make his stomach feel any better, however, and he moved back into the sitting room, collapsing on the sofa and dropping his head into his hands. He felt bereft, as though he had lost something, but despite Severus' words, he _knew_ their marriage was just a sham, just something that Severus had wanted for some purpose of his own. A purpose he wasn't telling Remus, and one that, Remus had no doubt, couldn't lead to anything good.

It was only a matter of minutes before he heard Severus' footsteps on the stairs, and he sat up, bracing himself for another round. When Severus entered the room, Remus saw he was fully dressed, complete with his austere, concealing jacket buttoned up to his throat; the pajamas he'd been wearing were balled up in one fist, and in the brighter light, Remus could tell they were blue.

 _My favorite color_ , he thought, his mind fixating on that one odd detail to avoid thinking about his own pain and disappointment. 

And then he noticed the trunk floating along in Severus' wake.

Before he could say anything, however, Severus strode to the hearth and tossed the pajamas onto the fire, and he then turned to Remus. "I'll speak to someone about ending this marriage tomorrow," he said coldly. "I'll collect the rest of my things at a later time." 

With that, he turned and walked away.


	5. Chapter 5

"It's over." 

The words were surprisingly easy to say, perhaps because Severus felt numb and cold, as if the world was being filtered to him through a thick layer of ice. Perhaps because deep down, he had known all along there was no chance for a different resolution no matter how much he hoped otherwise. 

"Over?" Narcissa's eyes widened in alarm as she gazed at him, and she leaned forward in her chair. "Why? What happened?" 

"He doesn't trust me, he doesn't like me, he doesn't want me," Severus stated flatly. "He made it clear enough last night that the progress I thought we had made over the past month meant nothing. He was only staying with me because of duty and honor, and even after everything I've done to show him how it could be between us, he doesn't trust me. Someone has been pouring poison in his ear about you and me, and he believed it without hesitation. If someone says something bad about Severus Snape, of course it must be true," he added, his voice edged with bitterness.

"About us?" Narcissa's delicate brows drew together in a slight frown. "How on earth would anyone know anything about us?"

"We've been in public a few times." Severus scrubbed his face wearily, slumping in his chair with an uncharacteristic lack of posture and grace. "One of Remus' friends probably saw us and jumped to conclusions. Remus seems to think we're conspiring against him because he injured Lucius." 

Narcissa's frown deepened then. "Apparently you and I are painted with the same brush, then. I was relieved when Lucius died. I loved him once, but when he was willing to sacrifice the life of our only child for his own benefit, my feelings for him died. I helped your side for Draco's sake - to keep him safe from Lucius and the Dark Lord. Apparently that was not enough to make me trustworthy." 

"Nothing will ever be enough," Severus murmured. He stared into the fire for several long minutes, his expression blank, and then he finally shook himself out of his stupor and sat up straight, turning to Narcissa. "I want a name, someone who will handle the annulment of the marriage quickly," he said, his features hardened with determination. 

"Severus, it has only been a month-" 

"No." Severus cut her off with a wave of his hand. "I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. I was hoist on my own petard last night when he hurled my performance back in my face. He's clinging to that rather than letting what I have done in the weeks since count for anything. However, if I had approached him any other way, he wouldn't have believed or trusted me then either because of our turbulent history. Even if I had managed to convince him, he kept Tonks at arms-length for a solid year, and she was young, beautiful and amiable, and they didn't share the kind of past we do. With me, he would have stalled for a decade at least, and even then..." He bowed his head, feeling the weight of despair settling on his shoulders. "It wouldn't have worked no matter what I did. I could have sent him a flock of cupids bearing a banner reading 'I've loved you for twenty-five years' and reciting sonnets in his honor, and he would still distrust me because of who I am, what I've done, and how I have always behaved." 

"What are you going to do?" she asked gently. 

"Leave," he said flatly. "As soon as the marriage is annulled, I'm leaving the country for good." He glanced at her, his expression apologetic. "I'm sorry to leave you alone. Perhaps you could join Draco in Berlin." 

"Likely I will." Her smile was faint and distant. "I've nothing left here if you go except land and empty houses to rattle around in like a ghost. I think I would like to start over somewhere else." 

"There's nothing for either of us here," Severus said quietly. "Nothing but hostility and distrust from both sides, and pride isn't worth enduring ostracism for the rest of my life. I've had enough." 

"Perhaps you could relocate to Berlin, too," Narcissa said, a hopeful note in her voice. 

"Perhaps." He inclined his head slightly as he mulled over the idea. He had somewhere farther away in mind, but then again, perhaps Berlin was far enough away. Moving halfway around the world might put distance between himself and Remus, but he couldn't outrun his own broken heart; he would bear it with him wherever he went, and at least there would be familiar faces in Berlin. 

Then again, perhaps a fresh start would be best for him - cutting all ties to the world he once knew, the world that had turned its back on him in spite of everything he had done to save it. Ostracism was the price he had always paid and would continue to pay as long as he remained here; nothing he did would ever be good enough to make up for his sins. There were too many, and the weight of them was too great. He needed to get away from all of it and start his life anew in a place where no one knew him and no one cared about his past. 

"At any rate, if you have any recommendations, do let me know," he said. "I want this over and done with as soon as possible." 

"Of course." Narcissa nodded, her expression sympathetic, and Severus looked away. "If there is anything else I can do, you must let me know." 

"There isn't anything." He shrugged, an insouciant gesture that belied the empty, yawning space inside him. His heart, puny and paltry thing that it was, had belonged to Remus for most of his life, but Remus didn't want it, and now there was nothing left of it but ashes, all hope burnt away. "I don't wish to be rude, Narcissa, but I have work to do," he said, rising to his feet.

"Of course." Narcissa nodded as well and held out her hand, and Severus clasped it dutifully. "I'll make some inquiries and send the information to you as soon as I have it." 

"Thank you." 

He squeezed her hand and then let it go, and she offered him a sympathetic smile before turning and heading for the door. He followed her and showed her out, and once she was gone, he turned and leaned against the closed door, closing his eyes briefly. He had made it sound so simple: leave and start over elsewhere. But the reality wasn't so easy, not when the one thing that had given him hope to cling to while everything else had been steadily chipped away was gone. 

He had nothing left to care about, to strive for, to hope for, or to fight for. He felt hollow and cold, and he wanted to escape this place and these people as soon as possible. He didn't believe he would miraculously find love and happiness elsewhere; he just wanted to find a place to belong, somewhere he wasn't hated or distrusted or shunned. He wanted peace, nothing more. It didn't seem like too much to ask, but somehow, it had always eluded him. 

Pushing himself away from the door, he turned to go to his workroom. There were orders to be filled, and the work would help him avoid thinking about anything else for a while.

* * *

After a night alone, spent tossing and turning in bed in a house that seemed far too empty and quiet, Remus came to the realization that he had quite possibly made a huge error.

It was hard to say why he felt as though _he_ had done something wrong in confronting Severus with his suspicions, in bringing out his doubts and fears and refusing to play whatever game it was that Severus seemed to be playing. It might be easy to convince himself that he was right, and that Severus' departure was the sure sign of a guilty man, one caught in the act and proving it by running away with his tail between his legs. The only problem with that was that Severus Snape _didn't_ run away from things, especially not one measly werewolf.

As the hours had passed, Remus had time to think over things, to regret his words. The events of the last month came back to mock him, all the times Severus had done things for him. Severus was a consummate actor and spy, but in this case, he could have taken his vengeance against Remus in many other ways. He could have cost Remus his job by raising a rape scandal in the newspapers, could have made every day of their married life a living hell... but he hadn't. Instead he had been true to his word, doing his best to make their marriage work, and Remus had paid him back by flinging accusations at him which had little basis in fact, which were mostly a reflection of Remus' fears and not Severus' actions. 

Baseless suspicions were something with which Remus was far too familiar. He had been subject to them every time someone found out he was a lycanthrope, when they shied away from him, eying him as though expecting him to leap at them and tear out their throats with his bare hands. He hated that reaction, had been fighting relentlessly at his job to abolish those exact prejudices, and here he had turned on his own spouse and done something similar.

It made him feel like a hypocrite, as though he had betrayed not only Severus by his thoughtless words, but himself as well.

Realizing that he owed Severus an apology, Remus fire-called into work to take a personal day off, and then he took a quick shower. He dressed in the robes that Severus had bought him for their wedding, hoping that Severus would recognize it for the conciliatory gesture it was meant to be. It was true that he hadn't wanted this marriage at first, but now that he had it, he found he wanted to stay with Severus, to _try_ to make it work. Severus had been willing to take a chance on him, even after all that he had done; he owed it to Severus to try to make amends and to put as much effort into the marriage as Severus had himself. Severus had _earned_ his trust, and it was about time Remus told him so.

It took only a moment to Apparate to Spinner's End. Remus had been there before, helping Severus to move some of this things into Remus' flat. He drew a deep breath and stepped from behind the bushes which had shielded his appearance, making his way toward Severus' house. He was determined to do this properly, to make Severus see that Remus did believe that Severus wasn't out to take vengeance on him, that everything could work if only Severus would give him another chance.

Then Narcissa Malfoy stepped out of Severus' door, looking blonde and perfect, and Remus felt the wolf rise up in absolute fury.

With a snarl, Remus started to run, but before he covered more than a few yards, Narcissa drew her wand, Disapparating without appearing to have noticed Remus at all. For some reason, this made the wolf within even angrier, an emotion Remus had never experienced so strongly before, one that he felt overwhelm him without even knowing _why_. The wolf fought him for control, and before he could recover it, he was at Severus' door, pounding against it with his fists and yelling for Severus to open it before he tore it down.

It was only a matter of moments before the door opened, as if Severus hadn't moved far away after seeing Narcissa out, and Severus peered down at Remus with cold disdain, the temperature seeming to plummet even more when Severus looked him up and down and saw what he was wearing.

"What do you want?" Severus demanded, holding the door closed enough that Remus couldn't move past him. "I thought you said everything that needed to be said last night."

Severus' icy disdain didn't faze the wolf, and Remus exerted all his will to hold back the growl which threatened to break past his lips. It took a moment and several deep breaths, but finally Remus felt himself gaining the upper hand.

"I wanted to offer you an apology for my behavior last night, for suspecting you of being out to hurt me," Remus said, his voice rough. "I didn't sleep all night, feeling horrible for what I said, for having jumped to conclusions about your motives. I wanted to say that I was sorry, that I was wrong, and that I appreciate the efforts you have made on our marriage." He paused, and then he shrugged, his voice turning bitter. "Perhaps I did leap to the wrong conclusions about you wanting to take revenge on me, but after seeing Narcissa leaving here, I have to wonder why you were so insistent about our marriage, if your real interest lies with _her_."

Severus' lip curled in a sneer. "Then you're even more of an idiot than I thought. If you need it spelled out so your dense little Gryffindor brain can understand it, then let me make it simple," Severus said, showing no signs of budging from the doorway. "There _was_ a conspiracy. Narcissa gave me advice on how to court you since I have no experience in the matter. She helped me plan our wedding, and she arranged our honeymoon. She is the only friend I have left, and I turned to her for help, not to hurt or humiliate you."

Shock brought Remus up short, and he gaped at Severus in disbelief. Severus could _not_ be implying what Remus thought. " _Court_ me? You asked _Narcissa Malfoy_ for advice on how to _court_ me?"

Surprise and incredulity smoothed over the anger, and Remus drew in a breath as the wolf faded back, watchful and puzzled. "Severus, you _hate_ me. You've spent a good portion of the last six years or so taking every opportunity to tell me that in no uncertain terms. You've accused me of heinous things, of being in league with suspected murderers, of wanting to murder _you_. You made it obvious that I raped you against your will - and now you expect me to believe that you wanted to seduce me?"

Severus stared at him silently, his expression blank. No, more than blank, Remus thought. The dark eyes that had always held the glimmer of fire in their depths were now empty and dull. After a time, Severus shrugged.

"If you want to know the truth, so be it," he said, his tone one of uncharacteristic apathy. "I intend to leave as soon as the marriage is officially annulled, so it hardly matters if you carry the tale back to your friends to gloat and mock me." 

With that, he pushed the door opened and stepped aside, gesturing for Remus to enter the house, and then he closed the door and led the way to the sitting room.

"Severus..." Remus began, but then he shook his head and followed silently. He wanted to protest that once again, Severus was hurling accusations at him without thought, reinforcing Remus' disbelief that Severus had set out to pursue him for some reason. But it was pointless to argue, and, to be honest, the lack of life in Severus' eyes worried him. He could handle an angry Severus, a sneering or gloating one, and he had come to accept - even to be fond of - Severus taking care of him. But a Severus without emotion was somehow more frightening than Remus would have imagined, and he chewed at his lower lip, brows knit together in concern.

"I promise I'm not going to carry any tales," he said as they stopped, and he reached out toward Severus tentatively. "You have to understand that you're confusing the hell out of me, Severus. I don't understand this - I don't understand _you_ \- and that worries me. A lot."

"You will understand everything in a few minutes," Severus said as he drew his wand and aimed it at Remus, who took a startled step backward. "Legilimens!"

Shocked, Remus tried to brace himself for the expected onslaught of Severus delving into his unprotected mind, but instead, he found himself drawn out - out of his own memories and into Severus'. Memories rushed past in a colorful blur as Severus propelled him deeper, and Remus assumed he was being given what amounted to a guided tour. It was typical, he thought, that Severus would remain in control even while giving Remus unprecedented access to his mind. 

Suddenly, the blur went still, and Remus found himself in a familiar place: the infirmary at Hogwarts. There was Severus, a tall, skinny fifteen year old boy with spots on his chin and lank hair that fell like an obscuring curtain around his face. 

_"Lie down and rest for a while." Madam Pomfrey dabbed one last time at the bruise on Severus' cheek. "You've had another run-in with Mr. Potter and Mr. Black, I suppose."_

_"Not this time." Severus shook his head and even smiled a little. "This time, it happened while I was serving detention in greenhouse #7."_

_"Ah." Madam Pomfrey nodded, her expression knowing. "You'll want to be more careful in there, my lad. Professor Sprout is the only one who can handle_ those _plants."_

_She fussed over him a little more, and then she bustled away, leaving him alone to rest. But Severus didn't stay down long, his attention seeming captivated by the curtain drawn around the bed next to his. He crept over and peeked behind it - and Remus saw himself lying there, his face wan and scratched. It was just after a transformation, he supposed._

_Severus approached the young Remus' bed, his expression softening, and he stretched out his hand tentatively to brush back a lock of hair that had fallen into Remus' face. Remus stirred, but he didn't wake, and Severus grew bolder, resting his hand atop Remus' and curling his fingers around it. There he stood, just watching Remus sleep for several minutes until footsteps alerted him to Madam Pomfrey's return, and he hurried back to his own bed._

Even absorbed in the depths of the memory, Remus knew he was standing back in Severus' sitting room, mouth agape. "You touched me," he murmured, knowing that the now-Severus could hear him, even as he watched the then-Severus nonchalantly pretending nothing had happened. "You always sneered at me, mocked me... I never knew."

There was no response, although Remus didn't really expect one; instead, there was only another rush of color, and when it stopped this time, he found himself at Hogwarts once more, this time in Albus Dumbledore's office. The sight of the wizard alive and well again was like a twist in Remus' gut, but he forced himself to watch the scene before him.

Severus looked older this time; his shoulders were a little broader, and he seemed to have grown into his hands and feet. The awkward gangliness of adolescence was gone, but it was difficult to tell how old Severus was; his face was pale and lined, and he looked exhausted.

_"What is it this time?" Severus asked, leaning his head in his hand and closing his eyes wearily._

_"Why didn't you tell me Black had turned to Voldemort's side?" Dumbledore gazed at Severus, his expression somber, almost sad._

_Severus snapped his head up, frowning. "I did. But what does it matter now? Regulus has been dead for over a year."_

_"I'm speaking of Sirius Black, not Regulus Black."_

_Severus' jaw dropped slightly, and he gaped at Dumbledore, apparently struck speechless. " **Black**? On the Dark Lord's side? That's absurd!" _

_"Not so absurd." Dumbledore sighed and pushed a copy of the Daily Prophet across his desk so Severus could see the headline. "He killed one of his friends."_

_All color drained from Severus' face, leaving it ghostly white, and he clenched his fingers in a death grip around the arms of his chair. "Not Lupin."_

_"No-"_

_Severus closed his eyes, sagging with relief._

_"-not Lupin. It was Pettigrew who was murdered."_

_Severus' words were barely audible, but Remus' acute hearing caught them. "Thank God."_

Remus' throat was tight this time; he couldn't speak, not after seeing that, knowing that someone had been thinking kindly of him at the lowest time in his life. After The Incident, as he thought of the confrontation in the Shrieking Shack when they had been teens, Remus had thought that Severus _wanted_ him dead. Severus' glares and sneers and vicious words had certainly seemed to indicate it, as had his presence among the Death Eaters. Remus hadn't known at the time that Severus was their "inside man" with Voldemort, that Severus had been risking his life for them all. Including Remus - and all the while, Remus had thought Severus would have been overjoyed for Remus to have died in the war. Either war.

Another rush of color, and this time, he was brought much closer to the present. He saw himself in the Shrieking Shack, beaming as he embraced Sirius. The children were confused and frightened, but Remus remembered that moment, remembered feeling an overwhelming joy at learning of his friend's innocence.

In the corridor outside, however, Severus stood alone and silent, the Invisibility Cloak slipping off his face unheeded, revealing that he was watching the reunion with raw anguish in his eyes. Anger and shock gave way to a look of deep, desperate longing, but it was quickly covered by an icy mask as he drew his wand and whipped off the cloak as he stepped forward to interrupt.

"He was just my friend... the friend I'd lost. I had no one else, no one who knew the truth, no one who accepted me... or at least would admit it," Remus murmured. There was no explaining it, really. Even if Severus' hatred of Remus had been a sham - as Severus seemed to be trying to impart from these memories - his animosity toward Sirius was real enough. "I tried to reach out to you, that year. But you didn't trust me. Rightfully so, I suppose, but not for the reasons you thought."

But the only response he got was to be whisked away to another memory - one that could only be a matter of months old. It was disorienting since the memory was set in the very room Remus was standing in, but Narcissa was there, seated in the comfortable chair by the hearth, while Severus lounged on the sofa, his arms stretched across the back and his long legs stretched out in front of him. 

_"But I thought you loathed him!" Narcissa appeared as surprised as Remus felt._

_"I've been jealous and furious, and I've often wished I could forget him, but I have never loathed him," Severus replied, his tone matter of fact. "When we were in school, I didn't dare reveal how I felt because of his friends. After I learned the truth about what he is, I used it as an excuse to fuel my anger. I wanted to hate him and distrust him, and I behaved as if I did in hopes that eventually, it would become real. It didn't work," he said ruefully._

_Leaning forward, he clasped his hands and let them dangle between his knees. "It's always been one thing or another keeping me from approaching him. His friends, the wars, Black, Tonks." His voice grew softer and deeper. "The blood on my hands."_

_"Why now?" Narcissa asked, watching him with a blend of sympathy and curiosity. "Why this way?"_

_"I must do it now, because I'm finally free, and I have nothing to lose," he said, glancing up to meet her gaze. "Everything I cared about has been stripped away until I have nothing left but this one hope. It has sustained me through every ordeal of the past two years, giving me something to live for when my task was complete at last. I must **try** , but I can't simply walk up to him and make a grand confession. He wouldn't believe me, and even if he did, he might not be willing to give me a chance. There are too many people who would poison him against me. But if we're married, there's nothing anyone can do to separate us, and I will have the time I need to woo and win him." He paused and gave her a questioning look. "If you're willing to help me, that is."_

_"Of course I am," she replied. "But Severus, I would be remiss if I did not tell you that I have misgivings about your plan. It could go against you if he learns you have deceived him. You know how they are."_

_"I know." Severus appeared grimly determined. "I consider it worth the risk if it will give me time alone with him to show him the truth behind the lie."_

"ENOUGH!" Remus cried out, pressing his hands to his head and throwing himself backward, as though the physical motion would sever the connection. Perhaps it worked, or, more likely, Severus let him go, but the real world returned, and Remus staggered back against a wall, his emotions a warring, chaotic mass that seemed to seethe and churn inside of him. He leaned against the solidity of the wall, grateful for the support, panting harshly as he tried to wrap his mind around all the implications of what Severus had shown him. Especially the last memory.

Huddled in on himself defensively, Remus looked up at Severus, his eyes full of confused pain. "You have... feelings for me," he said slowly. "You wanted me... and yet you lied to get me. You made me believe that I had - had - _forced_ you, drugged you - like an animal!"

"Yes, I lied to you." Severus regarded him with the same dull lifelessness, as if the parade of memories had left him unfazed. "I did what I always do: whatever I feel is necessary to achieve my goal. The truth is, neither of us were drugged. You were drunk. I took Polyjuice to disguise myself. I didn't even have to seduce you. You came to me. I wasn't a virgin, and you didn't force me."

He moved to the sofa and sat down, although there was nothing relaxed about his posture. "I forced your hand because I thought it was necessary. I thought unless I engineered a situation in which I had time alone with you, your friends would interfere, or you would keep me at a distance the way you did Tonks. I wanted a chance with you, and I was willing to do whatever it took to get it. If it upset you, I apologize, but I would do it again, and I have no regrets."

"No regrets? You claim to have feelings for me, yet you _lied_ to me, you let me think..." Remus' voice trailed off as he gaped in disbelief as Severus revealed the depths of his deception. He could feel the wolf prowling restlessly, growling and snapping for release, and the anger and hurt and the sight of Severus' apathy about what he had done all combined, festering and roiling until they boiled over, and Remus did something he almost never did.

He let his control snap.

With a fierce snarl, Remus _pounced_ , crossing to the sofa in a bound and landing on top of Severus. He pushed Severus roughly down on the cushions, straddling Severus' hips and arching over him. He grabbed Severus' wrists, pulling Severus' arms up and pinning them over his head, against the arm of the sofa.

"You let me think I let the wolf out," Remus growled, his face a bare inch from Severus'. His face was flushed, his eyes flashing with golden fire. Bending his head, he ran his nose along Severus' throat, inhaling Severus' scent as the growl continued to rumble in his chest. He looked up again, licking his lips as he stared as Severus, his gaze no longer completely human. "You called me a beast - now see what the beast is really like."

With that, he crushed his mouth down on Severus', hard and possessive, the wolf intent on only one thing - Severus' complete surrender.

Beneath him, Severus didn't struggle; there was only a momentary bit of tension in his body, as if he had stiffened in shock at the sudden attack, but then it drained away, and he parted his lips, yielding his mouth to the brutal kiss. He didn't resist the invasion of Remus' tongue, nor did he try to wrench his hands free or buck Remus off; he surrendered, letting Remus take whatever he wanted, but there was no passion in it. It was as if he was empty, devoid of emotion, and Remus was kissing a shell.

It was surrender of a sort, but the wolf sensed Severus' passivity and was displeased by it. Lifting his mouth from Severus', Remus stared down at him for a moment before swooping down and burying his teeth in the tender flesh of Severus' throat. He bit down, not enough to break the skin, but enough to leave a mark, to let Severus' know how much he could hurt if he wanted to do so.

A small, choked sound escaped Severus even as he tipped his chin up to bare his throat, and a shudder wracked his slender frame.

That was exactly what the wolf wanted, and a red haze rose over Remus' vision. _Mine, mine, all mine_ , the wolf was chanting within him, urging Remus to give in, to take, make Severus his, utterly and completely, forever. It would be so easy, and Severus belonged to him, wanted him...

WIth a gasp, Remus pulled back, flinging himself away from Severus and to the other side of the sofa. His hands were clenched into fists as he wrestled the wolf back into submission, shocked and appalled at what he had thought of doing - what he so easily could have done.

Harsh breaths rasped between his lips as Remus fought the wolf down, but after several long, tense moments, he finally managed it, imprisoning the beast once more behind the walls he had spent decades perfecting. He was horrified at himself for his behavior and also rattled, knocked off balance by the surge of possessive hunger he felt for Severus, a desire to claim Severus as his own. Forever.

Staggering to his feet, Remus stared down at Severus with wide eyes. "I'm sorry, Severus. You didn't deserve that. I - I don't blame you for anything you accused me of. After all, you so easily could have been right."

Severus didn't move except to roll his head to one side and close his eyes, shifting one arm to lie across his face, obscuring it.

"Apology accepted," he said hollowly. "Now go away. I've given you everything. I have nothing left. Just leave me alone."

 

Remus swallowed, feeling sick and numb. He wanted to reach out to Severus, but at this point, there didn't seem to be anything to say or do to fix the mess. He needed to leave Severus alone, to get away, and most of all, to _think_.

"All right, Severus. You know where to find me," he said. Then he turned and made his way to the door, leaving much more quietly than he had arrived, but with a determination he hadn't had before. Severus might have gotten him into this against his will, but Remus found he wasn't quite ready to get out of it. Not yet.

* * *

By the morning after his disastrous visit to Severus, Remus had progressed beyond numbness to anger. Anger with Severus for his manipulations, and anger with himself for having given in to a base desire to punish Severus. He was an adult, and it wasn't as if he hadn't known, deep down, that Severus was Up To Something; he had just been completely off-base about what that something was.

By the second morning, Remus had progressed to thoughtfulness about the situation. The memories Severus had shown him had been surprising, but they had also been a revelation. Remus had known Severus for most of his life, and he _knew_ how Severus was. Severus would consider having "feelings" for Remus to be a weakness, one to be covered up at all costs. The times when Severus had overreacted to things - such as Remus' friendship with Sirius, during Harry's third year - were now put in a different light entirely. Yes, Severus had been angry, but he had also been jealous. 

The fact that he had apparently loved Remus - even if he had never used that word - for so very long was flattering, making Remus feel an odd yearning in his heart for what might have been. He also felt even more wretched for the times he hadn't come to Severus' defense over the years, for his anger and lack of belief in Severus after Dumbledore's death. He had learned over the last month how hard all that had been on Severus, but Remus' reaction had only made it harder. There was also Severus' treatment of Remus himself over the last month, which had been warm, and caring, and - surprisingly - more true to Severus' real feelings than all the shouting and snarking over the last twenty-five years.

By the third morning, Remus had come to a decision: he wanted this marriage. He wanted to give it a chance to work.

He wasn't in love with Severus, but after having thought everything over, he realized that he did want Severus in his life. The last month had been a beginning, a taste of what things could be like between them, if Remus was willing to forgive. Having been yearning for Severus' forgiveness for decades - and not realizing that he had had it all along - made Remus want, more than ever, to put the past behind him. 

He had been wrong about Severus, just as he had been wrong about Sirius all those years ago. He had ended up losing Sirius again before either of them fully healed, before Sirius had a chance to return to a life and a sense of himself. It was a tragedy, but one that Remus had learned from; he didn't want Severus to walk away angry, to leave without giving both of them a chance to put the past behind them and explore the possibilities the future might hold.

It struck Remus as somewhat ironic, as well, that it was a lack of trust between them which had gotten them where they were. Severus hadn't trusted Remus to give him a fair chance at a relationship, and hadn't trusted in himself enough to believe Remus would want him without trickery involved. The truth was that Remus _was_ attracted to Severus; it had only been his belief that Severus hated him that had kept him from ever thinking of doing anything about it.

Now, however, perhaps there was a chance. With all the lies and deceptions finally aired, Remus was willing to take a risk, to see if the last month was a fluke, or something which could be the foundation of a real marriage. He had nothing to lose, after all; they were already married, and to be honest, the last few days without Severus had been lonely. He wanted Severus back, even if it meant going to him and begging him to return. He was more than vaguely attracted to Severus; the wolf recognized Severus as belonging to it, and Remus felt a yearning for Severus in a part of himself which previously had only been a well of anger and pain.

He Flooed back to the flat after work, and then he stood looking around at the blue walls Severus had painted for him, and the touches of _home_ Severus had added, and he came to a decision. It was time to bring Severus back. It was time for them to stop running and start talking.

The problem with that, however, was that Severus wasn't likely in the mood to talk to him after their last encounter. He remembered what Severus had said, remembered the bleakness in Severus' eyes and the air of defeat surrounding him. No, Severus was far more likely to tell him to sod off and refuse to open the door than to talk, but that didn't mean all was lost.

Severus hadn't yet come to pick up the rest of his belongings, which gave Remus an advantage. He doubted Severus would come while there was a possibility that Remus might be home, and since it had already been a couple of days, Severus was probably thinking about collecting his things soon, which meant Remus needed to act quickly.

On the fourth day, he took the afternoon off work and returned home, and he spent the better part of an hour making certain Severus had no way of entering the flat. No key, charm, or attempted travel by Floo or Apparating would gain him admittance, and while Remus knew it was a sneaky, underhanded thing to do, he couldn't bring himself to feel guilty about it, considering the sneaky, underhanded things Severus had done to make this marriage happen in the first place.

As it happened, luck was on his side; a couple of hours after he made the changes, he heard someone at the door, trying to get in. He heard the doorknob rattling and Severus' muffled voice exclaiming, "Alohomora!" and then more doorknob rattling. Silence fell in the corridor outside his flat then, and he waited, ears straining for any sound that might let him know what Severus was doing.

Long minutes passed with no activity, and he supposed either Severus had gone somewhere to try to use the Floo or to Apparate in, or he had given up. Remus hoped it was the former rather than the latter, and he felt a little surge of triumph when at last he was summoned by an insistent knocking. He strolled to the door and opened it, gazing up at Severus with wide, innocent eyes.

It was a little disheartening to see the cold, closed expression on Severus' face, but he was determined to persevere. The wolf reared its head, growling its disapproval when he noticed the mark he'd left on Severus' neck was gone. It should have been visible even above Severus' high collar, but there was no sign of it, and the wolf wasn't at all happy about that.

 _Mine!_ It growled and surged, wanting to stake its claim anew, but Remus forced it down, knowing patience was what he needed now - and knowing Severus, it would need to be patience of saint-like proportions. 

"I want my things," Severus said, folding his arms and staring down at Remus with that same unsettling emptiness. 

Remus wanted so much to reach up and brush his hands against Severus' cheeks, to frame his face and draw him down into a kiss, one that could heal all the pain between them, one that would lead to a deepening of their bond. It was too soon, and he knew it, but he couldn't help wanting things to be _right_ between them, and as quickly as possible. But he must go slowly, carefully; wooing a Slytherin would probably be the most difficult thing he had ever tried to do.

"They're all here, just as you left them. You're moving back in then?" Remus asked, keeping his tone light and his eyes wide and appealing, his lips curving up in a welcoming smile. "That's good news, Severus."

"Don't be ridiculous." Severus drew himself up proudly. "This marriage is over. I have already spoken with someone and begun the proceedings for an annulment. I want my belongings." He eyed Remus coldly. "I couldn't get in."

Annulment... Severus had mentioned that before, but Remus was still dismayed that Severus was intent upon it. He thought quickly, knowing that he must not, under any circumstances, let Severus leave the flat - not until they had an understanding.

"Sorry about that, but I didn't want you to come in and get your things without talking to me," Remus said, looking at Severus directly, speaking without appeal but with frank honesty, hoping that Severus could be persuaded to give in to Remus' spur of the moment plan. "You see, I understand about you wanting the annulment. There have been misunderstandings between us, and we have both been hurt. I won't fight the annulment, if you really want it, but I do have two conditions."

Wariness crept into Severus' eyes, and he took a step backward, his entire demeanor radiating distrust. "What two conditions?" he asked cautiously.

"They're simple, Severus, honestly - don't look so panicked," Remus said, letting his tone become soothing. "First is that from now on, I want you to be honest with me." He held up a hand when it looked as if Severus would protest. "Hear me out, please - I think I deserve that much. I'm not asking you to make me your confidante, or to tell me anything you don't want to. You can even refuse to answer a question, and that's fine. But I don't want any more deceptions or any more games. Just the truth, please. If you have any respect for me at all, please treat me as though you do. Is that fair?"

The wariness faded somewhat, but Severus didn't appear to let down his guard in the least. "Fine," he said tersely. "It's a moot point anyway, since I have no intention of talking to you during the short time I will remain in the country."

"All right, then, but as to you leaving the country... well, that interferes with my second condition," Remus replied. This was the tricky part, and he drew in a deep breath. "I want you to agree to remain here, in this flat, until the annulment is final. In fact, I insist upon it, and as a precaution, I've placed a charm upon all your possessions, so that none of them can be removed from here until our marriage is officially dissolved."

Silently Remus blessed his foresight in charming Severus' things when he had finished changing the wards. It had been a second line of defense in case Severus had somehow managed to get into the flat, but now he could actually use it for an even better purpose - keeping Severus here, with him, until he could convince Severus to stay forever. 

He just hoped it worked, and that Severus wouldn't decide to abandon his possessions as quickly as he had decided to abandon their marriage.

"You did _what_?" Severus' hands curled into fists by his sides, and the wariness turned into an outright glare. "You had no right, Lupin. Why in God's name do you want me to stay here anyway?" he demanded.

"I charmed your belongings," Remus repeated calmly, standing unperturbed in the face of Severus' glare. "So that you couldn't come back and take them without talking to me. I want you to live here, with me, for as long as we are married. I don't want people to talk, to say that you were a failure, or that our marriage ending was your fault - and you know they will. When our marriage ends, I want us to stand together and make it obvious that it was a mutual decision." 

_Not that it ever will be, since I have no intention of allowing that to happen._

Severus' knuckles turned white, and somehow his expression seemed to become even more stony. He stood utterly still, his eyes boring into Remus', and the tension vibrating in the air between them escalated until Remus could practically feel it pressing against him like an icy wall.

But at last Severus spoke, his words clipped and spoken with obvious reluctance. "Fine." His mouth thinned into a hard line. "I will stay here until the annulment is final. I will return to the guest room, and as soon as this marriage is over, I am leaving, and I'm taking my things with me, so the charm had better be lifted by then." 

Remus wanted to sag with relief. Severus had agreed to stay, and even the cold, remote expression on his face didn't daunt Remus' hope. After all, if Severus _really_ wanted to leave, he would have said to hell with his books and furniture and walked out, possibly hexing Remus for good measure as a parting shot. But the fact that he had stayed gave Remus confidence that Severus secretly wanted things to work out, and that perhaps, if Remus were very good and very clever, they would.

"All right," he said calmly. Then a ghost of a smile brushed his lips. "As someone once told me, I'm not looking to make this miserable for you, Severus. I just want things to work out as well as they can. For both of us."

"The only way that will happen is when this farce is over and I am far away from here." Severus stepped farther back, as if trying to put as much distance between himself and Remus as possible. "I will go home and fetch my clothes and return later tonight."

Remus swallowed against a surge of trepidation. Trust... that was still the issue, for both of them. And it was up to him to make the first gesture. "All right." His reply was calm, even serene, covering up his apprehension that Severus actually might decide not to come back. It was a chance he was just going to have to take. The first of many.

He stepped back. "Until tonight, then. I'll have dinner ready at seven."

"Fine." Severus pivoted on his heel and strode away without a second glance back, his voluminous robes billowing in his wake.

The door closed behind Severus, and Remus let out a deep breath he hadn't even realized he was holding. His legs went weak, and he made his way to the sitting room and fell backward onto the sofa, throwing an arm across his eyes and letting the tension drain from his body. He'd better relax while he could, recoup his strength and be ready for tonight. He had the feeling there was a major battle in store, between his persuasiveness and Severus' stubborn streak.

And it was a battle that Remus was determined to win.


	6. Chapter 6

_I should go_ , Severus thought, and not for the first time by far. In the quiet solitude of Remus' guest bedroom, he could relax and let down his guard for a time, and he sat on the edge of the narrow bed, his shoulders slumped and his hands curled limply in his lap.

Part of him wanted to pack his clothes and what few belongings of his that weren't charmed stuck and just go. He didn't even care where he went or that the annulment wouldn't be final for a few weeks more; he wanted to put this wretched life behind him and start over somewhere far away.

It wasn't that Remus had been unkind to him. Far from it. On the night Severus returned to the flat, Remus had prepared a meal that consisted of Severus' favorite dishes, but Severus had only picked at it, his appetite squashed beneath the weight of despair and uncertainty. Since then, Remus had treated him with friendly openness, engaging him in conversation as if he was interested in talking with Severus and trying to coax Severus into doing things with him as if he liked Severus' company.

A week ago, Severus would have been ecstatic. He would have accepted any invitation to spend time with Remus with gratitude, and he would have talked until the wee hours of the morning if Remus so desired. He would have been pathetic in his hopefulness and happiness at the sign of progress, and he was disgusted with himself for the mere thought.

Now, he could hear Remus saying how much he distrusted Severus and how he didn't want the marriage or Severus. He felt neither hope nor happiness, only a vast emptiness and a sense of curiosity as to why Remus was bothering to pretend interest in him now.

Perhaps it was retaliation. If so, Severus knew he deserved it, not only for the deception regarding the marriage, but also for the way he had treated Remus over the years. Perhaps, he thought as he remembered the way Remus had held him down and bitten him, this was Remus' chosen punishment for him. He curled in on himself at the memory of that night, angry and ashamed.

Being kissed hadn't affected him. Had Remus pinned him that way before, Severus would have been moaning and writhing beneath him, wrapping his legs around Remus' hips and arching up, demanding more. Under the circumstances, however, the kiss left him cold, knowing as he did that it was born of anger, not desire. He accepted it, because he deserved it, but it hadn't stirred him.

The bite, however, had been his undoing. He hadn't wanted to respond, but a tiny, needy part of him had gone mad at the wolf's claim; deep down, he had wanted it more than he could remember wanting anything in his life, and that made it hurt even more than the distrust and blatant rejection.

Then somehow, he found himself living with Remus again. He wanted his belongings; as tempting as it was to leave everything behind and escape, it wasn't practical. Even the tidy nest egg Albus had left him wouldn't allow him to afford to set up house entirely anew, especially since he had no guarantee of an immediate job. He could continue selling potions by owl post, but that wouldn't help him furnish a house quickly. Besides, there were things he didn't want to give up. He wasn't one for sentimental attachment, but there were a few items in his possession that were irreplaceable, and he didn't want to leave them with Remus, who would likely dispose of them, not knowing the significance of them.

And as much as he disliked admitting it, there was a part of him that was reluctant to leave Remus. As stupid and futile as his feelings were, he couldn't turn off decades of love and desire as if his heart was a faucet. They would die in time now that he knew there was no hope, but for now, they lingered, and all he could do was keep them hidden in hopes that he wouldn't make a bigger fool of himself than he already had before this was all over.

He had done his best to keep his distance, working long hours at home to avoid returning to the flat until it was necessary. He had refused to fall back into the pattern he had developed during the first month of the marriage, preparing meals, keeping the flat tidy, and taking care of Remus. No more. As far as he was concerned, the marriage was over, and they were nothing but roommates, which meant he was responsible for himself and nothing else. He paid for his share of the household expenses, and he cleaned up after himself, but that was it.

Rising to his feet, he mustered his mask of aloof reserve; behind it, he felt as empty and battered as ever, but he would continue to bluff his way through each day until this ordeal was over and he was free at last. It was Saturday morning, which meant Remus was off for the weekend, but Severus intended to go home and escape in his work room. There were always orders to fill, after all, and when he caught up with those, he could find other ways of occupying his time.

A sudden thump in the corridor, followed by a muffled curse, caught Severus' attention. It must be Remus - it certainly couldn't be anyone else - and Severus hesitated, not certain that he wanted to encounter Remus in the confines of the upstairs corridor. But there was a another curse, and a small part of Severus worried that something might have happened to Remus, that he might have fallen and need help. 

Giving a grumbling, put-upon sigh, Severus moved to the door and opened it, expecting to see Remus on the floor, or perhaps leaning against a wall. What he actually saw, however, was something he did _not_ expect, something that made the breath freeze in his chest. Remus, standing outside the master bedroom door, clad only in a towel that was in serious danger of slipping off his hips. 

At the sound of Severus' door opening, Remus turned, and the towel _did_ slip, forcing Remus to scrabble to catch it before it fell to the ground. He stood facing Severus, skin damp and flushed, hair dark and wet and dripping. A faint tinge of pink colored Remus' cheeks, and he offered Severus a sheepish grin as he attempted - quite unsuccessfully - to keep the towel from revealing the jut of his hipbones and the trail of dark hair leading from navel to... well, to something Severus could remember with a great deal more clarity than was comfortable.

"Hullo, Severus," Remus said, eyes wide with appeal. "Sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you, but I was trying to get into my room. I left to take a shower, and the lock has somehow gotten stuck."

"There are spells for that," Severus said dryly, keeping his gaze resolutely trained on Remus' face. 

He had desired Remus too long and remembered their one night together too vividly to be unaffected by the sight, but he gave no outward sign of it. Remus had made it clear that he didn't want Severus, thus Severus saw no point in looking at or longing for what he could never have. It was hardly the first time he'd had to look but not touch in his life, and it was easy to pretend disinterest.

"Er, yes... only my wand is in my room," Remus replied. He turned again, rattling the doorknob, the pale curve of his naked backside to Severus. Glancing back over his shoulder, Remus smiled engagingly. "Would you mind helping me, Severus? I don't want to break down the door, and my lock-picking days were all over a long time ago."

"Fine," Severus replied stiffly as he drew his wand, half-tempted to hex Remus where he stood. 

Was this part of the punishment? he wondered. Remus had never been so careless about revealing too much around Severus before, and now he was stopping just short of flinging his towel aside and running naked up and down the corridor. The only thing that kept Severus from hurling either a hex or angry words was that he had never known Remus to be so deliberately malicious before, and he was inclined to chalk up this incident to distraction, although it wasn't making his life any easier. 

Aiming his wand at the door, he exclaimed, "Alohomora!"

Instantly, the door sprang open, and Severus tucked his wand away and turned to go downstairs. He wasn't hungry, but he needed a cup of tea desperately. 

A hand on his arm stopped him, and Remus' voice spoke close to his ear, uncharacteristically hesitant, and when Severus turned around, Remus was looking at him warmly, his golden eyes soft with gratitude. "Thank you for your help, Severus. I know I never said it enough when it mattered, but I do appreciate you. Regardless of how things turn out between us, please know that I've always liked having you here."

Severus clenched his jaw and tried to dispel the twist of uncertainty in his gut that Remus' words evoked. "Of course," he said, his tone laced with bitterness. "Amid your pervasive distrust and fear that I was going to murder you in your bed and your duty and honor trapping you in an unwanted marriage, you liked having me here. That makes perfect sense." 

Remus flinched at that, and then he sighed, but he kept his hand on Severus' arm, squeezing lightly. "I regret flinging accusations at you; they were spoken in anger, and I was wrong," he said quietly, his tone soft but sincere. "I admit that I didn't want the marriage at first, but I was afraid, Severus. Confused and afraid."

Drawing in a deep breath, Remus shrugged. "I had no way of knowing that the hatred of me you had professed for years wasn't real. But you were true to your word, and I started to become comfortable with you, to believe that perhaps you did want the marriage for the reasons you said - that perhaps you even liked me, maybe a little. But then... I had a horrific day, a day that made me doubt myself and everything I was doing. I felt as though I weren't worthwhile, and then Harry said that he saw you and Narcissa together, looking cozy, and... it hurt. Then I came home and... I didn't know _what_ to think. I snapped at you in my confusion and pain, and it was wrong. I am very, very sorry I hurt you - if there was some way I could take it back, to undo it, I would."

Severus stared down at him, unsettled and confused; he didn't know what to think about what Remus had said. It _sounded_ nice, and it was so very tempting to believe, but he didn't feel safe in taking any of it at face value, not after everything that had happened.

"An apology doesn't change anything," he said, tugging his arm free of Remus' grasp. "I don't want to make up with you just so you can save face and tell your friends that it was an amicable, mutual decision to separate. I want to be done with you."

"I don't want to apologize just to save face and have an amicable separation, Severus," Remus replied, dropping his hand to his side. "I want to apologize because I would like for you to forgive me, because I regret my words, and because I happen to care what _you_ think of me. You probably won't believe me, and you have every right to be angry, but I hope you would be willing to put it behind us."

"I _am_ putting it behind me," Severus retorted, folding his arms across his chest. "I'm putting this and you and everyone in this whole damned country behind me as soon as I possibly can. I don't see any need to forgive and forget or part on amiable terms. It doesn't matter since once I leave, neither you nor anyone else here will ever see me again."

Remus sighed, lifting a hand and running it through the damp strands of his hair. "I'm sorry you feel that way, Severus. Because as odd as it sounds, I'll miss you. You can be cranky and ill tempered, but for what it's worth, I've always liked that about you. Liked the way you never gave up or gave in, how you fought for what you wanted, for what you believed in, even when it was hard." Remus dropped his eyes. "Even when it hurt. Believe me, Severus, I never wanted to hurt you."

If Severus had it in him to be angry or indignant, he might have blustered, although he knew most of the retorts he might make could be countered by Remus saying, "Yes, well, you did the same thing to _me_ ". It was just as well that he wasn't angry or indignant, just tired and cold.

"I've fought my entire life," he said, his voice laden with weariness. "I'm tired of it. I've fought and fought and fought, and for what? I lost everything in the end anyway. No matter what I did or how much I sacrificed, it wasn't enough, and I'm done. I have nothing left anymore. I just want peace. I just want to be left alone now. That's all."

"You have more left than you think," Remus replied. He lifted his hand and touched Severus on the arm again, a fleeting gesture that was almost a caress, a tender smile curving his lips. "You'll believe me about that. Someday."

Remus stepped back, wrapping the towel firmly around his waist and securing it so it wouldn't slip. He walked toward his bedroom, half-turning at the doorway to look at Severus once more. "I'm going to get dressed, and go for a walk. It's supposed to be nice weather today. I'd love it if you'd come along, Severus. You don't have to say anything; we don't have to even talk if you don't want to, but it's up to you. I'll be down in five minutes." 

Wistfulness rose up within Severus, making his throat close up so that all he could do was shake his head. He wished things were different. He wished Remus had said and done these things when he still cared about making the marriage work. He wished he didn't have a mad, foolish impulse to fling caution to the wind and say yes, even knowing there was no point since they would be going their separate ways in the end. 

"I have work to do," he said, forcing the words out past the tightness in his throat.

"Oh," Remus said, his tone regretful. "Well if you change your mind, don't be shy. I don't walk fast, and I'll probably just stroll to the park and back." He crossed the threshold into his room. "If not, though, I'll see you at dinner. I have a new recipe I want to try - Chicken Kiev, with a saffron rice. And a chocolate torte for dessert, of course. Six o'clock - and I'm warning you, I'll come and find you if you're late!" 

Severus nodded, and then he turned and fled without another word, eager to escape to the comforting solitude of his own home and his own workroom and immerse himself in brewing before he did something stupid and regrettable. 

Again.

* * *

Severus' hands were shaking as he reached to open the door of Remus' flat, and he grimaced, clenching and unclenching them a few times and shaking them for good measure before trying again. He ought not be so rattled; it was hardly the first time such a thing had happened, but it had been long enough that he thought perhaps he wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. Obviously, he'd been wrong, just as he'd been wrong about a lot of other things, and it was only making him more ready to leave and put this place behind him.

He opened the door and slipped inside, closing it as quietly as possible behind himself. He hoped to avoid attracting Remus' attention; he didn't want to talk about it or explain what happened. He just wanted to clean up and forget about it, and he wanted soap and water as hot as he could stand it. A cleaning spell wasn't good enough; it never had been when things like this happened. He preferred to clean his clothes and himself by hand, scrubbing with near-scalding water as if trying to wash away the stain of what happened as well as of his own sins. It was, he knew, a psychological weakness, but it helped.

"Severus?" It was just his luck that Remus must have been listening for him, acute lycanthrope hearing alerting him to Severus' arrival. Severus had no sooner taken two steps inside when Remus emerged from the kitchen, wearing an apron over his jeans and wiping his hands on a towel. There had been a welcoming smile on his face - as there always was, these days - but that faded into an expression of shock, then horror, and finally concerned anger as he took in Severus' pale face and stained, filthy robes.

Dropping the towel, Remus strode to Severus' side, slipping an arm around his waist and looking him over anxiously. "Dear lord, Severus, what happened? Who did this too you? Here, don't worry about the carpet, it'll clean up. Are you hurt in any way? God... if they've harmed you I'm going to hunt them down and _kill_ them!"

"I'm not hurt." Severus sighed, resigned to having to explain the whole, humiliating ordeal. "I needed some supplies from the apothecary, and I decided to go to Diagon Alley rather than order by post since I needed the ingredients right away. It was a mistake," he said, grimacing as he flicked drying mud off his sleeve. "It began with one person calling me a murderer and a traitor - the usual rhetoric - and more joined him until I had to Apparate out."

"Bastards," Remus said harshly. "I'll deal with them and they'll pay... but later." He gently urged Severus toward the stairs, his eyes dark with concern. "It's far more important that you aren't hurt. We'll just get you cleaned up, and I want to check that you don't have any cuts or bruises. Sometimes you can be injured and not realize it."

Severus balked and tried to shrug Remus off, heat rising in his face at the unexpected attention. "I'm fine," he insisted, his tone laced with irritation. "It's hardly the first time something like this had happened. I've dealt with it on my own before, and I can do it again."

Remus was gentle but insistent, keeping his arm around Severus. "Don't make me pick you up and carry you... and you know I can," he said, leading Severus up the stairs and into the bathroom. He pulled his wand and did a swish-and-flick which set the tub to filling, steam rising immediately from the magically heated water.

Finally releasing Severus, he stepped toward the tub, pulling down a bottle of scented bubblebath and adding a generous dollop to the water. The rich odor of cinnamon and spices wafted to him, and Remus moved back to Severus, pocketing his wand and raising a hand to brush Severus' matted hair back from his cheek.

"No bruises that I can see, but we'll know better after you're cleaned up. Would you like me to bring you some tea, or a glass of wine?" Remus stroked his hand down Severus' arm, a soothing gesture that seemed unconscious, as though he needed to touch Severus to reassure himself that Severus was unharmed.

Severus stared down at him, scarcely knowing what to do or say. He wasn't accustomed to having anyone fuss over him; since his mother died, he'd been left to manage on his own and take care of himself as best he could, and he always had. He didn't need anyone; he didn't need to be taken care of.

But he wanted it. As much as he loathed to admit it, even to himself, these confrontations left him rattled and wondering if someday, it would be more than mud and garbage and annoying little jinxes flung at him. It didn't matter that his name had been cleared; he was still a villain - a murderer and a traitor in the eyes of the world he had fought and sacrificed so much to protect. Ever since that fateful night, he had been alone with no friends or allies except Narcissa, and even as strong as he was, the weight of isolation and collective antipathy was a difficult burden to bear. 

He knew that accepting Remus' ministrations was unwise at best and dangerous at worst, but he was lonely and soul-weary, and after being the focus of so much hate and vitriol, he needed something good to make him feel human again. 

"Wine," he said quietly. "Something stronger if you have it."

"At once," Remus said. "You just pop into the bath, and I'll be right back." He touched Severus lightly on the arm as he passed, and then he was out, shutting the door softly behind him, although Severus heard the pounding of his feet on the stairs as Remus hurried to fetch Severus' drink.

Severus glanced at the tub, wondering what he'd got himself into, but then he released a slow, quiet sigh and began unfastening the row of buttons on his jacket. The adrenaline rush had worn off, leaving him feeling drained, and he wanted to stop thinking for a while. He needed a drink and a hot bath, and for once, he was going to have them without getting them himself.

He stripped methodically and left his clothes in a heap on the floor, not wanting to touch them after they were off his body; he was feeling a few twinges from the larger and harder bits of rubbish and some of the more nasty jinxes he hadn't been able to counter in time, and he sighed again as he eased into the steaming hot water, but with relief this time. He slid down to dunk his head under water, and then he emerged and leaned back against the edge of the tub; it was too short for him to stretch out, so he bent his legs, feeling a twinge of self-consciousness over his bony, knobby knees poking out of the bubbles, but there was nothing for it. He couldn't hide himself completely, although he gave it a try, piling heaps of foamy white bubbles to obscure as much of his body from the neck down as he could. Closing his eyes at last, he relaxed and let the hot water wash away the filth, literally and figuratively.

It seemed but a moment before Remus was back, easing himself silently into the room, only the faint click of the door closing alerting Severus to his presence. He held a bottle in one hand and two glasses in the other, and he smiled at Severus, crossing to the sink and placing the glasses on the edge. Opening the bottle with a deft twist, Remus filled both glasses with rich, golden liquid, before picking up one and leaning down to offer it to Severus.

"Brandy - smooth but potent," he murmured. Reaching into the pocket of his apron, he removed a small item, placing it on the closed lid of the toilet and pulling his wand. A soft murmur, and Remus' victrola was returned to its proper size, another swish of his wand setting the record on it spinning. Soft classical music began to play, and Remus picked up his own glass, sinking down on the floor next to the tub so that he was on the same level as Severus.

Taking a sip from his glass, Remus sighed, and then he reached forward to brush a lock of hair away from Severus' cheek. "Is there anything else you'd like?" he asked quietly.

"No." Severus took a sip of the brandy, closing his eyes briefly as it left a trail of fire down his throat and pooled in his stomach, warming him from within. "Thank you," he added belatedly.

He didn't know why Remus was being so solicitous, but he appreciated it. He was feeling a little better already, the brandy and the music taking him out of his own head and letting him stop thinking for a while, and that was what he needed most of all to get the memory of angry faces and shouting out of his mind.

He took a deep swallow of brandy, paused, and then decided to hell with it and finished off the whole glass, wanting the explosion of heat it set off in his belly. Between the booze and the steam, tendrils of warm lassitude were stealing throughout his body, and he rolled his head to one side, watching Remus through half-lidded eyes. 

"I'm fine," he said. "Really." 

Remus nodded, although there was still a shadow of concern in his eyes. His lips were curved in a smile, however, and he raised his wand to summon the bottle of brandy. He tipped it up, refilling Severus' glass. Placing the bottle on the floor, he leaned against the tub, bringing his face rather close to Severus'. 

"I'm glad you're fine," he murmured quietly, the deep rumble of his voice barely louder than the music. He laid one arm along the edge of the tub, his fingers playing in the bubbles which had crept up along the rim.

Severus eyed him dubiously for a moment, but only a moment; he wasn't up to analyzing Remus' actions and possible motives behind them. Tomorrow, perhaps, but not tonight. He took another deep drink and exhaled slowly, letting some of his tension flow out with his breath.

"I _am_ ," he said, his voice deep and lazy. He hadn't eaten since lunch, and he had never been much of a drinker to begin with, preferring to keep his wits sharp rather than befuddled by alcohol, so it was going to his head rather quickly. "You don't need to hover. I can take care of myself." He took another drink, his expression turning into a blend of hauteur and defiance. "Always have."

"Yes, you have... you've had to," Remus replied. He tilted his head to one side, regarding Severus with an odd intensity. He slid his fingers into the water, swirling them in it, before he trailed the tips up Severus' arm. "But I'm taking care of you now. That's my right, you know. At least for as long as you allow it. And my pleasure, too."

With his defenses weakened by fatigue and alcohol, Severus couldn't repress the shudder that ran through him at the feel of Remus' fingertips skimming along his bare arm, and he found himself staring at Remus' hand. Remus had such beautiful hands, such strong hands, and Severus had spent years imagining what they would feel like caressing his naked skin. His fantasies - detailed as they were - had paled in comparison to the reality, and he had been living on the memories of that night ever since - memories that would have to last for the rest of his life.

Frowning, he dragged his attention away from Remus' hands and focused on his glass, peering into the depths of the amber liquid. There was something wrong with what Remus had said. As good as it sounded and as much as Severus might wish it was true, he knew it wasn't.

"To paraphrase someone else in this room," he said, fixing Remus with a stern look, "after your declarations of distrust and after you made it clear you don't want me, I find it difficult to believe you have suddenly developed a desire to take care of me."

"Didn't want you?" There was puzzlement in Remus' voice, and he frowned as he looked at Severus. "What in Merlin's name made you think I didn't want you? That I _don't_ want you now? Because I can assure you that impression was - and is - quite, quite wrong." 

Severus frowned back at him, feeling as puzzled as Remus sounded. "You _said_ you didn't want me. There in the kitchen. I was wearing those stupid pajamas. I remember how you looked at me," he said, his voice going soft as he looked away to hide the vulnerability in his eyes. "You didn't want me."

Remus contemplated that for a moment, obviously mulling over the scene in his mind. "You misunderstood me," he said, looking at Severus earnestly, his hand clutching Severus' upper arm. "I was saying that I didn't want the situation. I'd come to... be attracted to you, you see. Then I was so hurt, thinking that you'd tricked me, after everything was going so well. You took care of me at the moon... you don't know how much that meant to me."

Severus' heart lurched in his chest at Remus' admission of attraction, and he looked at Remus again, searching his face for any sign of duplicity, but he saw none. If it was true - if Remus was attracted to him - then did he dare hope attraction might lead the way to more? Was it possible that their marriage might be a real one after all? He wasn't accustomed to getting what he wanted; he was far more accustomed to having it snatched from his grasp, so much so that he scarcely dared hope that this time might be different.

He downed the rest of his brandy in a quick gulp before turning to Remus again; he knew he was taking a dangerous risk, but he was so very tired of being alone, and he could no more stop loving Remus after all these years than he could rid himself of the need to breathe. 

"I do know," he murmured, water sloshing as he shifted closer to Remus and let his free hand creep up to brush against Remus' arm. "Thanks to tonight." 

Remus' smile widened, and he set his own glass down, before stretching over the edge of the tub. He slid one hand up under Severus' hair, leaning close enough that their faces were only a breath apart. "Just promise me you won't regret this... that it's not the alcohol speaking. Not that I'm afraid of the 'partye of thee first parte' and such - we've already settled all that - but I don't want to end up on the wrong end of your wand. Or at least not of the wooden one, that is."

Severus leaned into the touch, feeling it like a soothing balm to his soul. "I'm not drunk," he said, gazing into Remus' eyes, letting himself be lost in them. "And I won't regret it unless you leave me or tell me I'm ugly and you don't want me. I want to be with you. It's all I've ever wanted."

"I won't leave you, ever - and I can't tell you that's you're ugly or that I don't want you, because it wouldn't be the truth. So, Mr. Snape, it would seem that we have an accord," Remus said, his eyes glittering with a combination of amusement and desire. He closed his eyes for a moment, leaning close and inhaling deeply, as though absorbing Severus' scent. When he opened them again, there was a feral light in the golden depths, a sign of the wolf making its presence known. "Shall we seal the bargain in the time honored fashion?"

With that, Remus closed the distance between them, capturing Severus' lips in a deep, unhurried kiss. An explosion of heat and need detonated in the pit of his stomach as Severus parted his lips, moaning at the soft press of Remus' lips against his. For the first time, Remus was kissing _him_ \- not in anger and not thinking Severus was someone else. For the first time, it was real between them, and that made it far sweeter than Severus imagined it could be.

Letting his glass fall to the floor unheeded, he wound his arms around Remus' shoulders and slid one hand into Remus' hair, gently combing the silken strands as he surrendered his mouth, accepting Remus' tongue eagerly. Their mouths tasted of brandy, adding an alcoholic bite to the kiss, and it was the most delicious kiss of Severus' life; he wasn't drunk before, but the thought of Remus kissing him willingly - _wanting_ him - was more potent than any liquor, making his head swim.

He didn't care about being wise or cautious; he might pay for this lack of caution later, but he needed this, needed to know what it felt like to be desired by the man he loved, needed to feel safe and _human_ after his ordeal.

Remus must have shared Severus' eagerness, for he began to growl, a low sound in his chest. As the kiss deepened, so did Remus' growl, Remus plundering Severus' mouth as if he were desperate and starving for the taste. Remus lifted up onto his knees, locking his arms around Severus' shoulders and pulling him halfway out of the water. Their tongues danced and dueled, a sensual battle in which there was no loser, only winners.

When the need to breathe forced them apart, Remus stared down into Severus' face, the wolf evident in his eyes. "I want you, Severus - I want to stake my claim on you, to make you mine in every sense of the word... but not here. In my bed. In _our_ bed, where I can touch and feel you all over and around me. I want to taste your skin and hear you moan, feel you wrap those gorgeous legs around me. Tell me that you want it, too."

With that, Remus bent his head, dragging his tongue up the long column of Severus' throat, warm and wet and rasping against Severus' sensitive flesh.

Severus clung to Remus' shoulders, moaning, scarcely able to believe this was real. He prayed he wasn't about to wake up and find it was all a dream, that it wasn't some cruel joke or hoax, but he was beyond caring even if it was.

"Yes, I want it," he whispered, hiding his face against Remus' neck as he tightened his arms around Remus, refusing to let go. Remus had wanted him to be honest, and his words were the plain, unvarnished truth - a novelty for one who was far more accustomed to shrouding his words in half-truths and layers of meaning to protect himself. "I want all of that."

"Excellent," Remus replied, his voice husky against Severus' ear, his warm breath stirring his hair and ghosting over damp skin. "Then let's get started, shall we?"

Loosening one arm from Severus' shoulders, Remus moved it, sliding it under the water and behind Severus' knees. Then he easily lifted Severus out of the water, rising to his feet and cradling Severus against his chest, eyes dancing with smug amusement. "Here, get the towel from the bar, and we can take care of drying you in the bedroom. I don't want to let you go, not even for a moment."

Severus stretched out his arm and snagged a towel, draping it modestly across himself from chest to thigh. Heat burned in his cheeks as he wound his arms around Remus; being lifted and carried was an arousing display of strength, and he shivered when he remembered the ease with which Remus had pinned him to the sofa. He wasn't at all afraid, just uncertain; no one had ever treated him like this, and while he liked it, he couldn't dispel a little niggle of apprehension over Remus' reaction to seeing him naked and over how long this treatment would last.

Pushing down the worries plaguing him, he rested his forehead against Remus' temple and closed his eyes as Remus carried him to the master bedroom, determined to relax and enjoy the moment and let tomorrow take care of itself.

Remus shouldered the door open, and then he kicked it shut behind him before crossing to the bed. "You can open your eyes now, Severus. I promise I won't bite... well, unless you want me to. The wolf is all for marking your fair skin if you'll allow it."

Placing Severus down on the bed, Remus straightened, staring down at Severus with eyes dark and molten with arousal. He picked up the towel, and then he sank down on the side of the bed next to Severus. With slow, caressing strokes, he gently dried Severus' body, his eyes watching hungrily as Severus' skin, pink and glowing from the heat of the bath, was bared to his sight.

"Exquisite," he breathed, his eyes returning to Severus' face. "And mine... all mine."

Severus felt his face grow hotter, and he resisted the urge to squirm under Remus' scrutiny. "You needn't resort to such nonsensical flattery," he said tartly. "Your conquest is assured."

"It's not flattery," Remus responded as he finished drying Severus, leaving the towel draped across Severus' hips. "I mean it, Severus; you have a wonderful body." 

Lifting a hand, Remus placed a finger at the top of Severus' right big toe, and then slowly began to trail it upwards. "I love your feet; they are elegant and beautiful. Your legs..." He continued upwards with the finger, tracing the line of Severus' calf. "Your legs are simply to die for. Long and supple, just right for wrapping around me." He circled around Severus' knee, then upward again along the outside of Severus' thigh. "Strong thighs, which I look forward to lying between as I make you scream with pleasure."

Skipping over the towel, Remus picked up again, slightly higher. "Your hips... I can't wait to see them in motion, driving us both mad." 

Leaning down, Remus took up the trail, but this time with his lips at Severus' navel. He stared up at Severus along the length of his body, flicking his tongue into the indentation. "Mmmm... your skin is delicious, I can't wait to taste every inch. From your taut stomach " - Remus pressed a kiss to the flesh he was praising - "to your chest" - another kiss - "to your nipples, so firm and tempting."

Remus stopped with a moan, pressing his tongue to Severus' nipple and licking it into a firm peak.

Gasping, Severus threw his head back, exposing the long line of his throat, and he arched off the bed, pushing up against Remus' mouth as he sought more of the exquisite pleasure it offered. He knew he wasn't a handsome man, but if Remus meant what he said - if Remus truly liked his appearance, such as it was - that was all that mattered. Besides, images of Remus between his legs were flooding his imagination, and he couldn't spare a thought for being embarrassed by the outrageous compliments when his eyes were rolling back in his head. 

"Yes, like that... just like that," Remus said. He kissed his way up Severus' chest, teasing with licks and nips, pausing to lap at the indentation at the base of Severus' throat. Then he ran his nose along Severus' neck, inhaling deeply, almost wallowing on Severus' skin. "Your neck... it's magnificent. There's something about it that pulls me, pulls the wolf. So strong, yet so vulnerable, so pale and perfect..."

Remus' voice trailed off into a growl as he ran his tongue along the entire length, stopping just below Severus' ear. His lips pressed lightly upon the fluttering pulse point, his breath rasping damp and harsh as though he were having to hold himself in check, and Severus could feel Remus trembling against him. There was the barest scrape of teeth against Severus' skin, almost as though Remus were requesting permission for what he truly wanted to do.

Severus wound his arms around Remus and clenched his fingers in Remus' shirt as if holding on for dear life; his heart was pounding so hard he thought surely Remus must feel it, and his entire body was taut, some deep, primal need within him screaming "yes". Surrendering to the wolf was the point of no return; he had done it once, but the circumstances were different. To do it now would mean so much more - a promise, a commitment, a binding deeper than marriage. Giving so much, exposing so much of himself was a terrifying thought, but he wanted the wolf - wanted to be claimed by someone who didn't seek to use him. For once in his life, he wanted to be an equal, not a tool.

"Yes." The word was a ragged whisper as he slid his hands up and buried his fingers in Remus' hair, pressing down lightly to reinforce the permission he was granting. " _Yes_."

With a needy groan, Remus eagerly accepted Severus' invitation, biting down on Severus' tender flesh, pressing it between sharp teeth. Remus' breath was hot and damp against Severus' skin as he worried at it, growling as he clutched Severus' shoulders, pinning Severus, pressing him between the firmness of the mattress and the hard wall of Remus' chest.

There was no quiet surrender this time; Severus cried out with pleasure and pain at the claiming bite, and he fisted one hand in Remus' hair as he tipped his chin up, offering his throat to the wolf. He wanted the wolf, wanted to summon that primal power and know it desired him; he wanted to belong to it and know it belonged to him in return. 

"Yours." He barely recognized the needy moan as his own voice, as deep and husky and desperate as it was.

For a few moments, Remus continued to nibble and lick at Severus' neck, before raising his head and staring down at Severus with eyes that glowed. "Mine," he said, his tone not quite human. "All mine."

Moving his hands, Remus ran them over Severus' chest and down his arms, leaning down to press hard, needy kisses to Severus' cheeks and chin and lips. "Want you so much, Severus. Need to feel you around me. Now... don't want to wait any longer."

Severus' breath caught at the signs of the wolf in Remus' eyes and voice, signs that made his desire rise from a blaze to a raging inferno, and he nodded mutely, returning the desperate kisses in equal measure. 

"Need you too," he murmured, catching Remus' bottom lip between his teeth and tugging it. "Now."

Lifting away from Severus, Remus tore at his shirt, popping buttons and ripping fabric but not seeming to care. His jeans followed in short order, and soon he was covering Severus, naked skin against naked skin, Remus' lightly furred chest rasping against Severus as Remus kissed him again, murmuring endearments in Severus' ear as he settled between Severus' legs.

Catching up his wand from where he had tossed it on the coverlet, Remus murmured spells to prepare Severus. He leaned back enough so that he could watch Severus' face, his expression full of hunger, full of desire for Severus and Severus alone. Placing his hands on Severus' hips, he lifted them slightly, and then he surged forward, joining their bodies in one smooth motion, calling out Severus' name in a strangled cry as they became one.

Severus' mind was overcome by a haze of pleasure as Remus began to move, thrusting and holding deep within him, and Severus wrapped his legs around Remus' waist, holding him in place, wanting to savor every moment of their joining. He had waited so long for this, and now that it was happening, he never wanted it to end.

Sliding one arm around Remus' shoulders, he clung to Remus as he too began to move, catching the rhythm that Remus had set and rocking his hips, wanting to drive Remus mad with pleasure and need, wanting to see Remus reach that exquisite pinnacle because of him, knowing it was his own face Remus was gazing down upon this time. Stroking Remus' face and hair with his free hand, he met and held Remus' gaze, drinking in the sigh of his hunger with eager greed; he needed to see it, needed to know Remus wanted _him_.

"So tight, so hot, so perfect," Remus murmured, leaning down to nip and suck at Severus' lips. Then he lifted up again, slipping his hand between them, wrapping it around Severus and stroking him in counterpoint to the dance of their bodies. The wolf took over completely, and Remus gasped, his control obviously at the breaking point.

"Now, Severus... NOW!" he growled, before surging deep once more, crying out his pleasure, a sound like a howl ripped from his throat.

Severus' body obeyed before his mind could have a say in the matter; driven to the edge by the relentless stroking, the sound of Remus' howl made him fall, and his slender hips rocked up to meet Remus' final thrust, a ragged cry escaping his throat as ecstasy overtook him.

He collapsed then, flushed and panting in the aftermath, sweat beading on his entire body, but he was in no hurry to untangle himself from Remus' embrace. His body hummed with pleasure, filled with a quiet lassitude in the wake of satiation, and as he gazed up at Remus, he thought he must be experiencing the most perfect moment of his life. 

Cupping Remus' cheek in his palm, he drew Remus down and brushed a light kiss against his lips. "Thank you," he murmured.

"Mmmm..." Remus murmured, returning the kiss and smiling at Severus in a way that made Severus' toes curl. "The pleasure is all mine." He scrabbled for his wand again, casting a cleaning charm on them both before rolling to one side, pulling Severus half on top of him and wrapping his arm around Severus' shoulders.

Remus stroked one hand slowly down the length of Severus' spine, turning his head so that he could look into Severus' eyes. "You're mine now, Severus. No more talk of annulment. You're stuck with me, because I'm not going to let you go, no matter what."

Ducking his head, Severus pillowed his cheek on Remus' shoulder and tentatively reached out to rest his hand on Remus' chest; he supposed he had the right to touch as he pleased now, but it was new, and he wasn't used to it. Part of him still expected to meet with reluctance or refusal, but things were different now, he reminded himself sternly. He splayed his hand over Remus' heart in a deliberately possessive gesture just to show himself that he could. 

"I don't want to go," he said quietly. "I'll end the annulment proceedings if that's what you want." He fell silent for a moment, choosing his next words carefully. "I forced you into marriage by trickery, but it was my never my intent to keep you trapped. I only wanted a chance. If it became obvious you could never be happy with me, I wouldn't have made you stay." He drew in a deep breath. "I won't make you stay if you change your mind."

Remus chuckled, the sound rumbling through his chest beneath Severus' ear, and then he gave Severus a sharp but not painful swat on the arse. "Yes, I want you to end the annulment proceedings, although if you don't, you realize I can fight it on the grounds that we consummated the marriage? But you don't have to worry about me changing my mind or wanting to leave. The wolf has claimed you... and so have I. Although if you feel the need to pay me back for the trickery, allowing me to ravish your person at frequent intervals would be a more than sufficient payment. In fact, you might have to start charging me for the privilege, as often as I intend to use it from now on."

A little shiver rippled down Severus' spine at the thought. He certainly had no objections to having sex on a regular, even frequent, basis; after years of silent longing, he wasn't certain whether he could ever get enough of Remus. Perhaps he didn't deserve this, but he was grateful for it, grateful that something had finally turned out right for him. He knew Remus didn't love him, but Remus desired him and wanted him to stay, and that was more than enough. 

"Whenever you like," he murmured. "I want you _and_ the wolf."

"We want you, too - both of us," Remus replied, turning his head to press a tender kiss to Severus lips. "And you have us."

Reaching down, Remus grasped the coverlet, which had fallen askew from the force of their exertion. He pulled it up over their bodies, tucking Severus in securely. "A nap before dinner? Rest, and sustenance, and then perhaps a rematch? If you can be persuaded, that is."

_You have us._

Severus savored the words, liking the sound and the feel of them, and he hoped they were true. Time would tell, and in the meantime, he intended to enjoy this new turn of events. 

"Yes to all three," he said, curling closer to Remus and closing his eyes. 

He was where he wanted to be most in all the world, and for the first time in a long time, he was completely content.

* * *

**Epilogue:**

The balmy air of the Paris night caressed Remus' cheeks, and he turned his head to smile at Severus. They were standing, arms twined about each other on the observation deck of the Eiffel Tower, the City of Lights spread out below them like a glittering blanket of stars. 

The wind lifted Severus' hair, and Remus couldn't helped following it with his hand, smoothing down the silken strands proprietarily. "Happy anniversary, Severus. I can't believe it's been a year since we were married. A wonderful year, too."

"Most of it," Severus replied archly. "It got off to a somewhat rocky start, as I recall."

Remus chuckled, leaning close to brush his lips against Severus', stealing a brief kiss as he tightened his arms. "I hardly remember what that was like, I've been so happy." 

It was nothing but the simple truth. He and Severus got on with surprising ease, relaxed and content in other's company. Except when they were shagging like crazed minks, which was a great deal of the time. After the reconciliation, Severus had returned to his behavior of their first month together, and he had redecorated the master bedroom - _their_ bedroom - as he had the rest of the flat until it was a cozy home that reflected both of them. Severus prepared meals during the week, but they soon discovered an enjoyment of cooking together on weekends, and Remus pitched in with other household chores. 

Severus continued taking assiduous care of him after his transformations, giving him full body massages with the special salve and fussing over him, and between that and the Wolfsbane Potion and Severus keeping him company while he was in wolf form, the full moon was tolerable for him now. 

His friends had gradually come to tolerate their marriage, even if they still didn't like or approve of it or of Severus; they saw that he was happy, and Severus didn't try to curtail the time Remus spent with them, even if he grumbled and muttered every time Remus mentioned getting together with Harry. They gave each other space as well as company, and Remus thought that for two middle-aged bachelors with little relationship experience, they had done quite well in carving out a life together.

Sighing, he leaned his head against Severus' shoulder. "Thank you for everything, Severus. I know it sounds funny, but your lies and deceit - all in a good cause, mind - were the best thing that ever happened to me."

"I'm glad you think so." Severus smoothed his hand up and down the length of Remus' back and then brought it up to rest in the curve of neck and shoulder, his thumb pressing just beneath Remus' ear. "I told you once that I didn't regret what I did, and I stand by that." He leaned his cheek against the top of Remus' head and released a slow, quiet sigh. "The end result was worth it."

"Indeed it was, indeed it was," Remus replied, wriggling against Severus, burrowing into his embrace and relishing the security he felt with Severus' arms around him. He loved being with Severus, he loved their life together, the way that they fit together, the things that they shared. He loved waking up next to Severus every morning and going to sleep wrapped in his arms every night.

In fact...

"I love you, Severus," Remus said, lifting his face and pressing his lips to Severus' ear. "You have my heart, now and forever."

He felt Severus stiffen in his arms, and he glanced up to find Severus staring at him with visible shock - a rare occurrence. Severus had always downplayed his emotions; for the first couple of months after their reconciliation, Severus had seemed to be watching and waiting, holding himself in check, in spite of the fact that he had shown Remus those telltale memories. Gradually, the wariness faded, and Remus took it as a sign that Severus had relaxed and accepted that Remus really did want to be with him.

He wasn't certain why he hadn't said it before, except perhaps there hadn't been a right time, or perhaps he thought Severus knew somehow. Or perhaps it was because he hadn't been consciously aware of it himself until right now, when they were in the place where it had all began, only this time, they were enjoying the romantic atmosphere to the fullest extent. 

The surprise in Severus' eyes faded, replaced by the warm affection Remus often saw when Severus looked at him in unguarded moments, and Severus hooked his fingers beneath Remus' chin, tipping it up as he bent his head to kiss Remus with tender reverence.

Remus returned the kiss with equal feeling, wanting to show Severus just how deep his love was, how much he cherished and adored Severus. No matter the manner of their coming together, in the end, it was nothing more than pure magic - a love unique in all the world.

 

-end-


End file.
